ok, that was weird. now they are both showing up

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I'm sure it was just a glitch then!

Lynn, there is a glitch somewhere. Same thing happened to me.

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Here I am almost 2 months after finally going to the dr. and I am doing SOOOO Much better. Not that the dr. appt had anything to do with that. I actually got MUCH worse after going to the dr. and was honestly thinking and talking a/b killing myself. I was always afraid to say that on here. Thank goodness I have a WONDERFUL DH. Now I am fine and happy. I just wish my sex life didn't suck so much, but I'm hoping that now that I've weaned Hannah it might get better over the next few weeks.
For anyone that is feeling like that, please hang on. People will tell you to let your house go - letting go of things like dusting and scrubbing toilets and showers every week is fine, but to me, staying on top of chores - dishes, laundry, cleaning, etc, is what really keeps me sane. Also following a list all the time. I think letting go of BFing was a key for me, but I don't think that's the answer for everyone, or that it will be for me w/ the next baby. I just had such high expectations for it and when they didn't work out, I felt like a failure.
Sorry I'm just rambling now but maybe this will help someone some day.

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Kelly~ i'm glad you posted this. I kwym about having such high expectations for bfing. Boy I did, and they turned out NOTHING like I had planned. It's weird that I had so much guilt about just switching her to formula, but now that the transition is complete I feel so much better about things. I think it helps to just make a decision and actually DO IT, guilt free. I wish things could have been different, but they weren't, and I did what I could for her as long as I could. And now we're moving on.

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Kelly-I am glad to hear that you are doing better. Making lists and then crossing things off can give you a sense of control and accomplishment. We get such mixed messages about BF, on the one hand we are told it is the best thing out there-heck even formula cans say "breast milk is ideal food for babies" but then society doesn't really support us.

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I had to go back and re-read this thread that I started and see what I was feeling a year ago, compared to now. I think when I wrote this, I may have had some ppd, but also a lot of adjusting to being a new mom and not sleeping. I got MUCH worse after the last post I wrote in here.
I just started taking Zoloft 2 days ago, and I have to say - If this is what normal feels like, I'm jealous of the rest of the world for feeling like this. I am so glad I am doing it. I didn't jump to pills. I tried lots of things on my own and I've been going to counseling for 3 months. I didn't believe meds could help me - after all, I just needed more hours in a day - but I feel GREAT! Everyday, I used to just wait for it to be bedtime. When I got home from work, I would just watch the clock and wait to put Hannah down and go to bed. Housework piled up around me b/c the thought of doing ANY thing was totally overwhelming. Unloading the dishwasher was impossible. I had to cook so we could eat, but even started doing that less and less.
Now I wake up in the morning and I don't feel like crawling back into bed. I have the energy to do things. The world actually looks brighter to me. I had no idea I felt so bad until now. The dr. mentioned that some people gain weight b/c you feel better and have a better appetite. I have to say, I think the opposite might happen to me. I have the energy to do something besides lay on the couch and eat chips. When I get home, I don't want to eat everything in sight and then eat dinner. I feel like I have control over my hunger. I don't really want to take this forever, but I'll take things one step at a time. I hope I can use my time on it to rebuild some healthy habits and routines and feel comfortable dealing with my everyday life. I wish it hadn't taken me a year to get here - I could have enjoyed Hannah's first year so much more. If I have another baby and start to feel like this, I think I'll try meds sooner.

Sorry to go on and on. I am just so happy that I want to tell the world. Also, I think someday someone who needs to will read this and it might help them.

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Kelly, that is great that you are feeling better. You won't get the full effects of the medication until being on them for a month so expect to feel even better!!! I am glad you got the help you needed

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kelly- thats so great to hear you are feeling better. i had untreated ppd with my first son and to tell you the truth, i was so terrified of having another baby because of it. i felt bad because i always felt like i wasnt good at being a mom, or anything but like you i blamed it on sleep or not having enough support. but luckily i didnt have it after lucas (thank god) i am so glad that you feel better. keep us informed

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I was just reading this thread. Alot of it sounds familiar but I dealt with it before getting pregnant too. My doctor just put me on 100 mg zoloft, and I have noticed that since I've returned to work I feel much better too. For a few weeks I was crazy. I would go to get dressed and if something didn't fit I would go ballistic and lock myself in our bedroom and cry for hours. DH was pretty scared of me for a few weeks. Now that I get out of the house(we only have 1 car) and I'm around grown-ups I am getting much better. I wish I didn't work full time because I only see graham 5-6 hours on days I work, but I feel like I am a better mother while I work. I find myself much more patient and in an all-together better mood.

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amber - i completely agree. some people can be stay at home moms and it works for them but i am a better mom and person in general if i have that time away. i remember on maternity leave, jimmy would have to leave for work and my older son would go to my il's to swim and i was alone with the baby and it seemed like my life was breast feeding and sleep, i would go to walmart just to walk around. i love my kids more than life itself but i needed that adult interaction. one thing we did was got a seasons pass to the local zoo. it gave me somewhere to go and walk and just get out of the house. ya know. plus the justin loved it and luke likes walks. isnt it funny how so many people experience some sort of ppd "blues" and yet you feel like no one in the world knows what your going through when it is happening to you.

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When do people get ppd? Ely is 5.5 months old, and I am starting to think I may be getting depressed. I don't have any feelings of resentment towards him; I am all sunshine when I think about him, actually, but I just feel like it is really hard for me to get through the day. I spend the whole day sort of counting it down until bedtime, and between work and home, if something else comes up I feel totally stressed and overwhelmed. I haven't done laundry in months. DH does it all, and when he asked me to throw a load in the other day I felt like he had just asked me to swim to China--it just seemed like a huge overwhelming task. We don't sleep at all because we have been dealing with Ely's reflux from the start, so I am thinking this is probably just sleep deprivation, but I just don't know.

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Krissy

Krissy, I think you are probably right that it is because of sleep deprivation. But keep an eye on it. I didnt notice mine until later after Molly was 6 or 7 months, and then I took a long time to get help because I thought that it couldnt show up so late.

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Krissy, It can come "later" like when you think your life should be falling back into place. Don't feel ashamed about it...motherhood is hard! I've never felt so stupid (at times) in all my life! Just when I think I have something figured out it changes. Talk to your dr if you think you cannot deal with it yourself. Sleep is such a factor like you said. Don't worry about the laundry...DH can do it just fine...or it will wait. believe me, I know! Take care of yourself!

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Dana
[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]

Krissy - I first noticed it when Hannah was a/b 4 months old, but that feeling that throwing a load of laundry in is the hardest thing in the world is exactly how I felt. The main thing that helps me is to have a routine. I have a list of how to get things done when I walk in the door - check the mail, put on a load of laundry, start dinner, unload the dishwasher, etc. If I follow it, I can get a whole lot done in 30 or 45 min and it makes me feel so much better. I still feel very tired, and by the time dinner is done, so am I. Talking a walk is sometimes helpful for me.

I went to therapy and it helped me get out of a negative cycle of thinking. I haven't been in 6 months or more, so sometimes I have to remind myself or a friend at work has to remind me to get out of thinking errors. The meds were not a good solution for me, at least not the one I was on, but they definately help some people.

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Thank you, everyone. I am paying attention to it; but I still keep thinking that maybe I am just doing too much with too little sleep. I work a full time, high stress job, have a baby that does not sleep, and because of his health problems I spend a ton of time running around to doctors. I am nursing, pumping for daycare, and making my own baby food, so I just don't have a spare minute. Add sleep deprivation, and maybe I am just stretched too thin? I am unwilling to give up any of those things, but school is out in a few weeks and then I have a break before I start teaching summer classes (and that is only part time). I keep thinking if I can just get through the semester it will be ok. I actually wish I could take some meds to take the edge off; I took an antidepressant in high school and it really helped. I know that they say some are approved for nursing mothers, but I just don't trust that. I want to try to nurse him for a year, so I guess meds are out.

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Krissy

Krissy - {{hugs}} I have no idea how hard it is to juggle all of those things along with the hormones of bf, but know that you are doing a fantastic job with Ely and everything that you do today is giving him the best start at life.

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Thanks for all your support, girls. I just wanted to post and say that whether it is ppd or just sleep deprivation, either way I think the worst is over. for the last week or so I have really started feeling better, and not quite as overwhelmed. We visited my sister and parents last week which really helped. We are new to the area, so we dont have any support system here--no friends or family, which can be very difficult--especially with a sickbaby. I am cautious because I know that it might creep back up, but I think maybe the lack of sleep and homesickness just got to me. plus, the bf hormones are doing some screwy things like killing my sex drive, which depresses me further. I appreciate all of your support--hopefully Ely starts to sleep more now that he got his tubes and I can keep feeling better!

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Krissy