I thought I'd create this thread for those of us who are living with infertility - ttc or not ttc. Regardless of our status, if we're actively ttc, taking a break or have overcome infertility, it is and will always be a very important part of our lives, our journeys and who we are and who we've become.

From one who has been living with this for over three years, I know, understand and hopefully can speak for others when I say that the level of emotions that have surged through our bodies and minds isn't something that can be put into words.

I've recently come to the realization that my 'friends' still have their own lives to live and they can't revolve around my situation, understand my pain or even begin to fathom what I have been through. What I do have, and I am extremely greatful for, are my internet friends, who have been by my side for the past three years of my life. Friends who continue to be supportive and know 'what to say' and I miss them.

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Thanks for creating this thread Rebecca~ I think this is where I belong. I miss my IF friends, who have not been posting much. I think it is hard for us long time IFers to find a place to "fit." Hopefully this will help us all. xoxoxo

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I've missed you too!! I see you have all of your Christmas blinkies up already. You're out of control!! When do you put up the tree, tomorrow?? LOL I know how much you love Christmas and to decorate!

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Hi Girls!

I hear ya Rebecca. I'm now into my 36 cycle and am coming up on my 3rd year "anniversary". It gets hard to believe after awhile. I can't believe how few of us are left. You never really imagine yourself here, but I guess we all have to adapt to our realities the best we can.

It's been a long time since I posted anything. There hasn't been a whole lot going on for me related to TTC so I just sort of gave up on the board. I really felt like anything I said would just be taken as me being a bitter, old infertile. I still don't know if we're going to do IVF this spring. I'm trying to get in better shape, and have lost 6 pounds in the last month. It hasn't been easy, or particularly fun, but I figure I want to be in the best shape I can be if we do decide to go that route.

I'm gettinge excited for the holidays! Lauren's blinkies are always so festive. I don't think I've changed mine in years. My parents are coming on Thursday. I already have my Turkey in the fridge, ready to pop into the oven.

And then this will be the first year I am not at my parents house for Christmas morning. Juan and I have never spent Christmas together, and I just feel like it's time that we do. It's going to be hard for my dad, but he's going to have to get over it!!

Speaking of which, last weekend my dad was in the hospital. They thought he was having a heart attack, but it wasn't. Though they did find that he has coronary heart disease. So now I have an even bigger reason to be healthy.

I hope everyone takes lots of holiday pictures! Lauren are you doing your pink tree?

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Emily - How has your dad been as far as his other health scares in the past year?? I hope he is okay. Coronary heart disease is a scary thing.

Good for you for losing a few pounds! I was just cleaning out some old stuff and came across some of my honeymood pictures. OMG I was so skinny. That was about 15 pounds ago. Makes me wonder if the added weight is a contributing factor with my IF, since I got pg so quickly the first time. I really need to make better conscious decisions and get back into my healthy eating patterns and yoga.

I'm sure you and Juan will have a fantastic Christmas together, even if you don't get to see your family. They're only a phone call away. I wish I could just stay home for Christmas, but it's different when you only have a few miles between families and not hundreds or thousands of miles.

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Rebecca, I'm sure 15 pounds isn't going to be the reason. I think it would have to be a lot of weight. It can't hurt to lose weight, but I never think you look overweight in your pics.

I am going home for a few days before Christmas so I can at least see my family during Christmas-time. But i'll be back in VA on the 23rd. Juan and I have no idea what we'll do! But it will definitely be nice for it to be a bit calmer and less child-oriented. I love my nieces and cousins, but sometimes it's overwhelming when you're the only adult there without kids, or without your spouse even (since Juan won't be coming with due to work). For the last several years I've felt pretty much like the old spinster cat-lady, who doesn't even have any cats!

My dad has been better since they got rid of their cats. His asthma has gone away and he's not on the inhaler that made him crazy and aggressive anymore. I think the heart disease has really scared him though. He needs to be so careful about his health now. And he's only 54.

Do you guys have a busy holiday season planned? I love the holidays but it does get overwhelming!

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I'm glad your dad isn't on that inhaler anymore. I remember how worried you were about him and your mom.

I'm sure you and Juan will find something to do I understand how you feel, though. Going to my sister's is really hard for me. Her most recent was born in September and I haven't even really seen her yet (just from a distance when she was baptized). Luckily, I think my sister understands and doesn't take it personally.

I'm not at all ready for the holidays. I'm off today and was planning to get my Thanksgiving baking done. Well, I have an apple pie in the oven and dog treats made and another batch cut out ready to bake. Maybe dh will help me with the pumpkin rolls. We're going to my MIL's house for Thanksgiving. I think it will just be me and dh there. I doubt SIL will show up. I feel so bad for my MIL because I know how badly SIL hurts her. Sometimes I think it's on purpose, too. Stupid *!@(%

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Hello Friends! Em, I am so happy to see you posting!

I have been at my mom's this week, but will head home tomorrow. I have had some work here in SC to do. It has been a nice visit. Bec~ I was at Barefoot the other day and thought of you! WIsh you were here with me!

I am SO excited about Christmas! I can't wait to get my pink tree out, Emily! I will decorate this weekend, and post some pictures. I made a new wreath for the front door, and at the end of last year we bought a BIG pre-lit tree for the formal living room. We will still get a real tree for the den. We're having a big Christmas party at our house this year, so that will be fun.

I am still on bcps, somewhere around cd 17ish. I started cramping REALLY badly on Sunday and today has been rough too. I am now spotting, and dont really know why. I called and left a message for the drs office, so we'll see what they say. I am ready to start my DE cycle with the new donor. I am excited about her, and really hope she will be able to help us.

Em~ I hope this is a very special Christmas for you and Juan! This will be the first Christmas in 33 years that I will not be with my mom. My parents are going on a cruise for 2 weeks, so they will be gone over Christmas. DH and I will have the house to ourselves, when the kids leave on Christmas Day at noon. I told DH I plan to sit in my quiet house and just stare at the Christmas decorations, since he goes back to work the day after Christmas.

Bec~ Dog treats! Your pups are so spoiled! My poor dogs get the packaged generic treats!

Where is Bets? Will she come post with us now?

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Lauren - Ahhhh, Barefoot!! I wish I was there too. Sure would beat this weather we're having right now... SNOW. Blech! I'm ready for spring.

I saw that you were spotting. With all of the meds that you've had to take to stimulate, maybe your body is confused now that you're telling it to take a break. I hope your doctor has some reassuring words for you.

Yes, my dogs are spoiled rotten. Those treats I made actually might be kinda tastey. I'm not brave enough to try one, though. Just the thought of eating a 'dog treat'. Here's what's in them.... cashew butter, an apple, apple peels (from the pie apples), a yam, whole wheat flour, corn meal, oatmeal, egg, a scoop of my fiber shake powder and some citrus essential oils.

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I swear I feel like the Godfather - "Everytime I try to get out they pull me back".

Rebecca, Lauren, Em, we've all had our conversations offline but there is something about this damn url that will link us if not for ever for a very damn long time.

I often can't believe that we are even left. It wasn't supposed to be this way. As time goes on some things get easier some things get harder. Even just tonight Carlos took down all the Christmas decorations and I found an ornament that I bought for Christmas 05, for my soon to be baby. How can it be a dream that we innocently had 3 years ago has still not come true. Every time I think I'm over it, something happens that reminds me I'm not. My recent 42 day cycle certainly made me age 5 years and gave me hope I hadn't felt in, exactly a year. It's been a year since I got my BFP that turned into my first loss. It feels like it was 100 years ago, a different person, a different time.

Thank you Lauren & Rebecca for always listening to me when I needed to vent.

Em - I swear we were connected in a previous life. There just can't be any other explanation for how strongly I feel for you. 3,000 miles apart we share so many secrets, dreams, and memories, we disagree at times, see life in so many similar and different ways. Yet we get it.

Okay enough of the mushy stuff.

All is well here, survived layoffs at my job, my furbabies are beautiful, my living room is full of Christmas Decorations and we keep going back and forth on what we are doing for Thanksgiving which is like what 48 hours away? Oh and I'm on my 3rd book of the Twilight series and I started on the 14th. =)

Lauren I agree love the blinkies, Christmas wouldn't be the same without it. I'll switch to something less bitter over the weekend.

Rebecca - thanks for making a spot for the misfits. =) Is that what they were called? In Rudoph the red noise renideer when they are on that island?

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Betsy - Yes, that's what they were called, but I don't think we're 'misfits'. We all have a place. It just takes some longer to find theirs.

I'm so glad to have you all back!!

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Did you guys see the news about the terrorist attacks in Mumbai, India? I'm so freaked out. My mother is supposed to go back to Mumbai next week. She has in the past stayed at one of the hotels that is being attacked.

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Emily - That is exactly why I only watch the news to see the weather. I can't listen about all of the fighting and killing. I hope things are better soon over there, for your mom's sake. Do you think she might consider postponing her trip?

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I hope so. I can't imagine her company would send her over there only a few days after this happened. It's probably going to send my dad into a panic attack.

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UGH... I am STILL cramping terribly and bleeding! The drs office said I may be dehydrated and to drink lots of water, but the bleeding is ok. They were NO help.

Bets~ The IM on facebook was not working well, so I couldnt chat with you. I want to see pictures of your Christmas decorations!!

Em~ I was worried to see the reports in India too. My cousin lives there, but in Kodaikanal, which seems to be a good distance away.

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Lauren - How are you feeling? Has the spotting stopped?

How was everyone's holiday?? Ours was good. We went to my MIL's house. It was just the 4 of us. SIL didn't go because she didn't want to drive. What ever! MIL is a really good cook, but she likes to do things in advance and the turkey was dry as a bone.

She mentioned that her DIL is having Christmas dinner for their side of the family, so we will have our Christmas the day after. I suggested that everyone comes to my house instead..... we'll see what happens.

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