okay. so this is my first time to put my experience out there. but have been so upset lately really just need to know someone else understands. here is my story.. (will try the short version)

my husband and i married 6 years ago. had no problem conceiving immediately but had m/c. a few months later as soon as we decided to try again were sucessful in boy. we have always wanted many children and i think i just took for granted how easily we conceived. because 18 months ago we decided to try one more time. since then i have had 2 miscarriages and numerouse tubals. i have gone through many tests and medications. clomid, shots, etc. and have been sent to many specialists. and all of them said that we have no reason not to be pregnant. the only constructive thing i found was that i have PCOS. i treated that and waited. just like i had been. but still something just didnt seem right. finally i listened to my instincts and talked to my original obgyn who has always been wonderful and told him that i feel like we have been treating the wrong thing. FINALLY someone who cared. he sent me to the hospital and did laproscopic surgery on me and found that due to my previous cesareans i had HORRIBLE scar tissue. the worst he had ever seen and no wonder i havent conceived. 6 weeks later they cut me from hip to hip and i underwent a 6 hour surgery to remove the scar tissue. Tomorrow is they day i will find out if it all worked or not. they are doing a dye injection in my uterus.and i am scared to death. what if it didnt work. what if my tubes are still blocked.what will i do then my only option after this is IVF. and that is so FRUSTRATING knowing i had no problem conceiving before.

i know some of you are thinking what is she complaining about, she has 2 children already, she should be happy with what she has. and dont get me wrong i am very blessed. but i have this overwhelming need to give love to a child. i have always wanted many children but due to cesareans i can only have one more. I have so much love still to give. and the thought of never feeling that again makes me CRAZY. and no one i know understands.

Jessica - I hope that you continue your TTC journey here with us. You will find women here with all different types of situations. Quite a few are trying for their 3rd. I personally am trying for my 2nd. Many for their first.

We all have at least one thing in common. we want to feel a life within us. And many who came here have graduated to the preggo side and they still walk with us until we get our BFP.

I pray that you get good news tomorrow.

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Jessica- I too hope you get good news. I have had 2 m/c and I am so sorry for you loss.

No one here will ever think that b/c you already have 2 children you should just be happy with what you have. Keep posting, the women here are so supportive and wonderful and I have found many dear friends here.

Good luck tomorrow.

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i appreciate so much the opportunity to talk with people who actually understand. everyone around me thinks i should give up. and that i have gone to extremes having surgery just because i "had a feeling" no one understands that women have instincts and we know when something is wrong with our bodies.

just nice to hear that i am doing the right thing. thanks so much for the support

Jessica~ I'm so sorry for all of your frustration, and all that you have been through. It is difficult sometimes to find people who understand and share the common NEED of having a child, whether it be your first or third. I am so glad you found us!

I pray to hear good news from you soon!

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Jessica- Pretty much all of us here know the pain and frustration of those around us not being able to understand. I know that is why I joined this forum. People are able to understand that it is frustrating, but don't really get how crushing it can be for your body to fail at what it should so easily be able to do. So hopefully you will find, as I have, that this is the place that you can let it all out, and people actually WILL understand, because most of us are in similar situations.

Good luck with your dye test tomorrow. I assume you are getting the HSG? I documented my experience somewhere on here, if you want to know what is going to happen.

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Jessica - you have found a very supportive group of women. If you were going for your 10th child, I think we would still understand your strong desire to be a mother again. May God bless you and you family and you face this challenge. Good Luck!

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Betsy- Your words were beautifully said. It brought tears to my eyes! Weird.

Jessica- We can all understand your longing for a child, no matter which number it makes. Just take the days one at a time and if the results don't look good, we'll just have to help you through it.

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