I'm a little anxious about telling this, but I'm dealing with some anxiety now waiting for the end, and I needed to tell y'all about it.

It's one of those things you don't tell casually, because it's just too complicated to explain and re-explain.

Anyway, when DH and I got together, he had split from his first wife almost a year before. She had deserted him and the girls, moved in with a man she was raised with as her uncle (by marriage, but STILL, eeeeuuuw!), and filed the divorce. DH had planted his feet at the time and said he wasn't going to participate.

He didn't really know too much about divorce, but he had signed a waiver stating that he didn't want to go to court and he was fine with whatever she did. A little over a year ago, he called the clerk's office and we found out that she didn't finish it. Of course, one might have guessed that by the fact that he had never been served with a final decree, but men aren't always the most intelligent of creatures, now are they?

So, after much heartache on both our parts, he got to the point sometime last summer where he was ok being in charge of it. He (we) battled through his moral and religious beliefs about perpetuating a divorce, and was ready. Then, we didn't have the cash. A really cheap, uncontested divorce is about $800-1000 to an attorney. He had an attorney friend who was going to do it inexpensively and let him pay it off, but that guy got involved in a big criminal case (it's still on tv around here right now). So, we got stuck. And on an on it dragged, much to my dismay.

A couple months ago, we decided to read up on divorce in Texas, and learned all the rules -- like no one can force you to stay married to them if you don't want to be married to them anymore. We decided to get a book with a CD, and he would file the divorce pro se (representing himself). Been working on the original petition since the end of February, and he filed them this past Monday! Whee!!!!!!

She called crying on Friday about how she got his stupid papers, etc. Have I mentioned she's a real head case? She got into my stuff when she was over seeing the kids last year...stole the card DH gave me for Mother's Day that year (two months after the first m/c -- that one just tore me up). She's called him telling him I was following her on the highway, etc, when I was actually making a police report in our living room that I thought she had stolen a key from the kids and broken into our apartment and stolen something. You get the idea.

ANyway, the way it works is that he files the original petition for divorce, and then she get served. She has 20 days from the date of the original filing to file a counter-suit. Which she won't go, cause she doesn't have any money to hire an attorney, and she has no shot of getting alimony, because the kids are all big, she is fully supported by her boyfriend/uncle, and she is perfectly capable of working, but refuses. And he's giving her the right to managing conservatorship (the custodial parent) of the 16 year old, who lives with her anyway.

So, after the 20 days are up (May 11th) he calls the courthouse for a hearing date, which will be set not less than 60 days after the original filing (day 61 is June 16). He shows up at the hearing (she probably wont) with the final decree and a couple other documents prepared, and the judge signs off on it. Voila! Thirty day waiting period, and then a new marriage license can be applied for. Plenty of time for our August 13th wedding (good thing, eh?)

I'm just so glad it's almost over. *whew* It has caused me so much stress over the past year. It's hard to believe we're almost there.

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DH also has high blood pressure, that hasn't been being controlled very well with meds (he just started a new one, so we expect everything to get much better), migranes, and chronic back pain from a few degenerated disks. We deal with pain meds and blood pressure meds, etc. I think it's the blood pressure that does it to me... He's been under a lot of stress in the past several years, and high b/p isn't unusual for people who deal with severe chronic pain. And the smoking doesn't help. He wants to quit by his birthday this year (August).

Anyway, I've been really afraid that something is going to happen to him, and the fear has been part of what drives my psychosis about time needing to hurry along a bit. I have times when I get terrified that he's going to die and I'm going to be left alone without even a baby of ours.

I've spent a lot of time being angry in the past year...I haven't been sleeping well in the past few months particularly. Since the car accident in December, my stress level has been climbing, and as a long-time insomniac, I'm now completely off the wagon. I just went to the doctor yesterday to get put back on sleeping pills, just to help me 'reset' myself.

I made a 'stress list' the other day...a list of things to take care of, problems to solve, things to finish - anything that causes me stress that I have any control over. I'm sick of being exhausted and angry. If that state has had anything to do with either of my miscarriages, I'm going to do what I can do make sure it doesn't happen again.

Anyway, I'm not sure what I'm talking about now, I'm just sorta stream-of-conciousness typing now. Thanks for listening. {{{squeeze}}}.

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wow, that is a lot to go thru. My heart goes out to you. I will keep you and yours in my prayers.

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Gem, Thank you for sharing something that I am sure was not easy to share. I would imagine that it may be like a therapy to get it all out of there, like an emotional purge. Good luck to you and let me know if I can help with anything.

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It sounds like things should be getting better for you soon. I don't think we're given any more than we can handle - even though it doesn't seem fair sometimes. Even though my life and marriage are perfect now, I've been through hell the past few years (on top of the previous 31 years - just when you think it can't get any worse, it does, for some reason). I'm finally getting to the point where I can "rest easy" and know that everything will be okay, now. I don't know if I would have been able to make it if I didn't have my DH. I don't really have any advice for you (not sure you would want it anyway) but I really hope things start turning around for you. I think the main thing to make things better will be for you to finally be able to marry. That should take a lot of stress off of you. Then you can take it from there. Good luck to you! If you ever need to talk, let me know.

I just reread what I wrote and I wanted to say sorry, Gem, if I sounded like one of those "enough about you, let's talk about me" types. I really am not like that, and I brought up my situation to let you know that I totally understand what you are going through. Sometimes I have a hard time expressing myself. Although your situation is different than what I've been through - the effect on you is similar to how I have been affected by what has happened to me. Am I making any sense - or am I digging myself in deeper? Anyway, I wish you the best, and thanks for sharing your story.

Wow, that is certainly more than anyone would ever want to deal with! It sounds like you are getting a handle on your stress. A lot of the battle is recognizing there is a problem! Good luck to you. I wish you the best. Think positive August will be here before you know it and your wedding will be wonderful.

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Dana

Stephanie she does sound like a nut case, praying for you both on this to happen quickly so it will be over and you can marry as planned.

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Thanks, y'all. No, Wendy, I didn't get that at all from your post. It IS like an emotional purge to get it out there. I'm really trying to make changes, instead of just being angry and trying the same things over and over. {{{squeeze}}} to you all. :P

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wow, that is a lot of stuff. i probably would have snapped by now. you both have a lot of discipline. it is good to know not everybody is as outrageous as i am lol.

if it makes you feel better (and hopefully laugh a little), that husband/uncle thing is really weird, and I am pretty sure I seen them on Jerry Springer

Jer: LOL!

LMAO@Jer...DH used to call him 'uncle-daddy'.

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How appropriate!

Well, DH just called the clerk’s office, and he has to take a ‘divorce with children’ class next Wednesday, then he goes to the courthouse on June 19th , brings the prepared final divorce decree, the judge signs off, and it is done. Thank God. The 30 days waiting period kicks in, and we are free and clear on July 19th! That gives us plenty of time cushion just in case the judge wants anything changed on the decree, etc. But it is officially uncontested. I’m so relieved, I could cry. Still a little keyed up cause I want it over, but this was the biggest hurdle remaining. Thanks for all the well-wishes and support.

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..

Steph~ Sounds like everything is falling into place

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Glad things are working out that this can finally be over!

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