I have a guilty confession to make. I’m willing to take any beatings. And any analysis my online friends would like to make. =)

Here is some history first. My marriage to DH is my 3rd marriage. My first marriage was the day after my 18TH birthday….was filing for divorce about 6 months later. My 2nd marriage was a few months after my 21st birthday. That relationship lasted 10 years and produced my handsome son. I have had in total 4 last names not including DH’s name…and that’s where the story develops.

Since we got married in April I have not changed my last name. When we got married my decision (that I haven’t shared with anyone until now) is that I wouldn’t change my last name until I got pregnant. Well now that a few months have have gone by….the excuse of “oh can’t get time off of work to go get my name changed” is not going to fly for much longer.

The way I look at it my current last name is my DS family name. That will be the last name of my grand children. I’m close with all my ex’s family and school still addresses me by my son’s last name. It’s also professionally the name I’ve had for the biggest chunk of my career. I guess if it was my maiden name I wouldn’t put too much thought into it. But it does bother me at times that I have an amazing husband but my last name is really my ex husband’s name. But for some reason the thought of going down to SS and DMV to change my name does not produce action.

I should clarify…I do use my DH’s last name for regular stuff…but legally it has not been changed.

When I do get around to changing my name I plan on taking my DS last name and making it my middle name. It can also be used as a first name so it would work.

No one has ever said anything to me about my last name except for my DS. This is where the decision to make it my middle name came about.

Thoughts?

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I think you should change your name to your DH's name legally and continue to let people (like your DS's school people) call you by your DS's last name if it's too hard for them to remember you have a different last name. On his emergency card, though, you should put your new last name. They will figure it out. It's very common. For work, you can hyphenate it - with your ex's name first and then your Dh's name last. That way they will still recognize your name, but know that you are married to someone else now. Or you can just change your name to your Dh's name and when you change jobs you can let them know your old name, to for references KWIM? Women change their names all the time. I think people will understand. I think you can change your name by mail with Social Security. You just download the form off their website and send in your marriage certificate (it has to be the original, not a copy) and they will send it back to you with your new card. Then when you get that back you can go to the DMV. I know the SS office really sucks, but the DMV isn't as bad. I don't know about the Fullerton office, but I know the Costa Mesa one goes really quickly during the day. I recommend going to the Costa Mesa Dmv.

I think changing your last name to your DH's and making your current one your middle name is a great idea! Since it wouldn't sound too weird!

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I have my own name thing going on – no ‘priors’, but I’ll tell you what I’ve done.

As a jewelry appraiser, my name and signature has been on everything I’ve turned out in the past four years. Appraiser’s names get known by underwriters and agents, as to the quality of my work, etc. My maiden name is on my gemology diploma. The jewelry industry (professional level – people and stores with credentials and memberships) is also very small, so again, my name means something.

Legally, I am dropping my maiden name and taking DH’s last name. I love using my middle initial and have always used it for everything (just seeing my first and last looks WEIRD!).

Professionally, I have dropped my middle initial, and use both last names. I sign my appraisals ‘Stephanie Maiden Married’, with no hypen. It’s on my business cards too. I plan to do this for a year or so, to smooth the way with the insurance and jewelry industry into the new last name. But eventually, I will drop my maiden name all together, and just be one name all the time. It’s been a little confusing learning both new signatures…LOL!

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Bets~ I know it must be confusing to decide what to do. Whatever you are comfortable with is what you should do. Does dh understand all of this, or ever ask about why you haven't changed it?

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very intersting topic. here is an honest opinion from a man..

When my fiance and I were going to get married, she wanted to keep her maiden name. No matter how many different reasons she gave me why she wanted this, the only thing I heard in my head was that my last name wasnt good enough, or she didnt want people to know she was married...etc.

I know that is weird, but simply, guys are weird. We are very territorial when it comes to things like that. regardless of your reasoning, and whether or not your hubby SAYS he understands.....the bottom line is it is probably bothering him one way or another. Especially if it is an exes last name.

This is not meant to say anyone is right or wrong here, as the reasons given here are definately valid. I just thought maybe some incite on how the male mind interprets things may help yas out.

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GO MICHIGAN WOLVERINES!

Well, last week, I got my new business cards and changed the signature line on my appraisals to re-include my middle initial and drop my maiden name altogether. Now, my professional and legal names match. I still have some of the old business cards, so I'll use those too until they're gone.

I made a copy of the first appraisal I signed last week with my married name (and no maiden name), put it in an envelope with one of my new business cards and gave it to DH.

Hopefully, my poor brain will be able to finish making that transition. I started to sign my maiden name on my paycheck this morning... I haven't done that in months.

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Good for you, now it's official!

Unfortunately I still have my first husband's name for work. There is an issue with s.s. so my work can't change it on anything and I can't take off to settle the matter. It's changed everywhere else.

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You think, before you do it, that it's just *bam* okay, it's done. You don't realize how much work there is to changing your name and how long it can take. My car loan is still under my maiden name...

Yuck for SS problem. Is it a 'work in progress' or something you can't fix?

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How funny - I haven't thought about this in ages.

But I'm still not pregnant so i still haven't changed my last name. I still have my son's last name.

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Betsy- I have a student at school whose mom goes by her first name, old married name, new married name because it matches her son. Like if he was John Smith her name is Sarah Smith Jones... That way they still associate it with her son. Just thought I'd share..

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Steph-It actually is changed with the s.s. office. I spent 5 hours, pregnant, waiting to change it at the office. They said they mailed the new card but it never showed. Now I have to make another trip down there to get a reprint or mail in my 2 proofs of i.d. to get it. Not since they lost the card will I mail in my license. So how can I proove I am a Hall when I never got the Hall card to change other things to Hall? It's a mess. So my work has to see the s.s. card with the change to chane my work name. I just don't have time to take off and mess with it.

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Melissa, I had the same thing happen to me when we got married. It took me 4 times of going down there for them to get it right.

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