I am REALLY debating taking tomorrow off. There is so much in my house I want to do before the realtor comes tomorrow night! Being gone this weekend, I havent done ANYTHING...

Deanna~ MB is where Bec and I met this past weekend. My mom lives there, so dh and I drove down and Rebecca has a friend there, so she flew down for the weekend. We met there is past summer, and this was our second meeting. We ate at House of Blues, which is what the police car is in the background.

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Lauren and Rebecca-you guys look great! Glad you had a good time!

Lauren-they had a segment on donor eggs on a new show on Friday. It was focused on the rights of donors to remain anonymous vs. the rights of the families to have access to their medical histories.

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Mel - I'm sorry you had such a horrible HSG. I was one of the lucky ones, because my HSG didn't hurt at all and I was able to see the xray immediately afterwards, and the doctor explained what everything was. I also totally understand the violated feeling. I didn't feel that way after my HSG, but REALLY felt that way after my e-biopsy. The things we go through!!

Lauren and Rebecca, you girls look so pretty! But what the heck are you standing in front of?!

Thanks all for the support on Friday. I'm feeling a little less down in the dumps today.

And AF finally got the hint and took off. I'm waiting on a call back from my RE and am hopeful that he will have a plan in place for me.

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Emily - That is the 'Blues Car' at the House of Blues in Myrtle Beach. I'm also really happy that you're going back to the RE for a plan!

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Well back to the dumps for me.

My RE does not want to do ANYTHING. His theory is that I've only been trying for five cycles since the appointment and that I'm just not patient enough. He started with "If there were 100 teenagers, only 60 of them would be pregnant within 5 months, blah,blah,blah,blah" He said Clomid is not going to help me, and that he's not ready to start talking about something else until it's been at least another 3 more cycles. He said "I'm not trying to be cavalier, but you need to just keep trying on your own"

I couldn't help it. I just started crying on the phone and almost hung up on him. He transferred me to a nurse and they set me up with a consult. I have no interest in going and sitting there and listening to him tell me to just buck up and have some patience. It's been over TWO YEARS. How much more g*ddamn patience do I need?

I want to fire my RE. But I don't have the energy to try and find a new one. I think that this whole thing is a big sign from God to just give the eff up and stop crying all the damn time. Aren't these people supposed to help you get pregnant?

I just don't understand...

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EM - That makes me mad! Your RE should not refuse to help you. That's just not right. You've met the time requirements already. You're RE should support your wishes & provide advice, but not tell you to stick it out. My RE had me do 3 Clomid cycles before I moved on to injectibles - which was my call. I know it seems like a hassle to find a new one, but you can request a copy of your records so you won't have to start from scratch.

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Jen - I was really surprised. And of course he wants to set up a consult. That's another $250 in his pocket (and straight out of mine) for him to say "keep trying". Mostly I think he didn't want to deal with a crying woman at that point.

Apparently recurring miscarriages is not infertile enough. And now I have to go and explain to Juan that my doctor won't help us. I was so looking forward to having hope again. Now I'm just back in this crappy halfway zone.

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Emily - I'm really surprised. You'd think that yes, 2 years and 4 miscarriages would be more than enough to require some type of 'help' from a freaking specialist. I wish he'd do something for you. {{hugs}}

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Emily~ That is completely ridiculous!!! It makes me VERY ANGRY! I cannot believe they would treat you that way! I know you feel like you dont have the strength to do it, but I would RUN quickly from that place and find a new RE! I sincerely think when you have a good doctor, it makes this sucky process a little less sucky. If you have someone to listen and support you, IF treatment can be a bit easier. I am so sorry. (((hugs)))

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Lauren - there unfortunately are not a ton of fertility places in Richmond. I think there is one other main one, but the last time I called there the wait just for a consult was over 2 months. I'm out of steam. Juan wants to send me to Mexico to get some massage done by a healer woman person. I can't do this anymore.

Okay - I emailed another RE's office explaining the testing I've had and all the results being normal. I said my current RE did not have any options for me right now, and asked if they thought their office might offer me some other treatment options. The responses, from both doctors:

Dear Emily,
There is a point in recurring abortion workups when there simply ARE no further tests. That doesn't mean there's nothing wrong, it's just that we are at a loss to say what. Two options include IVF with prenatal genetic diagnosis for aneuploidy (abnormal embryos), which seemed to hold promise but has recently been viewed as having no effect on actual live birth rates, and the possibility of donor eggs. The latter plan, though admittedly a "Plan B", might well allow you and your husband to have a child together. I'd be happy to meet with you both about these issues if you'd like. Please call us at 804-285-9700 to set up an appointment.
Best,
Dr. Rosenberg

And

We would be willing to meet with you and review your testing and treatments to date. I'm not sure whether we would think there are other treatments which might benefit you.

Dr. Tidey

So, essentially, the first guy is only interested in IVF, and the second guy is "willing" to meet with me. How kind. I'm heartbroken. We can't afford IVF, and I do not like the attitude of the second doctor at ALL. Besides, if I'm reading this correctly, he's saying that if I'm producing crappy little embryos, then even IVF with PGD will not affect my live birth possibilities. I am now fully convinced that I am not supposed to be a mother.

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Emily - It sounds like both of the other places are at least willing to discuss some type of option with you. I'm not crazy about the first one who wants to jump into ivf, but the second place might be an option. Who knows what they might 'see' when they look at your test results. Maybe they will see something that this other doctor didn't and maybe there would be a 'plan' for you. Did Juan ever go for the SA? Do you know what your blood type is? If you have Rh- blood and Juan has Rh+ blood, maybe that's something to look into??? I don't remember you ever mentioning anything about that in the past and since you've had the m/c, I would be surprised if your doctor didn't ask after the first one. That's one thing that my doorknob doctor did, surprisingly and lucky for me, I am Rh+. I just don't think that all of your options have been exhausted yet.

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I'm Rh+.

I did not like the doctor saying that he was willing to meet with me, as if I'm some kind of reject that he's "willing" to take a look at. They are actually partners at the same fertility institute so I'm guessing their approach will end up being pretty similar. I have searched and searched, there are only two places in richmond that specialize in infertility. There are several doctors at each center, but only two centers.

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Em-I just wanted to say I'm so angry and sorry for the response you are getting. It seems so unfair that they are not willing to look at all options. I know at first my RE seemed a little like that with me. I was very disappointed but did another 3 months of clomid. Then when I met with him again it seemed much different and willing at looking ahead. I would think given the 2 years and the m/c that the RE would be willing to look at other options instead of telling you to keep trying on your own. I hope you find some answers because I really hate to see you give up without having the option of trying other things. HUGS!

Lauren and Rebecca-Love the picture!

Hi girls. Hope everyone is doing well.

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Em ~ I'm so sorry this is happening. I couldn't have said any better what the other girls have said. *hugs*

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EM - I understand that its discouraging b/c they can't give you specifics on what to fix/change/do differently, etc. But, a new set of eyes on your medical history can't hurt, right? After 2 years, it should be your decision how to proceed & you need a Dr. that will support you.
I am not sure what the next biggest city is near Richmond, but that might be something to look into. My IVF Dr was an hour away, and it really wasn't that bad. It was possible to do some of the monitoring locally, so I didn't have to drive everytime. Just an idea.

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Jen - I've looked at the possibility of going somewhere a little out of town. It would be really impossible to get Juan to come with me anywhere far away because of his work, but if I stay unhappy with my RE, I may look into it.

I'm settling down a bit from this morning, and am thinking that I will just wait out this three months. What's another three months after all this time. I think it was just so disappointing because I finally bit the bullet and tried to be proactive, and was starting to get hopeful, and then got rejected.

I know many of you remember that it took me a long time to get to the point of ever going to an RE, and going through the tests, and then to open myself up to treatment possibilities that do not entirely coincide with my feelings about my TTC journey in the first place...and then get slammed like that...was hard.

I hope to god I do not get pg and miscarry again, or I will be extremely bitter and angry at my RE.

Thanks Heidi and Mel. I do not know what I would do without this forum. Probably hate myself a lot more, that's for sure.

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Oh Emily, first off great big squeeze to you. Second, the ladies are dead on with their advice IMO...this is your journey and only you can decide where to take it. If you don't have a supportive doc, go find one...they are out there (as hard as it may be to find one). I wish the best for you.

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