I hope this does not step on anyone's toes, I did not share it for that reason.

For Better or Worse . . . Mostly Worse

BreakPoint with Charles Colson
July 24, 2002

The State of Our Marital Unions

Tina wants to get married, but her boyfriend Ted just wants to move in. Ted is an exceptionally honest young man, so here is what he says: "Tina, I'm fond of you, and I want to live with you for the following reasons. First, it will make it easier for me to enjoy regular sex. Second, I want to protect my assets—assets I'd have to share with you if we got a divorce. Third, you already have kids, and I don't want to support them. Fourth, I'm waiting for my perfect soul mate to come along. Until I meet her, I'd like to live with you."
Sound convincing? Probably not. Tim's arguments are incredibly insulting. And yet, according to a new study, these are exactly the reasons men want to live with women—reasons that not only insult women, but also make them big losers on the domestic front.
At Rutgers University, researchers with the National Marriage Project have published a report called "Why Men Won't Commit: Exploring Young Men's Attitudes about Sex, Dating, and Marriage." The study offers the top ten reasons men are reluctant to say, "I do." Among them: They can get all the sex they want without marriage. They want to enjoy the single life as long as possible. They want to avoid the financial pitfalls of divorce. And they're afraid marriage will demand too many changes and compromises. Apparently, their live-in girlfriends can get used to their bad habits or leave.
Most galling of all is the admission by men that they don't want to marry their girlfriends because they're waiting for their "true love" to come along. Then they'll tie the knot, buy a home, and father kids. Meanwhile, their live-ins can pick up their socks and provide sex-on-demand.
Grandma was right: Men won't buy the cow if they can get the milk free.
Grandma was echoing the wisdom of the biblical writers. Read the Old Testament, and you'll get a picture of how carefully the ancient Israelites protected unmarried women: They knew how predatory, how utterly selfish, men can be. Taking on the responsibilities of a wife and children involved hard work that would last a lifetime. And men were only motivated to shoulder those responsibilities because their culture demanded it.
Modern women have far more freedom of movement than their sisters in the ancient world. But human nature is still fallen. This means that men are as predatory as ever—and women today are paying the price for it in a culture that doesn't demand marriage.
I hope this report serves as a wake-up call to women who think men who want to cohabit have marriage on their minds. Most of them do not. Pastors ought to make this report a subject of a sermon. And if they know couples in their congregations are living together, they ought to encourage them to either marry—or separate.
I hope you'll read the full Rutgers report . If enough women read it, maybe the day would come when men who invite women to live with them would get what they deserve: a slap in the face for that kind of insult.

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Pastors ought to make this report a subject of a sermon. And if they know couples in their congregations are living together, they ought to encourage them to either marry—or separate.


Lisa~ That's exactly what the pastor at my church did last year. In fact there was this one couple who had been coming to church for a long time and had a child together, pastor advised them to get married and live right or else he didn't want them coming to that church anymore.
They followed pastors advise, Got married and said it was the best decision they ever made.

Personally I agreed with pastor.

I'm not saying I'm a saint b/c I have made my mistakes in life , but if I had to do over again, I would have done it "right".

Thanks for sharing that with us.

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Oh Regina I agree with you, none of us are saints we have all made our mistakes and have learned. I am glad with Forrest he was so adament about getting married, that way we did it the right way. My first husband and I did not live together, but he did force the issue of sex before marriage to "see if we were capitable", yeah I know I was a fool, and it proved right too. I was taken for a ride with him. I am just lucky I got through it and God sent me this man he created for me. Truth be known I might not have appreciated Forrest as much if I had not gone through all of that with the ex. I love, appreciate and am thankful to God everyday for my dear Forrest.

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Lisa~ Exactly! I lived with my ex for 8 yrs. Bad mistake, but I did learn a lot.

My DH now, treats me like a queen. I know it was God who brought us together and we did things right this time.

We live and we learn.

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That was cute Wendy. You told him! Huh?

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I was one of those stupid girls who lived with their boyfriend waiting for a marriage proposal. 5 yrs we were together and I finally realized he would never ask me. I told my DH now I would never live with another person unless we were gonna get married. So glad I met my husband.

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i dated my first husband for about 2 years, then we lived together for about 3 years...our marriage lasted less than 2 years.....



this time.... i said no way am i living with someone unless i'm married...especially since i had a teenager & i never want her following that path.........so, when dh & i were engaged, and getting closer to the wedding...a couple weeks before the wedding, my dd asked 'when is pedro moving in?'....i said i wasn't exactly sure....she said, 'well, don't forget, if you're not married yet, then he sleeps on the couch...this is a PG-13 household'...heehee.....dh moved in the day after we got back from the honeymoon ....along with his 4 cats....

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have a happy day :0) Theresa

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yeah, she's smart...maybe sometimes a little too smart-mouth, or smart*** depending on the day or the topic ......good thing i love her

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have a happy day :0) Theresa

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DH and I lived together for awhile before getting married. Our DD was the flower girl in our wedding. She is my little miracle. God gave her to me at a pretty destructive point in my life...and she was what I needed to turn my life around. Sometimes, I wish I would have done things differently. But God has used everything that I have been thru to help someone else. I didnt put off being married by choice. But DH wasnt sure he was ready for this family we had created. We were so young and scared. I just pray that Taylan doesnt follow in my footsteps. I pray for her and her future spouse even though she is only 9. Somewhere out there a little boy is being raised that will grow up and marry my little princess....

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I dated my ex through out high scholl- 4 years and then we broke up- 6 months later I met Kelly & we will be together 7 years this November. We lived together for 5 years before I got a proposal- but ya know what? It meant that much more when it actually happened! I think (just my opinion) I wanted to live with him before i married him! And here we are..... this Sunday is our 1 year(wedding) anniversary! YAY!!!

We were one of those couples that everyone assumed would never last! Guess we fooled them huh?? Even on our tough days- I look at him and think "I love this man so much!" I just wanna squeeze his cheeks! Ya know?

Ok- I have no idea why I posted all of that- but there it is for what it's worth!!!

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Exactly how I feel Wendy!! I get the flutters! Awwwww!

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I know what you mean by your heart hurting...like there is so much emotionstuffed in there it doesn't have anywhere left to go.

DH and I had known each other really well years ago - but he was married to 1st wife then. We lost touch for 5 or 6 years. He called me on October 14th about a year after splitting with her, we moved in together right after Thanksgiving, and he proposed on Christmas night (on the beach )...(under the moonlight )... that same year (2004). We're just now getting around to the wedding...LOL!

That's an amazing article...

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I moved in with my DH after we got engaged about 4 months before our wedding. We were both living with our parents (my apt. got sold and I was looking for another one around the time we met, 9 months later he proposed so I just stayed put at my parents...he was 24 and unmotivated to move out on his own) and we wanted to be together. We've been married just shy of 7 years. Somedays I love him to pieces, some days he bugs the crap outta me, but we have a 6 year old little guy together and I wouldn't trade our life together