Jenna - unless I had gained some lbs (which is probably the case ) I weigh the same. I hate stomach bugs!

Kalya - Nope there were no tomatoes. It's going around. I just hope our household is DONE.

Kelly - please don't do that to yourself. The girls are right, you don't want Hannah learning that.

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Kelly~ Thinking of you today, because you're my friend (even if it is online) and I love you. It worries me that you did that. I hope it was just a one time incident. (((hugs)))

With that said, we had a luncheon today at work. I've already eaten 2 cookies. SOMEBODY STOP ME!!! I will definintely be working out tonight. They are fudge andes mint cookies....I couldn't help myself!

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Did pushups this morning, for the first time in days. So that's good.

Kel...you can't flip that switch. You know how bad that is for you. You know that. You are beautiful, honey. I know you want to feel right in your own skin. Be HEALTHY.

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Laura, Jenna, Cass, Steph, Karen, Kayla - thank you all for being concerned for me. I, too, am hoping it was just a one time thing - my throat burned all night, too, so that is a big deterrant. I am miserable in my own body and have been for many years - even when I was 50lbs lighter. Right now I am trying to focus on the positive and take things one day at a time. I told DH a/b it this morning and it really upsets him that I did that - he knows how harmful it is, but he also doesn't understand that there's a lot more to it than just the act of sticking your fingers down your throat. He tells me I look great and my stomach only looks the way it does b/c I carried our beautiful, healthy, BIG baby in it so it doesn't bother him. I also told him I can't buy him Doritos any more.
My diet/exercise plan for now is to run 30 min twice a day for a couple of weeks and do lots of ab work - My stomach is the place that carries most of my weight and makes the most uncomfortable, but I honestly haven't done ab work since I got pg - so hopefully that will help. I'm also going to try to do 1500 cals/day, but next time I get hungry or feel like I HAVE to eat late at night, I'm going for fruit even though it will go over my cals, or maybe cheese and crackers b/c then at least it will be something nourishing for my body instead of crap like Doritos.

I went shopping today which was a pretty terrible experience - DH asked me why I did that when I was already feeling bad - he knew it was a bad idea. Even though the clothes looked bad, at least I focused on the fact that now I look bad in a 6 when last summer (right after I had Hannah) I looked bad in a 12.

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Kelly ~ Make your goal attainable. If you burn out in a few days, you are going to end up feeling worse. And though I like doritoes too, they aren't always so comfy going down, so coming up, whoo-boy. Kelly, there is no 'hoping' it was a one-time thing. I know how badly it sucks to feel like yourself is living in an alien body, but you know I've been concerned for you for quite some time. And now we're talking eating disorders. There is so much damage physically that is done to your body by bullemia...but like you said, there's a lot more to it than that. DH can adore how you look til the end of the universe, and it's not going to fix you on the inside. You can eat salad 24/7 and run three times a day for the next 6 months, and it's not going to fix you on the inside.

Captain Blunt time now, babe: I don't care what size you are, what you eat, how much you exercise, or how much DH tells you he likes your body. You are miserable in your heart and in your mind, and it's time to see your doctor -- armed with the TRUTH. You don't need help with dieting. You don't need help with exercising. You need help with whatever is going on emotionally, and it has been going on for a long time. I've been watching it and worrying, and I've told you that. You seem to have had times recently where you feel much better, and then the lows are getting scarier. It's time. Make the appointment.

The one thing I learned from the horrific time following my first miscarriage is that it's the times when you believe no one can help you that you actually need the most help.

Do it Kelly. It's time.

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Kelly - Hang in there girl. I think that we are raised in a society where it is "fashionable" for women to hate the skins that they are born with. I agree with Steph, you may need to seek some help so you can deal with your low self-esteem. We love you and we DO NOT want to see you feel like this. Please do what you can for yourself because Hannah needs you to be a happy, healthy momma for her! BTW...not just saying this as a "make you feel good" kind of thing but I honestly think that you look great! I am glad that you talk to us and always know that we are here for you! ((BIG SQUISHY HUGS))!

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So I went for 2 runs today. The one this morning I did by myself - w/out Hannah in the jogger, for the first time in a long time - I found out I can run a LOT longer than I ever thought I could - it really felt great to see how much my body has strengthened in the last 10 or so weeks.

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Good Kel, isn't it cool to see stuff like that? Since my pushups (I did them this morning again, so hopefully I'm getting back on track from my crappy few weeks), I can see all these muscles in my forearms and arms, even my hands. It's cooooooool.

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I'm not going to weigh this week. AF is due in two days, so I know I'm up a few pounds. I'll wait until next Sunday to see how bad I'm doing. Why torture myself unnecessarily?

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Well I weighed in today and I've lost another 3lbs...bringing my total so far to 30 lbs.

I just about fell out when I saw the scale today. I had a really bad "eating" week and I only got in a couple of my exercises.

I mean, I didn't pig out or anything, but I DID eat cake and Ice cream at my girls bday party and a couple of times after that...lol

Well, I guess I need to get back on track.

Have a great day everyone

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See, Jenna? Stick with your ritual, including weigh-ins. You might be surprised. Or not. Who knows?

WTG Chrystie.

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Thanks Steph

I already feel so much better about myself.
My confidence is going up with every lb I lose.

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Look at your ticker, you're almost halfway to your goal!!! Oh, that was a WONDERFUL feeling, and kinda amazing. Good for you.

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Chrystie~ That is AWESOME!!! Look how well you have done! What diet are you doing?

Steph~ I looked, and as I thought - up two pounds. I'm hoping it's mostly AF. We'll see when she's gone.

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Jenna- I am doing WW, but I'm not going to the meetings. I am doing it on my own.

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Chrystie - congrats on the loss.

MIL gave me a bag of chips to take home today - I told her I couldn't have chips but FIL has major blockage in all of his arteries and had some surgery last week and will have more next week, so he REALLY can't have chips. Anyway, I just brought them home and put them in the garbage can. I hate to throw away food but I know I can't handle them in my house right now and I can't even keep them around to give to someone else.

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