I'm 19, soon to be 20 and I moved in with my boyfriend close to a year ago. We really want to get pregnent and have a family, but my family thinks it's too soon. They think I should go to college or whatever and they don't want me to ruin my life. They don't understand that having a family and being there for everything my kids do in their lives is really the only thing I want to do. My boyfriend supports my decision and says I should live for me and not my family. What does everyone else think?

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I think anyone is going to tell you that they think its in your best interest to focus on school and a career before getting tied down with a child. But no one else is you, and no one else is going to be looking after this child but you and your boyfriend. I don't know your living enviroment, I don't know your financial stability, I don't know your relationship, and most importantly, I don't know you or your boyfriend. So, it's hard for me to say whether or not I agree with your family, as far as not having a child. But I do understand what its like to want nothing else but a family and how important it can mean to you. Unfortunately, sometimes that isn't enough though.

If you're financially prepared, mentally prepared, relationship prepared, and mature enough it can be done.

If you're only able to pick 1 or two of those listed you're prepared for or *think* are okay, I suggest not having a child yet until they can be provided.

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Just curious, Are you & the boyfriend planning on getting married?

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I agree with your boyfriend that you should live for you and not what your family thinks, but you also have to realize that after having a family of your own you will no longer be livivng for youself. Having kids is hard. It is very rewarding, but even under the best of circumstances it is physically and emotionally draining. If you add to that finacial worries and extended family stress it can be really taxing.
I would suggest waiting a few years and making sure that you will be able to support a child or children. I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom too, but I did go to school and work for a while and now I can have the comfort in knowing that if something happened to my husband I could support us. I was a young mom with my first child (22 years old) and it was great for me but I think that has to do with having a husband that had a great job and both sides of our families that were great and super excited.

I know that it can be hard to wait when it is something you really want, but you will be ultimately responsible for these kids for at least 18 years, so waiting a couple will only make things better in the long run.

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Mew - I know everyone's situation is different and we don't know you, but I think back to when I was 19 and THANK GOD that I did not have a child. Its only been 10 years...but I am now married and not to the same person I was with at 19. I know you are an adult but you really have so much growing up to do between 19 and 25 or beyond. A child will really put a different spin on your life and your boyfriend's life. I have done so much since age 19 that I never would have been able to do with a child. I say wait a while, do things that you want to do, challenge yourself to put yourself thorough school and get a good education and a good job, if your boyfriend is truly the one, get married, spend some time as a married couple and enjoy each other's company. Your families support will be worth gold once you have a child you will need them more than you know.

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Dana

and i am agree with dana i just turned 27 and am a totally different person than i was at 19 i understand wanting to have a family but you will never be this free or unattached to travel or just enjoy alone time with your bf

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The best way to get the family that you described is to become financially secure. Emotionally mature, and work on building a stable loving supportive relationship with your boyfriend.

If you have all of that now then...do your thing, and much Babydust to you, but if not, I suggest working on those things first.

Hey Mew, what part of upstate NY are you from? Im also in Upstate NY. You are still so young and you have alot of time, I think that its best to marry first if given the chance before having a baby. You still have time to think about this and while you do think about this I think you should go after other dreams you may have before starting a family. Enjoy being young and doing all the things young girls your age do, Not everyone is lucky enough to be given that oppurtunity to live alittle before they(settle down) have a family, So take advantage of it while you can.

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Well I support going and getting married and then spending some time alone with your husband first. I do believe there is no schedule time when it is going to be the perfect time to have kids but it will make things easier if you are financially secure and emotionally ready. The best life you can give a child is one that has two parents that love each other. I am forever grateful that my parents were able to provide that support. If you respect your parents then I would listen to them. If you want the best for your child you would give him/her two loving parents that will be together forever.

I guess I am on the wait few years side. I had a great time making friends, dancing and going to university when I was 19-24.

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I went through that stage in my life too. Right after I moved in with my now DH I wanted to settle down and have kids. I didn't care about setting up a good home for them. I didn't care about finishing school, getting a good job and getting good insurance and 401ks and stuff.

After actually having done all that, I'm a lot more confident that now is the right time to have kids. I had a lot of growing up to do from the age of 19.

Your situation might be different, but you might want to think ahead about what kind of life style you want to have for your family. It's hard to think about the future when you want things now.

My advice would be to wait a year. Hold out and see if you still feel the same way in a year as you do now.

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I don't know you, and I won't pretend to. I think people think of marriage and family as a fairy tale. I've been with my husband since I was 16 and we've been through a lot since then. m/c, deaths of both my parents, people close to us, and so much more. There are so many things in your life that will change who you are.

A woman I used to work with used to talk to me about having kids and marriage. She is married for 40 plus years, and still happy, so I took her advice as precious. Her and her husband tried to have children for the first 8 years of their marriage with, and while that was frustrating, she said it was the best time of her life because they really took the chance to get to know each other. They have 3 children. I've been with my husband for 9 years, and married 4 and just now are we ttc (i'm learning the lingo). I thank God all the time for the chance to really enjoy him.

Think it through. You're about to go through some of the most difficult years of your life. If you are completely sure of everything, then go for it. You'll do what you want regardless. You'll make the decision that's right for you. But consider what is best for you and the child. And if school is something you're interested in, think about how difficult it will be to be prego, go to school and work.