Well there you go Cass...Get on it...lol

For me..I am at a stand still right now. No surprise though. I haven't been doing as good with my eating or workouts lately.

I'm back on the train now though. I am cooking Spaghetti tonight for dinner. I am using lean ground beef and whole wheat pasta.
I love spaghetti and I haven't made it in a while.
Plus, we always have leftovers...lol

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Cassie- if that isn't a SIGN I don't know what is! Get back to those meetings. I want you to feel good about your body! You can do this!!

Robin- I am with Cassie doesn't sound like you did too bad BUT welcome back to the diet/weight loss train! I hope you at least stayed the same. A lose would be even better since you walked so much! Never know!

I am taking my first Boot Camp tomorrow. I hope it kicks my butt!!

12 days before I leave for the beach! I can't WAIT to run with dh and just get a break from life.

We are ggoing to try camping this weekend. We got a Kelty baby pack for Riley and plan to hike. Not sure how Carter will do but I am hoping his ruinning program the last few weeks has helped with his endurance. We are leaving Friday morning, go set up camp and try to fish or hike. Carter got a new fishing rod for his birthday so he is excited to try it out. I am nervous how Riles will do but we never know until we try! She is out on a walk with DH in her pack right now in a ball cap trying to get her ready for the hike. lol I am off to a meeting at church. Check in with everyone tomorrow.

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Well I guess now that I am back from my vacation I should get back on track with WW (doing it myself, no meetings or anything) I weighed in this morning at 161.2 which isn't too bad, so I've only gained 3lbs in the last few months. If I can get down to 155lbs in the next couple of months that would be great!

Does anyone have any recommendations for some good workouts dvds for abs?

Claire-my vacation was in California for my brother's wedding. So lots of homecooked meals and eating out!

Karen-I say a big YES to keeping up with the Y. You love it and deserve it! AND it is great for Riley to get out and play with other kids too.

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Bina - You didn't do bad for the last 3 months. Oh and I want to see pictures from the wedding!!!!

Karen - I hope you guys have a good time camping. What beach are you going to?

Karen - not only did it come in my email, it was in the mailbox too!!!

Rhylee and I ran around outside for a bit. I tried to get her to play chase. She's watching TV in her room right now...

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Robin we are going to Cherry Grove which is North Nyrtle Beach. We go the same week every year to the same place and see alot of the same families. It is neat we feel like we KNOW each other. We take my MIL, neice and GMIL with us each year. Without us my MIL and neice wouldn't get a vacation and we love being there with family so it works out for everyone.

Cass-lol at you and Rhylee playing chase.

Bina- you can do it...Oh and about the Y. Dh and I had a long talk and I am over feeling guilty. It is where I need to be for some stress relief and I enjoy it so that is reason enough. Thanks for the support.

I gotta go get ready for class...And the kids are fussing so gotta see what is going on.

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Your vacation sounds like fun Karen! And having family there, hopefully means a little break for you and Dh

Ok, being home yesterday was BAD, I feel like I ate all day. But today is a workday so should be easier to eat healthier. I need to start my food journal again.

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I haven't had much to say, cause I suck. I kinda quit doing much of the right stuff, and just stalled out. I actually haven't weighed in the past two Sundays. Gotta get back on horse sooner or later...

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STEPH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get your big girl panties on and shake it OFF!

I took that cardio bootcamp this morning and it was so fun. Tough but fun. We did tons of crazy stuff but afterwards I felt I had accomplished something. I ate a fiber one bar and am drinking some vitamin Water. I have fresh veggies and fruit so I need to fix me a salad for lunch. May wait though and eat one of those with spaghetti for dinner. I am not a big salad fan so two in one day would be one too many.

Have to get a hair cut at 2. If my girl can't get it right this time i am switching salons. She hasn't given me a good cut in months. Each time I leave there and HATE it. She used to do so good. Why is that? What happens to them to make them stop doing a good job on your hair? UGH!

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Steph - now is the time to get back up on that horse!! You've worked so hard go kick some fat butt!! (I need to tell myself this) You've been inspiration to us all!!

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Karen...I just...can't. I spent the entire weekend in bed.

I'm not being 'bad', I'm just not being good. I'm not gaining, I'm holding steady.

Life's on it's head and I feel like I'm in fantasy land (I wish -- where's that pixie dust when you need it?). I have plans, but don't carry through. I've been so tired. I wish I could explain what tired does to a severe insomniac. Like think of when you have a newborn, where you're bleary eyed, and feel sometimes like you literally are going to have to crawl on hands and knees to get where you're going. Now imagine that you have several at once, and are supposed to get up the motivation to do ANYTHING.

I once missed a funeral for a dear friend because I couldn't get out of bed.

It really does a number on my psychologically too.

And a very blunt TMI fact: I've completely hit the wall sexually. With all the upset and mostly 'lack of' since my life turned into a mess last January...it's been so sporatic, and I managed to completely shut it down psychologically for a long time. But something, I don't know what, maybe six weeks ago flipped the switch back on, and I've totally hit the wall. I'm so hyper-sexual, it affects my actions, like my ability to sleep. It affects my resting BODY TEMPERATURE even. Like I have to turn the a/c down a few degrees cooler than would normally be comfortable, or I feel too warm to sleep. It all sounds weird, but a solid sex-life (with someone who matches me, really important) is my best sleeping medicine. And Daniel and I were SO...I don't even know the word...very, VERY (sometimes ridiculously so) active. And the times where it has been, haven't been 'us'. Contrary to what some might think considering the situation, he's shut down a LOT too. So the experiences, though emotional, weren't physically at our level. I know it's one of the things that is scaring the $hit out of me right now. I'm about to start crying trying to put this into words. If he doesn't come with me to Florida...if I don't start to get that back...I'm not going to survive. I thought the other night that I'd call the old boyfriend in New Mexico for a weekend of no-strings-attached constant action. It was a horrible, guilt ridden thought, even though it was in reference to if I go to Florida alone; that means the real end.

I'm pinging off the walls in my head. It's hard to talk about. It doesn't sound like a big problem; most people if they have troubles have a lack of libido issue. And on an even playing field, I'm different than most, I've learned that over the years; girls talk, you know? I'm way babbling now.

Anyway, I'm flipping out -- there was a time in my life when I spent several years alone (mid 20's); I was never promiscuous, so I wouldn't have been the type to go pick up guys in bars, and I learned when I was younger than that that most of them can't really keep up anyway, and I was always left lacking. But it's one of the times when the insomnia runs rampant. And I've just totally hit the wall. It wrecks me. AND, to make it worse, it's right at O time, so the hormones are RAGING on top of just normal me.

There. I said it. I'm a freak.

And to save everyone the struggle of finding proper words to suggest it: "self-loving" does NOTHING to help; it actually makes it worse.

I just want to put my head down and cry now.

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Steph- I wish I could fix this...I wish you could fix this but the only one that can FIX this is Daniel. Man I wish I could smack him real good! Did that at least make you smile? Ol horn dog! If I had half the libido that you do my dh would be THRILLED. I like sex and enjoy it greatly but somedays I am just too tired to even think about much less act on it. Dh always says sex is his sleeping pill so I guess he totally knows what you mean! Do you think it is a mental thing for you? I can go to sleep now since we "connected" things are good? Do you think you are so in need of that connection? IT makes you feel loved and that you loved?

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Yes, you made me smile. You always do, honey.

I can stay up all night DTD, and the psychological effect of being tired the next day is nothing like when I can't sleep b/c of insomnia.

I think there is the part about connectedness -- there has been more than once where I cry at some point (before the past year and a half), so I think there's a security and emotional release aspect to it too; safety. Obviously a physical release. Felling good b/c the attention is 100% on me, you know, feeling cherished? And absolutely a sense of relaxation and being loved, eases tension for sure. Laughter. Letting the inhibitions of life go completely. Just being me. And damn, I just really like it.

I can't even watch sex-scenes on tv or movies at this point, b/c I can't take a chance or either getting into it, or bursting into tears and feeling so isolated and...lonely, I guess. I'm SO lonely. I guess that's why they thought about the ex-boyfriend came to mind. There's no way, if we split and I go to Florida, that I could just 'pick up' with someone. No way would I let someone new near me. It would have to be someone that knows me, and that could handle whatever emotions flooded out, as well as the physical nature being...um...well, someone I knew was one of my own kind as far as that goes. And the ex-BF and I have know each other since we were 16 and 17, so I'm clear on that. I guess it's where that thought came from. Can you tell that makes me feel guilty.

There was a time earlier last year that the way I described it was that I was 'starving' for physical attention. I remember having a girlfriend hug me and sorta pet my hair sometime last year, and I almost burst into tears just from the release of having the physical attention, though there was obviously no sexual aspect to it at all.

I'm really sad.

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Steph - I am sorry you are having such a hard time (((HUGS)))

I am so happy I lost another 2.6lbs so my total is now 11lbs in 5 weeks!!!!!

ROBIN! Seee I told you! That walking made up for the eating. So think what youcould do if you walked AND ate right. you go GIRL! That is awesome!!!

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