Thanks, Bina

So, today I found something out that really made me concerned, and I actually went in when I picked Ely up and had a meeting with one of the women that runs the baby rooms. I found out that one of the women in his room, who has a four year degree and is the ONLY one in that room with children of her own, is leaving. I was bummed, especially when I found out that she was being replaced with a college student. Apparently, they were going to lay her off for the summer and re-hire her in the fall, I am assuming this is so they could use the "cheaper" college student over the summer. Obviously, she couldnt just be unemployed through the summer, so she decided to just quit. I am really bothered by this. Here is a great, very qualified woman who is being replaced by someone with less qualifications just to save a buck. I told the baby room woman that I was concerned, and it was really uncomfortable. What would you all have done? I don't know, it just bothered me. And, now I HATE that there wont be anyone in there with kids of their own--plus the girls in there are just very young. I have no problem with young women or girls without kids, but I just think there are some things about caring for a baby that you can't possibly understand until you have one of your own (like how a crying baby can break your heart), and I hate that there won't be at least one mother in there.

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Krissy

Oh Krissy! I'm sorry you have to deal with this too!! Is there any chance that the lady who quit is going to do daycare on her own?? Maybe that isn't feasible for you either but just a thought? At our daycare the younger ones come in later in the day and you can totally tell the difference between them and the full time "older" ones. They are rougher with the little ones and I think have less patience with them. I totally agree that if you've never had a baby of your own you don't know what it means to hear that little one cry and need something. But one of the older ladies at our daycare is the "yeller". You can hear her yelling at the kids from across the room...she seems a little "off" if you ask me. And I will have to say that Ava just loves this one younger girl that comes in for the afternoon. It is so hard when daycare is switching. It makes you feel uneasy since what you "know" is changing. It is good you expressed your concern...maybe they will think about their decisions a little more next time?? I'm guessing if you are like me you are paying at least $1 more an hour than most other home daycares. Plus have to participate in several yearly fundraisers!! That is frustrating to me! Another daycare gripe I have.

I have that situation kind of this summer...we are having a high school girl come to our house...DH really wanted to do it...I wasn't so sure. It is so easy now to take her, drop her off, they feed her etc and I don't have to worry. For the summer I will have to make sure there are rules set, meals to eat and house picked up. And drive 20 minutes to get the sitter for half of the summer! Ugh...just very stressful on me! : ( so tell me again WHY it is beneficial to work?? Ugh! Sorry I got a little windy there...but daycare is such an issue!! Hang in there!

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Dana
[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]

alittle off topic but still relavent- my ds preschool did the same thing. they switched teachers three times in the two years he was there. i dont think it bothered him as much as it bothered me but i ended up resenting the new teachers because i was so mad that they kept changing them. i dont have any suggestions, but i would do what dana said and see what or where the other lady is going. i agree somewhat about who should be in the daycare. not so much that they have kids, but at least have one person with a college degree, not in college. and you have a right to be concerned with the age thing. the younger girls need more experienced staff to gain knowlegde from. i think thats true with anything, ya know.

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Unfortunately, the woman who left is not opening her own daycare, but is going to apply for jobs as an art teacher, which is what she used to do before having kids. I did let them know I was annoyed, but it didn't change anything (except that they sent out a letter explaining "staff changes") This morning when I dropped Ely off, there was a new girl--young, quiet, and seemed totally inexperienced. I was sad because Ely skipped his nap and I know he was tired, but I don't know if any of those girls will be able to get him to sleep. I hate daycare.

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Krissy

Hugs Krissy! I hate it too...not fair we have to do it! : (

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Dana
[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]

How did you all choose your daycares? I think I may be in the market for a new daycare. Ely's daycare would be ok, but they are grossly understaffed, and many days when I go in in the afternoon there is only one person in the room (there are only 4 babies there at that time) I know that meets the legal ratio, but if I was comfortable having my baby alone with one person, I would have found an in home daycare. I have thought about in home, but I am not from the area and dont feel like I know people here well enough to even trust a recommendation. Plus, I often times have women in my night classes who run in-home daycares, and they always bash the moms of the kids they take care of (usually for working too much, or being "selfish" by not being a SAHM), which just makes me leery of the whole thing. Ugh--I dont even know what to do. They keep changing staff in his room, too, which I hate because he doesnt even have time to form any type of relationship with these people. I am just so upset even thinking about it.

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Krissy

Krissy- I'd make a list of what you are looking for in ideal care, in order of importance, and take it from there.
There was a boy that I cared for about a year ago that I really liked, but his mom quickly pulled him out. At first I took it personally, but looking back I realize I didn't meet her priorities. My priority is to run around, play, make messes, etc. Her priority w/ her son was that he be cuddled, held, etc. all day. She ended up choosing to keep him w/ his grandparents instead. Personally, I'd look at that and say no way (they were older), b/c they didn't have energy. For her needs, though, it was perfect, b/c he got TONS of cuddling with them, and in they end, they were really happy w/ their decision.

What I'm trying to say is that daycare needs are SO individual. I wouldn't write off the idea of a sahm doing care if that happens to provide the top priority on your list. As long as you feel he is safe right now, I'd keep him where he is at, come up with your wishlist, then start the hunt, keeping your mind open. You can take the time to do interviews, multiple visits, etc. until you find a place that really makes you comfortable.

The last boy I cared for had it really hard. By the time he left my care, he was only 18 months and had already been through 4 caregivers and they were hunting for #5. (He's the one E was biting so I had to stop watching him.)

My mom divorced and had to go back to work when I was 3, so I was always w/ a babysitter. Here's what I remember:
#1: Her older kids were mean to me and locked my doll in the closet. I didn't like her.
#2: She was AMAZING. Her older kids taught me how to play w/ a slinky. She bought me Peeps. She had long beautiful blond hair and wore lots of makeup. She adopted a daughter and named her Ariel, and I was so excited to have the new baby around.
#3: I was right in the middle of the age group w/ her kids, so we all got along great. Her husband would come home and take off his shoes, and I remember hating the look of his jeans and big bare feet. They made me take naps, and I got in trouble occasionally just like the other kids. Basically, they made me part of the family and I felt like I was that way.
#4: I was w/ this family up until age 8, when my mom became a sahm again. I was completely made to be part of the family; they already had six kids, so I basically became the seventh. Mom treated me the same as everyone else. The kids and I all played together, and I don't remember a whole lot about the mom b/c we were off doing our thing. She would call us in for meals, take us places, have talks w/ us when in trouble, etc., but I don't remember her as a caregiver. I absolutely LOVED this family and was pretty upset when it was time to leave (I had been w/ them from kindergarten-3rd grade.)


My point in writing that out is showing that it isn't necessarily the caregiver that makes or breaks the relationship w/ the kid. My memories are of the other children and of the different things we did. #1 I didn't like b/c of situations, but I don't remember her at all. #4 I completely loved, but I don't remember her interacting w/ us. So let your heart guide your decision, rather than just what seems like what everyone should go for. I know that I am undesirable as a caregiver right now b/c I have 3 little ones of my own. I'm sure people would look at me and say, "how on earth will she pay any attention to my kid when she has so many already?" But, if they are looking for someone who is able to easily go with the flow and stays pretty calm, I'd probably be a great person to watch their child.

Anyway, hope that ultra-lengthy answer somehow helps!

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Wow, Thanks for all the advice! That IS really helpful. My mom did work when I was little, but I was always with my grandma and cousins, so I dont have any memories of babysitters. I had a conference with the woman who runs the baby wing at our daycare today. I told her how unhappy I am, explained how I think that barely meeting the ratio guidelines is not enough, and even cried a little. I definitely think I got the point across. I hope that she doesnt tell the girls who work in the room--I worry they will like Ely less if they know I am getting them "in trouble". I like the way the daycare is set up, so I am hoping things will get better and we can stay there. However, I am not counting on that, so I am starting the process of a search. As much as I actually do like the idea of an in home, the truth is, I know I will never be comfortable with it. It is not so much the woman running it that makes me nervous, it is that you never know the people coming in and out of the house. What if her uncle, or husband, or nephew are a child molester!? You know what I mean? I know that sounds paranoid, but at least in a daycare facility they have to check people in and out, and no random person that I dont know will ever have the opportunity to be alone with my child. I know that sounds so crazy, but it is how I feel (I also have a close friend who was molested at her in-home daycare by the woman's teenage son, so that is probly where my fear comes from) So, I am going to start the search with daycare facilities, and see where I end up. Unfortunately, Ely goes part time, and many daycares wont even take part time. I HATE DEALING WITH THIS!!!!!

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Krissy

Krissy-you are right, dealing with daycare is so tough! I think Sarah is right that a lot of it is individual preference. For example, since I work part-time most daycare centers don't do part-time for infants, and I wanted an in-home daycare because I like the flexibility it offers and the fact that there is a consistent caregiver and more family feel versus people coming and going etc. especially for a younger baby. I also really liked who I chose because she won't take more than one infant, and about 5-6 kids total. Like you, 3-4 babies to one adult seems too much to me.
Here are a few things I looked for: experience, parenting philosophies and being willing to be flexible to do what is best for my child, state monitoring reports (tx has these online), how many kids are there and the ages, who else is in the home and would be around the kids, how they handle needing to take their own child to Dr.'s appts. or if they get sick etc., cleanliness, structure of the day (i.e. not watching TV all day but learning and interacting). I also asked for names and numbers of parents of kids who were currently in care so I could get "references" and went in a few times to observe. Ultimately though, most of it was my gut, whether I could see myself leaving my child there. I cried at the first place I went to and just knew it wasn't for me, but felt really comfortable at the place I ended up going with. Not sure if this helped you any, but I hope you find the best for Ely. I know it is hard to find a place for part-time care, but around here it seems easier to find part-time for older babies and toddlers so keep that in mind too.

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Bina--I have noticed that many places will take part time for older babies and toddlers, but not infants. I really like my YMCA, and it is close to work, but they won't take babies under 2. The problem is that I probably will try to have another baby, and I will definitely want them in the same place. I just dont know what I want, I guess. I agree that your gut has to play a vital role. And I do like the idea of one consistent childcare provider, but something about in home makes me just so nervous! Your daycare sounds great; I wish I could just stumble upon some fantastic and affordable nanny!

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Krissy

Krissy - I just went through a struggle with Hannah's daycare b/c I didn't feel like she was getting the care I deserved. DH had to go in and talk to them b/c all I do is cry these days. But then the director called me and basically told me just to tell them what I want them to do and they will do it for me. A lot of what I was feeling was from lack of communication. But now they make a point to do the things we were concerned a/b, like fix her hair. Everyone who works there kisses up to me, too, which makes me a little uncomfortable, but I don't feel like anyone is mad at me or at Hannah.

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Kristy-does your state list all of the registered childcare providers? That is a good place to start because you can at least check out if they had any violations, how long they have been registered etc. That is how I found my daycare. I understand the concerns about a home daycare, especially if you don't know the person. You can never be too careful when it comes to your children.

Kelly-I am glad that the director is taking that approach. I know I am always careful in how I bring things up because the last thing I want to do is make the person who is caring for my girls "mad".

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Well, I had that conference with the director on Friday, and today things were TOTALLY different! In a good way! There were three girls working in the room (even though there were only 7or 8 babies), including the director herself, and the environment was very different. Ely had a blast, too, and was in a great mood when I picked him up. And he was clean I do think that, like Kelly, the girls were kissing up to me a bit, but I dont care if it means he gets better care. My fingers are crossed that this is not a temporary change.

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Krissy

I still have some daycare issues, and would LOVE to know how things work for those of you with little ones in daycare. I am just curious how well your daycare communicates with you? I have Ely in the MOST expensive daycare in town, and other than a little sheet telling me what/how much he ate, slept, and diaper changes, they really dont tell me anything. They moved him into the toddler room, but never bothered to tell me how things work in that room, the names of the teachers, their nap schedule over there, or anything else. Is this normal, or do I have the right to feel sort of lost and annoyed? I always feel like I am bugging them if I try to tell them how his morning was or some other thing, and I would have really liked a short conference with the toddler room teachers before he moved so that I could explain to them some things, like NOT to ignore his sign language, or that if he has a fit and is bawling they should just start reading a book to him and he would settle down quickly and help turn the pages. I just feel like I am dropping him off at a baby factory! Maybe all daycares are like this?

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Krissy

Krissy - Hannah's daycare is very high quality, but I really have to ask for more information in order to get it. I don't know if maybe all parents aren't as interested in the details as me, or are more relaxed and trusting. Anyway, at the beginning of the year, I let a lot of things pile up and got really upset with them. Toby talked to the principal, then the director called me and we talked for a long time. She told me how good Hannah's teachers are at their jobs, but that they're not really "people persons." I asked for a copy of the schedule and then I even questioned it and got it changed b/c I didn't see enough potty breaks on there. I understand how you're feeling, but I don't think it means Ely's care is not high quality - just schedule a time to talk to the director/teachers a/b your concerns.

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Thanks Kelly. Last time I was annoyed and spoke with the director I got the same "theyre not people persons" explanation, but I think that is just an excuse! And I WANT Ely to learn people-person skills, so if they arent good at that, they should learn I am sort of glad to know Im not the only one, though.

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Krissy

Uhm - Krissy - I would talk to the teachers too - try to set up a meeting with them and tell them what you need to. "they are not people persons?" WHAT??? Babies/Toddlers ARE PEOPLE - if you don't like people, you are in the wrong line of work. I agree there should eb a little parent teacher conference!!! They are basically YOUR employees, you are paying their paycheck - you should at least be able to consult with them.

I don't know how daycares work, but I would push for it if I were you - you are paying big bucks and deserve to be treated well - do they know knothing about customer service???

Good Luck!

Jessie

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Krissy-since my daycare is a home daycare its a completely different setup. But I spend every morning and afternoon (probably too much time but I think its time well invested) discussing what is going on with the girls and the lady tells me pretty much EVERYTHING for the day. I can't believe they just expect you to drop and pick him up without communicating how he is doing and what is going on. And WTH about not being a "people person", i won't even go there on that one!!

Violet has started to refuse to nap at all at daycare and has spent the last few days CIO during naptime, I hope she settles down soon.

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Bina--I do think that is one major bonus of home daycare. I met with the lead teacher in his new room today for a few minutes, and I feel much better about it, but we still have conferences tomorrow afternoon with his other teachers. Ugh; I hate daycare. Sorry Violet quit napping--Ely hasnt napped at daycare in almost 2 months--he just goes all day without a nap and then is miserable when I pick him up. Then they switched him to the toddler room where he has amazingly started taking long naps ON A MAT! When they said that they didnt use cribs or pack n plays, I was sure he would never nap for them, but they all lay on their mats and apparently he just lays down with the other kids and goes to sleep! Wow--he would never do that at home--peer pressure starts young

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Krissy

Just wanted to update this after my conferences and say that now I love the new toddler room he is in, and I dont think my issues from the other room are going to be a problem anymore now that he has been permanently moved (before he was just "visiting" the toddler room, but now he is officially moved) His new teachers are really outgoing and give me more info, and I finally understand why I am paying so much--all of the girls in his new room have degrees in Early Childhood Ed, and the room is much more like a preschool than a daycare. I watched them through a window while I had my conference, and they do circle time and sing and do sign language songs, and then they practice walking, running, stomping, hopping (Ely thought this was hilarious). They really interacted well with the kids, and I was really surprised at how well the little ones interacted with eachother. I was there for an hour, and I never saw someon rip a toy away from another child or anything! They work really hard with them on sharing and taking turns, and even Ely seemd to understand the way it worked! So, anyways, I guess I no longer have an issue (for now!)

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Krissy