I needed to vent. My DH has been aggravating me me so much lately. I stay home with our daughter which is fine with us both. I take care of the baby and keep the house tidy and cook dinner, no big deal right? WRONG! He is a insane computer junky. He comes home and jumps right on to the computer. He doesn't do too good with helping me keep stuff picked up around the house either. I just get really annoyed at him sometimes. I am going to give him a week to help me a little better and then I am going to talk to him about needing some extra help every now and then.

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Kayla-I am so sorry you are feeling this way. It is rough when you are home with the baby and doing EVERYTHING and don't even feel appreciated or that you are getting a break. It sounds like you need some time for yourself, so you can get a break and re-energized, and also so Dh can appreciate what it is like to take care of the baby. Also remember that all stresses are magnified when you are not getting much sleep so what you are feeling is so normal and so common. Hopefully you can sit down with Dh and talk to him about how you need more help around the house, and ways he can specifically help you and that if you don't get some help, you will start (or already are) feeling resentful of him. I know when I was home on maternity leave I thought it should be my job to do all the housework, cooking, and take care of Avery, but I soon found that it was just not possible. My Dh always agreed that going to work was far easier than being home with a baby and it just took a little time to work out a routine and system of what worked for us, and I know you guys can do the same.
Sorry for the super long response, but just wanted you know that you are normal and not alone.

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Bina - I am already feeling better, I just get SOOO annoyed with him . He just seems kinda oblivious sometimes. I appreciate your response. Sometimes it is nice to be reminded that we are all human and it is okay to vent and get it out. Thanks.

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I understand, I understand, I understand. I had the exact same break down at 3 months. My DH doesn't sound quite as bad but close. Like Bina said, lack of sleep can cause you to be even more annoyed about things.

I hope you can work it out with you DH. Mine is so understanding if I come to him in a rational mind.

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Kayla~ I understand too, except my dh is a playstation junky instead of a computer junky. Maybe set some boundaries with him? Dh and I work it out to where he has his "playstation" nights and then I have my days to go shopping on my own or just go browse barnes and nobles or whatever I want to do. I think having your own time to recharge is SO important. I use to hate doing the grocery shopping & now I LOVE it b/c it gives me some "me" time. Definately talk to him & let him know how you feel!

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OK raising my hand too. Yesterday morning BEFORE I left for work I was trying to collect the garbage with Rhylee crying at my feet and dh in his recliner watching fishing!!! I had to say, "Feel free to come help at anytime". He's oblivious to whats going on around him until I say something...It's just the man syndrome (most of them anyways).

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Amber- LOL my DH loves some playstation too. But, he only plays when Charlie is in bed and not every night or else we would never see each other. LOL

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Yeah, they can suck sometimes.

Remember, they are from Mars -- perhaps if you gave him a SPECIFIC need to meet (like once I told mine that I wanted him to come into our bedroom for 20 minutes with me every night when he got home before hanging out with the teenagers or watching tv or anything, that I needed some direct attention right away). Like ask if he can take the baby for 30 minutes right when he gets home, or if he can spend 15 minutes picking up around the house, and tell him how much pressure it would take off of you to have that. We forget, because this seems so obvious to us (and they seem like dummies), but they really can't figure out the problems/solutions from the emotions that we run on, even though it makes perfect sense to us. Because it's totally logical, of course. They're just oblivious.

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Yes in all seriousness I get a much better response if I simply ask for something specific or make a list. The list seems to make him feel accomplished too. I hope that helps.

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Cassie - I know what you mean. Sometimes you just want to fling the remote at them LOL!

Steph - Yeah, men definitely have "their" own way of thinking about things. I am not sure we will ever have them figure out.

Amber - I may take your advice and go pick up some things after DH gets home later today. I need some new lamp shades for our guest room so I may go do that just to get out for a little while.

On a better note, he did pick up his stuff last night before he went to bed. I was impressed. He just doesn't get how all the small things REALLY add up in the end.

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They are like little kids when it comes to that...it's not that you go psycho-hysterical a/b THAT things THAT time, it's the fifty other things that happen over and over. I get the 'it's always something'. And my response is, 'no, it's the SAME five things over and over'.

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Here is how we have worked a few thing out. I have picked a few thing that he doesn't mind doing that he just always does for me. It used to include vacuuming but I have taken that over as I want it done more often.

DH does the trash/recycle for me. I stick it in the garage and it magically goes away. Then I don't have to ask it just gets done. Sometimes it he will get it from under the sink without me asking. He picks up his stuff for the most part and will help me with putting away clothes if I ask. I do options too. Would you like to put on Nathan PJ's or clean up the kitchen? I am trying hard to ask and not demand.

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I do the option thing with dh like that too . It really helps me to not feel like his mother, haha.

I agree 110% that we just speak two diff languages. Like when I say clean up the kitchen after dinner, to me that means: do dishes, wipe counters & stove and sweep. To dh that means dishes and that's it. I am very specific with him now when I want him to do something.

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Now, this doesn't always happen, but dh & I made an agreement that if the other person is working, then I need to work with them to get it done. We hope that if this happens, then everything will get done soon, and we can spend time together. So, dh helps with dishes, laundry, some cleaning, clutter, etc. I still do the majority of the cleaning, but his help does come in handy! Then it is really nice to just sit on the couch when it's finished to enjoy hanging out with each other.
Now, playstation does come on during the hanging out times sometimes, but then I use that time for computer time.

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Amber mine too. Usually if he does kitchen I go back over with a cloth and wipe down the counters. I have gotten better about not freaking out about coffee grounds everywhere.

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I do try my best to keep everything low key when I ask him to do stuff. It is just that he takes days to get around to it most of the time. He is only interested in doing "man" chores, like mowing the lawn for example. I keep my requests simple like I will ask him to get Marika dressed for bed while I load the dishwasher and warm her bottle. Nothing big. They are just completely silly sometimes.

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I have to totally agree with the "man"thing. Except, now, I have a 2 year old in the "terrible two" stage. I am home all day with him and when DH gets home, he just wants to sit in front of the TV. We actually got into a fight the one night over who was going to give Dylan a bath. I always do it and was really tired and still suffering from morning sickness, so I told him to do it and he replied, "no, you do it". So of course, I got all pissed off and went off about me being the one to do everything, and told him I needed time to myself. Well, he finally caved and gave Dylan a bath, but he had an attitude towards me the rest of the evening. I was like....He is YOUR son too! You need to help in caring for him. I get especially ticked off on weekends because DH wants to get up, and run and hide in the garage all day, leaving me once again to be the sole caregiver to Dylan. Of course, I have to clean and cook and all that other fun stuff too. I remember a few weeks ago, I asked him to rinse out a cup of Dylans that had milk in it from the previous night because the smell would make me throw up. Well, he was playing playstation at the time and told me that he would get to it. I was like "ok, whatever" and decided to do a little test....I left it for him on the counter and refused to touch it to see how long it would take him to finally make the time to get to it. Guess how long it sat there???? FIVE DAYS!!!!!!!! I would do all the other dishes except that one and finally I was the one to take care of it. And guess what, I did throw up! I told him that if he ever did that again, I would make him pay!
Well, I could go on and on about my rantings, but there just isnt enough time or space.... Once again, I plan to have "the talk" with him to make things better. It'll last for a few more weeks before we are back at square one!

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