Dh and I have been TTC #2 since September, and sometimes I must say I feel a little alone on this journey. Sometimes I feel that he doesn't understand how little our chances actually are of getting pg. each cycle. He'll sometimes say he's tired, can we try tomorrow, etc. I feel like I'm bugging him, which I must say makes me feel a little insulted and undesirable. I've started putting stars on the calendar for my fertile days, so now he knows, but then sometimes it makes him feel more pressured, which is not good for the bedroom, if you know what I mean. I just want our love-making to be enjoyable, and not feel like a chore or a job to do. My forecasted ovulation day is Christmas, so I'm hoping maybe a cute little Santa outfit will do the trick. Any tips to keep things from becoming boring, or feeling like a chore?

I never told dh when the crucial times were. I just continued the sex we had. It was usually 2-3 times per week and maybe it increased a little more when ttc. I bought lots of lingerie and props even and just kept things exciting and having nothing to do with baby making, except of couse it was the crucial time and I knew it.

I don't think dh's function well if they feel pressured to perform and knowing it's baby making time takes the spice out of it for them. I would just cover your bases, temp and do whatever you need for timing and then go after him when it's time and make sure to when it's not the crucial times as well.

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I am sure a lot of us can relate to this problem. It gets frustrating to have timed BD (baby dancing) month after month. I got to the point where I didnt let Dh know when I was fertile and just came up with inventive ways to intiate BD. I am sure by the third or fourth night in a row he was on to me but he was a good sport about it. Good luck. Maybe some of the other girls can give you insight as well. I know my first thought was always "who would have thought my DH wouldnt want to"

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I think many of us understand what you're feeling. Unfortunately, I dont think many men truly understand what we go through and how many factors actually go in to getting pregnant, especially when they already have children and think it was "so easy" the first time.

I am sure your dh loves you and I think it is really important to talk about EVERYTHING you're feeling. Let him know how important it is to you and that you feel he isn't really understanding that. Tell him that you dont want to "bother" him about it, but that you need him to work with you. I never marked a calendar, but we do talk about it every week, so he knows when I am o'ing.

I do think that the longer you're ttc, the more dh's understand. I am on month 10, and my dh has been so sweet about trying to understand my perspective. He has 2 kids from his ex, and I dont have any. When we started ttc we were just bd'ing... then I started using opks... then i started temping/charting... then I went through fertility testing... the more I go through the more understanding and sympathetic he becomes...

I hope he can be open to talking and hopefully will become more supportive...

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I think that men don't like to perform "on demand". Maybe if you didn't put the little stars on the calendar, and just kept track on your own, and then seduced him at the right time. I also think it's probably sorta important for your DH that you are interested in having sex with him when it's NOT your fertile time. Otherwise it makes him feel like you're only interested in having sex for the sake of TTC, and not because you're attracted to him. That probably makes him feel kinda unwanted.

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Laur - I agree in the concensus that as more time goes by DH's get more on the same train that you are on. I think the girls gave you great advise.

My situation I handled very differently. the desire to have a child came from DH first so I put a lot of responsibility on him(as much as I could anyway) so he's always aware of when I O, when AF is coming etc. I've been lucky that my DH has no problem "performing" under pressure. I think that has fallen more on me.

And the great part is - you are no longer alone.

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me and my hubby just started trying. ive only been off the pill for 2 mos. i skipped a cycle right after the wedding. so im just starting my charting now. my hubby wants to know when im fertile. he works 11-7 as a nurse , so hes always tired. but not the week i was fertile. geesh. i think ill be "fertile" every week