Jo - Have you tried editing a post again? Just wondered if it's working for you. How are things going?

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Em- WTF - you know I'm burning right??? I'm sure you already had choice words for him, but my first reaction is WTF he doesn't have kids either. Seeing him 2 or 3 months every few years doesn't qualify him ass a father nor as partcipating in raising this child. Financial contribution is great but certainly doesn't give him the right to say that to you. As far as how they raise their kids over there Carlos & I argue about that all the time. It's one of the reasons why I also believe it will never happen for us.

Lauren - and you young lady!!! Don't even sweat it. Enjoy your weekend. There is no next cycle. This is it for you. But I am thrilled that you and Dh were on the same page.

Karyn - I have a present for you....look who's on the truck. =) http://i66.photobucket.com/albums/h2...7/S5000078.jpg

Steph - Actually I think he's divorced these days. He has a problem with domestic violence - I'm betting most of those guys do. He divorced his 2nd wife in 2004. And his most recent gf there was also a domestic dispute don't know if he ended up marrying her.

Rebecca - I have all sorts of thoughts what student ethics means too. I think that is so sweet about your report cards. I have all of mine too. I was a good student but talked alot....imagine that?

Steph........30 lbs !!! Here is a present for you too.

Heidi - Uneducated is probably the wrong word...naive still maybe?? like most of them didn't even chart, had drs treatments and testing without doing any at home stuff...like preseed/instead cups/vitamins. I was surprised.

Jo - Did you see my question about the instead cups? Would that be an option for you?

Snowie - I'm sad I missed you today. But hopefully all is well with your Mom. It's crazy when you think all that happened in the last year. Doesn't seem that long ago.

Sarah - That's funny about the birth control - I have no plans on ever going back to b/c. Although I did think about it when we were going to give up cause it removes any hope...which is one of the hardest parts.

Night of Hope was okay.....it's mostly Doctors and people in the industry. Glad I went thought.

We are in the midst of O - I always love it when it's on the weekend.

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I hope that my posting here doesn't upset you more with my ticker, but....

I check in on this thread all the time. My heart aches for you girls.....SO much. When I was married to my ex, we tried for 4 years to conceive and when we finally did, I miscarried, and a year later, we divorced. I felt broken, and sad....much like so many of you.

Em~ I can't believe DH said that to you......I had tears in my eyes when I read it. Like I said,.....my heart aches for you SO much. I know how badly it hurts to not be able to conceive, or carry a viable pregnancy....I wish I had some words of comfort or something for you.....for all of you. Just know that you are ALL in my thoughts and prayers on a daily basis.

Jen

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Betsy - You talked a lot? I can't imagine!!

Jen - You're always welcome to post. Don't worry about the ticker. We see them all the time

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Em ~ I...have...no...words. I love you.

Bec ~ That really BLOWS a/b your table. And LMAO@Snowie's flat table comment. Not the case for me...do you know what kind of pillow hill I have to build to even sleep on my stomach? LOL!

Betsy ~ I love the blinkie! I'm going to find a place for it -- you know how particular I am about my signature...

Jen ~ I know what happened to you before. I know you don't run around talking about it. I'M telling you, like I told you when I brought you here, this was the right group for you. Tickers-schmickers. I'm delighted for you. I know you are scared. You come over here and comment, and give all the support and any wisdom and jokes you have. I like to see you. {{{hugs}}}

Thanks everyone for all the support on my fitness. I think I've really turned a corner -- last night, I was driving home, and dreading making dinner (pretty tired) and I was fighting the urge to make a drive-through run...and then I realized I was fighting a ghost, becaue there was no fast-food that sounded appealing. Nothing. The only places I ever do allow myself to go is to Subway (italian BMTw/no cheese, veggies, and italian dressing) or to Arby's for a regular, plain roast beef. And I'd had those recently. I went home, cooked a little salmon fillet and had it with a slice of whole wheat toast and a big pile of broccoli. It was nice. I realized I wasn't feeling too hot, and that I hadn't drank what has now become my normal amount of fluids yesterday. So I downed the rest of my 32oz gatorade, and then a/b 25oz of water in the next hour, and felt SO much better. My body has regulated to it! I'm driven by the outcome. Thanks again for all the support.

Ok, Em, I did find some words. Go to your appointment. Go for the same reasons that I've been on the progesterone cream since after 'the day the music died' at the beginning of the year for me. Go for yourself. Go for the reasons that YOU can find out what's up with YOU. For you. Go for you. Go with the intention of making your physical body whole, and less with the frantic intention of all the ttc stuff. Sounds hard. It is. It's harder. There are times I'd be rubbing in that cream and think 'why am I doing this, I'm a stupid f*&%ing doormat idiot and none of this matters anymore'. And continuing it religiously despite all that's happened...you know pretty much everything, and you can identify with it. There are times I wanted to throw that stupid cream away and gouge my insides out with a carving knife and let that be that (I know, nice imagery). And say 'f*$k it'. Through the months, the conclusion I've come to -- in my heart, not just in my head -- is that balancing my hormones and the progesterone is something that will make me better overall, not just to turn me into a productive womb. Go. Let your head drive for a little while, even if your heart (the motor) is sputtering. Go. Please.

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Betsy- I will be honest with you all...I am scared to put the instead cups in and take them out. I need to go to Target, pick up a box and read the instructions a few hundred times before I buy them and try them. I believe that was your strategy, too, right? Apparently it works, so maybe today I'll have to check them out.

I have been sooooo tired the last two days. I just can't seem to wake up!! I got my 1st (+)opk this morning, so DH and I BD-ed again today. Twice. hehe. My doctor told us to BD 10,12,14, thinking I would likely ovulate on 14, but I got the egg today. I figured two more shots couldn't hurt matters. I need to call the doctor's office Monday to schedule my next progesterone check. Fingers crossed that we caught that b!tchy egg this time!!!!

Trying to test my editing ablilities

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Emily, first I am so sad that he would say those words to you. Secondly, does he really think you have to have a child to be able to have an opinion on how they are to be raised? There is no way that you, an educated highly intelligent woman would not know how you would raise kids. I sorry but that was just an ignorant comment. Not that Juan is ignorant but that was totally a testorone kills brain cells comment.

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Steph - Your body does get deprogrammed. The thought of drive thru food makes me ill since I started eating better. I havent necessarily lost weight but I do feel better. My only weakness is In & Out and Starbucks. Actually Starbucks is a necessary addiction so that doesn't count.

Em - Steph is right. You should still go to the RE. Even if things completely blow up (which I doubt) for your future it's important for you to know what's going on.

Jo - Yes I used to take my instead cups for a walk around the Target store and then put them back. I really do love them, it's just really handy for when you have to pop up and do something right after. I think if I was in your shoes I would give it a shot. Your post coital came back normal. All your testing is normal. Maybe your cervix just needs to sit in his goods for a while. Nothing to lose.

Lisa - Testasterone kills brain cells comment - that's funny....and true

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I must be in masochist mode - I'm going through all these songs...and I'm just bawling!!! I found this song from Elton John. I had never heard it before.

Hey you, you're a child in my head
You haven't walked yet
Your first words have yet to be said
But I swear you'll be blessed

I know you're still just a dream
your eyes might be green
Or the bluest that I've ever seen
Anyway you'll be blessed

And you, you'll be blessed
You'll have the best
I promise you that
I'll pick a star from the sky
Pull your name from a hat
I promise you that, promise you that, promise you that
You'll be blessed

I need you before I'm too old
To have and to hold
To walk with you and watch you grow
And know that you're blessed

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Betsy ~ Awww, as long as you go non-fat or half non-fat/half 2% milk, Starbucks hardly counts. Just stay away from the lemon pound cake (mmmm....now THAT I'd eat right now...mmmm....). See my blinkie?!?!?! I'm excited, I get to weigh-in again tomorrow. LOL! Who'd have ever thought I'd be excited about a scale?

My only real weakness right now is those kettle-cooked potato chips; the really crunchy kind? I have them a/b once a week. I decided it's okay cause they are WAY lower in fat and calories than regular chips (they cook them in peanut oil or something like that). I found a brand I can get at the grocery store that have, like, 8gms of fat in the bag and 150 calories, lightly salted. I can live with that... Worth it. SO worth it.

In the last month since I kicked in my new eating habits, this is the "bad" food I've had: one package of chocolate cupcakes (the kind with the icing swirl), three cans of regular soda, two regular size milky ways, one double cheeseburger from McDs (weeks ago), one snack size hershey bar, about ten starburst on halloween...and I think that's it.

Mostly, I'm eating 'regular' food, and plenty of it. For dinner, I might have a filet mignon or fish filet and a cup of lightly steamed spinach, snap peas, or broccoli, maybe a slice of whole grain toast with butter. Sometimes even a bowl of crunchy raisin bran. Or sometimes I have a peanut butter sandwich or tuna sandwich (made w/miracle whip). If I have deli meat/cheese, I could have a sandwich for lunch or dinner (turkey, salami, cukes, cheese, italian dressing, whole wheat bead) -- sometimes both . I have unsweetened applesauce cups, or chocolate pudding (NOT the low-fat kind) cups or a cup of hot cocoa made with 1% milk for snacks/treats. 12oz 1% milk w/5 spoonfulls of carnation instant breakfast powder, 3 slices of whole wheat toast with real butter, and sometimes a banana for breakfast. Perhaps once a week an egg and cheddar breakfast taco on a whole wheat lard-free tortilla. The very occasional bag of kettle-cooked chips (maybe once a week). Sometimes, I have a Subway sandwish for lunch at work, and get a foot-long so I can have the other half for dinner. There are only a few frozen lunches I like, one is Smart Ones turkey w/MP, and one is Lean Cuisine salmon w/orzo, spinach, and carrots, which I'm having right now.

That's kinda it. Fluids is 32oz gatorade, 25-32oz water, 12-20oz 1% milk. Like I said, I'm eating plenty. I told DH how much I was loosing and he was asking if I was eating enough -- I'm eating PLENTY. I'm trying to eat more at one time too, instead of snacking throughout the day. It's working much better.

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*kicking Betsy's a$$ for posting the weepy-song*

Dammit woman. Just kidding. I've heard that song before, but never listened to it.

Peter Gabriel's 'In Your Eyes' is on the radio right now. Love this song. But, after all, I am a Gen-Xer...nothing like the memory of John CUsak with a boom box over his head...*sigh*

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BTW, some stuff at work is changing so I won't be at my computer as frequently -- I'm going to be taking on some part time sales and working late one or two nights. More pressure, but overtime for me, so it's cool. It was my idea, actually. Anyway, just wanted to let y'all know so you don't worry if I'm not around as often.

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omg Em. I'm so sorry Juan said that to you. I hope he apologized profusely to you for his stupidity and promises to be at your beck and call for at least the next decade. And I'm with Steph, go to your appt. Do it for you and despite (or in spite of) what he said in a moment of what I hope was complete insanity. *hugs*

Betsy-I'm sorry I missed you today too! I was stuck at home working on a paper after going shopping with my mom. Hope you're enjoying your weekend O!

Steph-Congrats on the job! A change is always good.

Jo-Yay for the +OPK!

Lauren-How was your appt?

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Lauren - I hope your appt. went well.

Emily - I'm sorry that DH said that and hurt your feelings. I agree with the girls that you should still go to your appt. I would hate to see you regret it down the road if you didn't go. Hugs to you.

Rebecca - That's great you got your table! It sucks that it didn't have the breast recesses but it's still cool to get it finally!

Betsy - Thanks! I wonder if I could cut & paste myself next to him?

Snowie - I lost my dad when I was 12. The holidays seem to be harder, I just remember all the good times and memories and remind myself that he is not suffering anymore. I know it's so recent for you and I went through it a long time ago but I can remember what I felt at that time like it was yesterday. Hugs.

Steph - You are seriously kicking butt on your diet! The way I look at it, as far as the weakness (yours being kettle-cooked chips) If you have a craving for them, have some. If you don't, then you end up wanting them more and then before you know it, you've polished off a bag. I think it's good to give into your cravings.

I found at a craft show yesterday, vegetables that are made into chips. I know some of the grocery stores have them, but they are usually gross. These are so good. There are carrots, sweet potatoes, squash and green beans. The green beans are crunchy. It all tastes like potato chips! I wish I would of bought more!

Jo - Fingers crossed for catchie that eggie!

Hi Heidi!

My weekend was ok. Yesterday I was at craft show, bought a few things. I spend all day Friday cleaning. Friday night DH & I went out to dinner then hit a movie. Well we were in the parking lot at the movie theatre and my stomach started feeling not so great (you know that feeling) So we sat there for a minute, well a cop pulls up behind DH. He comes to the window and says "What are you doing." "We are going to see a movie." "Are you sure that's all your doing?" DH says "My wife is having stomach problems so we are debating if we want to see a movie or not." Cop - "I got a call that you two were sitting out here for a while, smoking dope." We just started laughing, DH was like no we are just sitting here. The cop said well I had to come check it out! How funny is that! Like we are 2 teenagers, hiding in our vehicle in the theatre parking lot smoking pot! Of course that was the joke all weekend. DH was like should we get a large popcorn since we have the munchies now! At the craft show my sister-in-law walked past a booth that had incense and she said hey you need to get this to cover up your dope smell!

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Good morning ladies-
Em-All I can say is I'm sorry. I can imagine how much his words hurt you. My DH would say many things that would hurt me. I found the more we talked, the more he understood. He is much more supportive than a year ago. And trust me there were times I wanted to throw in the towel because we weren't on the same page. You need to go through with your appt. Regardless of what you decide, I think you'll be left wondering "what if". This will help you move on one way or another. HUGS.

Jo-I walked around Traget for amny months with the Instead cups too. I have used them a few time and still have most of a box left. It did get easier once I got the hang of it and could even get them out at work if needed. I hope you caught that damn eggie! She needs to stop being so stubborn.

Besty-Hi.

Lauren-I love your plan of pushing the RE to do it regardless of how many follies. I think you need to. And I'm sure there are success stories out there with women and IVF with just a few mature follies. It only takes one and we know your DH has good swimmers! G/L and go for it.

Snowie-Just wanted to emntion that I will be thinking of you and your family as you go through the holidays for the first time wihtout your father.

Rebecca-Yeah to getting the massage table. Sorry about your dad's fall. Hope he has a speedy recovery.

We had a very productive weekend. We went to Ikea yesterday and bought new tables for the living room. Then off to Best Buy and bought new tvs for the living room and bedroom. Love the flat screens! We probably spent way too much money but I love when my furniture is all matching. Now all I need are a couple of new lamps and our living room will be complete! DH left for NY this morning so I get to finish out the weekend splurging on myself.

Oh and I forgot to mention.....I've been having some spotting in my CM and when going to the bathroom. For the first time ever makes me happy thinking that it's the cyst shrinking away. Normal at this point in my cycle I'd be crying thinking it's because AF is coming again!

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