I'm annoyed with work again. Is it tacky to be pissed at people's raises? Seeing as how I do the bookkeeping in my 'spare time' when I'm not doing appraisals (I have a 67 piece appraisal sitting next to me, looking at me...), I know these things. Certain people got raises, including me. Certain people got switched to salary, NOT including me. One of these people is, in my opinion, way overpaid (especially now) and underqualified for what she does. Unfortunately, she also has a queenie-entitlement complex, and I would strangle her if I could figure out where to bury the body so I wouldn't get caught. I've known people like her before. They act like they are in middle school, think they know way more than they do, and somehow, the bosses buy it. And when you dare complain, somehow, it's all YOUR fault? Even though all the other employees complain about the same person, and she gets into fights with everyone else (not me, but now, I just don't speak to her anymore unless I absolutely have to). Her mistakes don't count, even if she does them over and over again.

And then I look over a little while ago and see one of my coworkers (the other one who was switched to salary, etc, but I LIKE her and she works hard) taking a test to increase her credentials with the organization that my store belongs to called the AGS (American Gem Society). NOW, these people's credentials are nowhere near what mine are (I'm a GIA Graduate Gemologist), but I've asked twice before for the boss to check into the Certified Gemologist Appriaser course for me, cause I was having trouble getting info on it. And by the way, he's paying for the courses. Mine would be more expensive, I'm sure, but more beneficial to the store. I'm just tired of having the highest professional credentials in the damn store (including over the boss!), and yet being treated like a second-class citizen. They don't listen to what I say, ever. My experience is brushed aside, even though I've seen the inner workings of more jewelry stores than everyone else combined.

I'm just pissed. However, it seems tacky to be pissed, cause I got a raise too. When I'm doing appraisals, I'm still the highest paid non-executive employee here. But not when I'm doing the bookkeeping; not that's I'd expect to be, but that girl is way overpaid. WAY. Why do I even need to know about this? Why couldn't I just not have to know, and be happy with my raise.

How does this relate, you ask?

Now I want a candy bar.

I'm hungry for lunch too, but I'm annoyed as hell, with hurt feelings, and I want chocolate.

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Steph _ I feel for you. I 100% understand from my own experience. My bosses bosses boss in my company once told me I was making the second lowest pay in our office. That sucked. Is there anyway you can negotiate the classes you want?

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I mentioned it again yesterday evening. He said to remind him Monday and he's call in and find out about it.

And I did buy the Hershey bar at lunch, but then forgot about it until last night. Then I only had three squares.

BTW, I went to Dillard's last night and bought the sz12 version of the new black pants I bough last month. They fit; a little snug, but they fit. Jeez, I've still got 25lbs to go until my goal. I wonder what size I'll be able to wear then? Gonna have to work on the tummy though, I think.

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Steph OH MY you GO girl! And yay to momma giving you some clothes. I wish someone would give me some!!! I did buy myself a few new Spring/Summer things and it is still too cold to wear them... Can't wait! New clothes and retail therapy will cure most ANYTHING and if not then chocolate WILL! Rules to live by! I can't wait to see the new pics of SLAMMIN Steph! By the way sorry about work...Overworked and underpaid was always the case at my last job. I worked overtime traveled and was still the crap on the bosses shoes....Keep your head up momma. Ever thought of looking for a new job? Any chance for promotion?

OKay so I have to share something with you girls....Steph already knows as well as a few of the other girls and I figure since this is the all about ourselves and our self image side....Here goes.

As some of you have seen me type...I am so unhappy with my breast size since breast feeding two babies for a year or more each. I was small chested to begin with and now I am non existant! Literally my boob is there with no tissue inside of it. I am a A cup and that rides up. I feel like some of my feminity(sp?) is gone and I feel like less of a woman. I am self conscious naked at this point with Dh. When I lift my arm my boob caves in if that makes sense? Someone else I know described it as a empty sock with a golf ball in it...Well mine is jsut the sock no golf ball no nothing and this is something I don't think I can live with. It has nothing to do with vanity. I am not doing it for display. Only for ME!

Bras are my enemy at this point as I have no boob to hold them down...So I have seen a few surgeons and dh and I have decided to go ahead with a Breast Augmentation. He is soupportive! I was embarassed at first and have told no one except my BFF and a few girls on here... Now I thought I have known you girls for over two years and we talk about ANYTHING so why keep it a secret? Almost made me feel guilty to not tell.

With Riley's surgery coming up I started to back out thinking is this self centered?? Dh says nothing I ever do is self centered and that I deserve this...He is pretty excited too. (thinks they will become his new best friends, I guess? ) So anyway long story short my surgery is April 30th and I am scared and oh so EXCITED. I am not going for the porn star look that is for sure and most people will probably not even notice. I want some boobs not BIG boobs. Thanks for listening.

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Thank you ma'am.

And like I've been telling you, this is something that can be changed. Nothing should drag you so far down about your body -- we ALL know if there was a 'boob exercise', you'd be doing it, but in the case you're talking about, you need some help to feel better. It's okay. And I'm in 10000000% support of you doing something to feel better, for yourself. The next time you think its selfish and Riley, remember...it's getting her some new pillows. She'll thank you.

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Steph you are hilarious! You made me laugh out loud!

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*Steph takes a bow*

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Karen ~ You know I am all for it.

Steph ~ Oh that would make me mad in your office too. Yay for a smaller size and gifts from your parents.

You ladies are so sweet!

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Yes I know Kayla...Yet another one that KNEW. I appreciate you girls so much. And your support does mean ALOT! It took alot to type this but I feel so much better now! And now I can openly talk about it as my day draws near and have support afterwards too. This is so rejuvenating.

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Karen - I think that is great! When I was younger, I didn't understand why people would want to surgically change their bodies, but now I know when we decide we're done having kids, I will have some work done. I can't wait to see how great you look!

Steph - You're doing awesome! I think you need to find a new scale to weigh in on. Can't wait to see the pics.

I'm having a really hard time today. I feel so disgusted w/ myself. I try to do weight watchers but I am soooo hungry I just have to eat more than I'm allowed. I still feel like I did much better w/ eating this week, but when I looked at myself naked in the mirror this morning, I wanted to cry. Somedays I just don't think it's possible for me to lose weight. I almost stayed home from a b-day party today b/c I thought I looked too fat. And when I went to do my run this morning, DH came to find me so I could come home and take Hannah so he could leave. I only needed 30 f-ing minutes to myself.

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Kelly, I've been kinda worried about you for the past few months. You are really down on yourself and sound so hopeless. There is no reason why you should have to be hungry. Sometimes, I feel hungry, and then I realize I was actually thirsty. I know it's been said a thousand times, but it's true. And making myself eat more at one time, making sure i had some protein and good amount of fluids and GOOD carbs keeps me actually satisfied.

I also want to put something in my mouth when I feel sad or lonely. I've always been like that.

I've had my eye on you, cause I'm trying to figure out something to do to help you. I wish I'd figured it out already, but I'm still watching.

We all know about the naked-mirror-wanting-to-cry thing goes. There's nothing worse than feeling like you don't belong in your own skin, whether you are a size 2 or a size 20. It's the worst.

I luv ya. That's all I've got for you right now really. Maybe talk one-on-one with your WW meeting leader? She might be able to give suggestions on foods to satisfy and still make you feel happier and keep the points down.

I'm not giving up on you. I don't care what you look like naked. I want you to just FEEL better.

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Kelly I guess I don't consider it surgically CHANGING or enhancing my body....I think of it as "fixing it back". I did a great job and nursed both babies for a year and I would do it all over again but now it is my turn to get my body back. Dh told me I could go for the tummy tuck to fix all that too...The doctor said it is stretched skin and will never go back no matter how much I exercise but I opted to not do that part. The tummy I can live with being a negative breast size I can't live with.

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On a different note. Dh came home early and skipped the round of golf today! Got here about 2pm. Surprised me with flowers and I went for a run after all! Thank god for small miracles. Truthfully he had so much to do with getting his lesson done for class tomorrow and then this interview but since he brought flowers I will pretend he did it ALL for me! He is bathing the kids now! PHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

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Steph~ Yuck, I can't believe there are other people at your job making more than you when you have the education to back yourself and they don't! I HATE how that crap works. Jobs can suck sometime. Hopefully you can get a promotion or a bigger raise? YAY for being in size 12s!!! You are doing so awesome! I am so dang proud of you! Can't wait for pics!

Karen~ I am in FULL support of your BA!! This is exciting! I can't wait to see pics of your in a new, sexy top. Me, I have enough boobs to go around and THEN some. If we could suck some outa me, and insert them into you, I'd be all for it! I'd love a tummy tuck AND a boob lift (at this point I'd need a crane to lift these babies) after I'm done having kids!

Kelly~ I'm so sorry. I find myself feeling like that ALL of the time. I can't even look at myself in the mirror. I am NOT used to being this fat, I'm good about getting workouts in but for some reason I just can't make myself stick well to a healthy diet. Maybe we can do something to help each other out? Even if it is just texting each other about eating well/exercising....I just need a "push" that I don't know how to give myself, and I'm depressed about not having any progress. Sigh....

So I weighed in this morning. Granted, I'm at the end of AF, I haven't eaten all that well this week, but I have gotten in some good workouts. (I did my turbo jam again last night). I weigh the SAME. I still have 10 baby pounds to lose...not to mention another 20 pounds I'd like to lose after that. UGH. Maybe I'll quit feeling sorry for myself and just go get on my treadmill. Jaicee went to bed early tonight....

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Karen ~ You got yourself a keeper. That is they way I see my 2 lil buddies...they are a part of me that was just originally missing. I cringe (sp?) at the phrase "boob job." Tacky sounding to me.

Kelly ~ I hope you get your spirit back soon.

This is me right now =

lol that is a lot of emotion....stupid school, it is hard, frustrating, boring, stressful, exciting, and fun all at once. haha better get back to it.

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Karen-I think it is GREAT that you are getting your boobs back! I've only BF one baby, and have thought about getting it done..so who knows what they will look like after BF two! Maybe its because I've lived in California, lol, but I've known several people who have had various kinds of "cosmetic surgery" and I think if it is for the right reasons, then there is nothing wrong with it! And of course you should let us know about it, you KNOW we support you in all you do!

Jenna-I know you are working so hard so it must suck big time to not be seeing the results you want, maybe you will have a big loss all at once *hugs* Is it possible that you are eating too little so your