Going home to help with my grandma. I know it's not dangerous, I just hate wasting time. Besides, the spotting is really annoying. I'm constantly worried that it's going to start all of a sudden when I'm in an inconvenient place!

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Lisa - Hugs. I know exactly what you are going through. My dad has been gone since 1989. The anniversaries are just the worst.

Emily - Sorry to hear about your grandma's condition. Hugs.

Missy - Good luck today!

Jen - The doctor may surprise you & be wonderful & try his/her best to help you. I'm going to cross my fingers that the appointment goes great.

Irene - I know it sucks not knowing what the RE's next step is. If my Lap had turned out 'fine' my next step would have been injectibles. At your first visit, he will just go over what tests you've had, the results, then decide what step is best for you. Sorry about the temp drop, but it isn't over until the rag shows.

JJ - Where are you at in Wisconsin?

Rebecca - Glad to hear the massage went well! You'll be booked up before you know it! How many days will you be at the salon?

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Em- Oh Duh, you said that's where you were going already. . I hear ya about inconvienent places.

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Jen - I am so sorry to hear what all you are going through - I know all too well the feelings you are having, and all I can say is you are not alone. Many of us here have gone through just what you are going through and we are here for you as a support. I realized through my journey in life how people can try to understand and can say they understand, but unless they are experiencing things like we do, they just can't.

The good news, I would think, is that you are getting ready to see a dr. It is AMAZING with technology all the things they can test for and help with. The saddest thing to me is most clinics will wait until you have three miscarriages before they start helping investigate. I have had two for sure, and the dr.'s now think I had several other early chemical pregnancies, but it was by the grace of God that my dr. began seriously testing me after my first miscarriage, and was able to help me get pregnant after giving me a laperoscopy. As I go through infertility stuff now they are constantly taking blood and monitoring my levels. It could be as easy as you having a low progesterone level and getting a daily pill and things will be fine - hopefully you will get answers!

Keep using us to vent and work things through. We are here for you!

Emily - good luck helping out with your grandmother! How long have you been spotting for? I'd like to say I hope AF comes soon, but part of me wonders if maybe you are pregnant? Have you called your dr's office yet?

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Missy - I tested both Sunday and Tuesday, and both not even a whisper of a line on an Answer. I don't feel pregnant, and I usually feel something. Even if O'd on my latest day I've ever O'd, CD18, I'd be 18 dpo today and my LP is NEVER that long. I guess I'll probably test one more time before I go to MN, but will put off talking to the RE until I get back next week. I am sure he'll tell me to just wait it out. Stupid RE.

I can't believe how many of you ladies have lost parents. I never realized how lucky I am to still have both mom and dad. I can't imagine what it feels like to lose a parent.

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Missy- I am probaby misunderstanding, but did your Dr. think that the Endo was contributing to the m/c and the chemicals? They did find endo with your lap, right? Or was it something else?

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OK I'm back... still down but I've pulled myself together. I actually prefer that on clomid I seem to have a decline starting at 10DPO so it cushions the blow that AF is coming... I do appreciate those who said it wasn't a big drop but my overlay looks like crap so its fairly obvious whats happening. I know I still have one more month of clomid but I'm feeling pretty defeatist... probably clomid effects and PMS hormones all mixed in there too!

Em - I know its hard to wait but I had those 2 random 40-50+ day cycles and I did eventually O and get AF naturally. I don't think there's any reason to assume that you'll be annovulatory just that for whatever reason your O was delayed more than usual this month. JMO but I don't think I would want to take provera since who knows how it will mess with your body when hopefully things will resolve themselves on their own. I would think that you're probable not still pre-O but can you do a few temps just to see?

Rebecca - thx for the reminder that Heidi did injectables + timed BD... I guess its been in my head that the next step was IUI and I got overwhelmed thinking of the logistics of whether DH could do it.

Karyn - you are right I will know much more after I get into the RE - they can only work with what we're willing to do anyway. I'm sorry to hear about your dad...

Lisa - sorry to hear about your dad as well... I think the ritual you have with your mother is lovely.

Missy - good luck with the transfer!

Jen - huge hugs. I can imagine how overwhelming it is for you right now... I know I'm scared of the RE and I haven't had the # of losses you have. I hope that your doctor is amazing and that they are able to help you find answers.

JJ - I really hope that your first IVF cycle is successful! I think I will be joining you in making this side my home... its been well over a year and I think I've been in denial and clinging to the TTC side. Now that I'm most likely going to have to do more aggressive treatments it makes sense to post over here where others have gone through the same thing.

Lauren - how are you feeling today? Everything still on track for your new schedule?

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It's my last full day of work so I am SUPER busy, I wish I had all the time to talk to everyone.

But in lieu of that, know that I am sending huge hugs to each of your hearts.

Jen ~ Breathe, breathe, breathe... Anticipation of the unknown is the worst.

Em ~ Maybe, just maybe, things being different could be GOOD. Not trying to blow sunshine and get your hopes up for this cycle, what I mean is, if your body is doing some type of major reset, that could be a good thing, KWIM?

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Steph you are almost here in Florida!!! Very exciting!!!!

JJ I also did IVF and will be starting another cycle here. I start taking my BCP on Sunday so like Lauren said if you have questions dont hesitate to ask. I wish you the best of luck.

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Lisa~Thanks! Good luck to you!

Irene~Thanks. I feel that way too about making this my home. Here's the funny thing--I lurked at CT awhile before posting, and when I was given the go ahead from my dr to ttc again, I wanted to post (on the ttc side) but I was hesitant to do it because I didn't want to be someone who started posting and then got a bfp immediately and made people feel bad-didn't want to be the "newbie with the bfp". I really thought that since I knew what I was doing, knew how to read the signs, etc., I'd have no problem. And now, almost a year later, here I am.

Emily~If AF is going to come, I hope she comes for you so that you don't have to deal with the spotting and her coming at a bad time and place. That's when she always seems to show up for me.

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Claire ~ Hysterectomy?!?!?! Yeah, I’ll live with the spotting.

Irene ~ I worry about that exact same thing about going in to the doctor. I was crying to my mom the other day that Cap’n is looking for a job in San Francisco and he wants to BART to work. The doctor told me that I could come in the afternoons after school for IUI, but what about Cap’n having to leave early from a new job to give a sample?



I really hope that the temp drop is just a fluctuation.

JJ ~ I lurked for awhile too before posting and I never thought about being the newbie with the BFP, but after posting and TTC for a year, I dread “the newbie with the BFP.” There was one a few months back and I was just crushed and cried for days. I just threw out there the “It’s not fair!”

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I have a Q.... if I had 3 follies that released eggies.... wouldn't all 3 follies be corpus luteums now? All 3 are now producing progesterone? I mean b/c that's a LOT of progesterone! Makes sense why my temps are so high.

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Jen- I don't really comment over here, but I just had to respond to you b/c your post got to me. You sound EXACTLY like how I felt inside while TTC. I'm talking word for word, exact same feelings.

I can't give you hope, b/c I don't know what will happen with you. All I can tell you is there is at least one other person out there (in your same state, even!) that has felt what is going on inside of you. I know the pain of being completely consumed. The terror that the doctor may say, "there's nothing wrong.. sorry, we can't help." The agony of seeing what feels like every other person around able to experience something, and being totally left out and totally alone. The frustration of having a partner that gets it, but doesn't TRULY get it. The anguish and heartbreak and guilt and fear that doesn't ever leave, even for a moment.

I promise you, I know. You aren't alone.

Hugs.

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Yesterday was really an emotional day for me, you would think after 13 years it would be better. It didn't help Elmo showed a week late too. Thank for all your support it made my morning this morning.

Jen like Sarah said you are not alone here, we all have been down those roads at one time or another. It comes a time you accept what will be, will be. At least that is where I am now and being the oldest my chances are fading by the hour here to have that little bundle of joy. I have to believe God has something planned somewhere some day for us that will show me why we don't have children. Hang in there you have time on your side.

Emily wishing and praying for you, hope you have a good visit with your Grandma and can at least have a conversation with her to say goodbye.

Kayrn what are you up to this weekend?

Steph breath and don't start thinking things out too much, go with the move.

Irene hope you are doing better, big hug!

Claire and Missy hope to hear good news from you both.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

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Melissa - What is BART?

Lisa - Hugs. Some anniversaries are okay & some really get to you. I have a hard time writing 'dad' on my FIL's Christmas presents, I have to have DH do it. You would think after 19 years I would be fine with it. My sister's husband lost his father too, my nephew who is 6 says "Why don't I have any grandpa's? Anyway before we start tearing up! I have no big plans this weekend. I will be at the pool today & tomorrow. Then Sunday is my niece's baptism. DH has a golf outing Sunday, I can only imagine how loopy he will be when he gets home Are you doing anything fun?

Emily - I hope you made it safe to MN.

Steph - Wow your officially done with work......now get packing

Irene - Hope your day was better yesterday, it turned into a blah day for me too.

Missy - Hope everything went great!

Jen - Good luck today, can't wait to hear how it goes.

Have a great weekend ladies!

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Well my stupid temp went back up today... I think my body is screwing with me just to get my hopes up again. I'm so super emotional and I just can't tell how much is clomid and how much is PMS. Anyway DH and I went out to dinner last night and I had a couple of glasses of sangria... that could be why my temp was up although I figure there's probably only 1 glass of wine in that which doesnt' usually do anything to my temps... wouldn't it be great if I was pg and boozing in the 2WW...

Karyn - I still call my ILs Mr. & Mrs. I definitely wouldn't be able to call them mom and dad although I can imagine it would be even harder when you've lost a parent. That is sad for your nephew I only had 1 grandmother growing up since the rest passed away before I was even born.

Lisa - sorry that AF showed up and made your day even harder.

Missy/Stacey -

Mel - yeah I guess a hysterectomy wouldn't be the way to go while you're TTC! I don't Rhea meant that you should do that! Hopefully clomid works for you but I would love to see your doctor more proactive in figuring out the bleeding (I know I'm harping I just hate to see you unhappy and I can't imagine being happy when you have to go through that day after day).

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