Betsy - No, no teenie bopper neighbors will get any jujus and we won't have to be on the phone, either. It will just happen.

Steph -You know, I've often thought about when the right time is to 'abandon'. I just never, either admitted it to myself or said (wrote) it for someone else to hear (read). I think it's just something that you know, somewhere in the pit of your stomach, you just know.

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I haven't 'known' anything for a long time. I'm spinning out a bit, which is I'm sure why I've been talking like this for the past few days. I'm out of valium, money, spirit, my shoulders and neck are killing me, still in the rental car after he had the wreck a few weeks ago and when the insurance company pays off I'm going to be upside-down in the car note, I might strangle Daniel just in general, my life is sucking the life out of me and it's not going to stop, I screwed up my progesterone, AF came really early, I just exist. I hate everything and I want to disappear.

EDIT: I think I'm very depressed. Raise your hand if you agree. OMG, how do I get out of this life???

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Hey everyone,

I haven't been on the boards in forever, but decided its time to come back. I missed you all!!!

We did IUI #6 this AM (3rd try on HMG shots) & we go back again tomorrow. I am starting to lose hope...and then I read about how strong the women on these boards are & it helps.

I am planning for the BFN so it will be easier to handle. I am trying to decide if we should do one more month of shots + IUI or move to IVF. Honestly, I never thought I'd have to think about IVF - it just seems so extreme. Now, it seems like it might be our only option.

** Gem** The Dr is in San Antonio at the U of Texas Health Center - have you been there? I went ahead and made an appt for the inital visit, just to get on the calendar. I've read the posts from the lucky ladies who did IVF last year & learned alot. I've stopped worrying about the costs (insurance ran out in August).

January babydust to everyone!!!

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Jen(sparky) It's soooo good to see you. I often wondered what was going on with you, your chart didn't say much. I knew about the 4th Iui. I'm so sorry you've reached the point of a 6th that sucks. I think if you've done the 6 (which is the Upper end of the average) and you've done 3 with the meds...opening up more about the IVF may be worth a shot.

Kristy - ACK meet the donor...how odd that, that paticular thought never occured to me.

Steph - I still battle with the decisions I've made. Is it the Godfather where he talks about crawling out and they keep dragging him back in? That's how I feel. Almost that I'm obligated to move forward not that I want to. That sounds pretty shitty now that I read it. But it is what it is.

jen (angel) I seem to be more affected with what goes on here IF wise in the last 6 months or so, where I will just cry thinking of other's situations. There was a time after my first IUI that this wall went up and I was preparing to unplug....didn't work.

We've been home and naked most of the day and the christmas decorations are down. Weve decided that tomorrow we are going to rearrange the furniture.

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Good morning all~
I hope everyone is having a nice weekend. It is a beautiful day here. It is warmer than it has been and it is very bright and sunny outside. DH was gone all day yesterday, hunting, but he came back last night. We went to dinner last night and talked more about this whole donor thing. I think at some point today we are going to sit down and complete the paperwork to get that ball rolling...

Sparky~ Glad to see you back!

Bets~ YAY for naked. I know you were sad to take your decorations down. Thanks for offering to send the book. I read online the other day about a book about using DE, so I am hoping to go to the bookstore and get it. I am glad to hear Em is doing well. I know she is so happy to be with Juan.

Steph~ I am so sorry you're so overwhelmed right now. I know you have been through so much, and I never know what I can say to comfort you... I know there probably isn't anything. I think about you often and pray that things become clear for you. *hugs*

Kimberly~ Thanks so much!

Jen(Angel)~ It is impossible not to get caught up in everyone elses world on here. We all share the same pain, it is just slightly adjusted to our own situations. I am so thankful to have this place, because here people understand that pain and I am not alone. *hugs*

Kristy~ All donors through my doctor are anonymous, so unless I brought someone I know, I would never have access to who the donor is/was, and neither would my child. One of thos eartilces I posted in the DE thread, said one of the reasons not to tell your child about using DE is because if they knew they would NEVER be able to find their donor... It is almost more painful (unless I used a donor I personally knew) for the child to know they were conceived that way, but could never track their bio mom. It is such a DEEP subject to consider...

Dana~ Thanks for checking on me!

Tammi~ Thank you!

Tina~ Thank you!

Bec~ I hope we will be able to see each other sometime this summer!

Heidi~ I am coming to terms with DE more everyday. It still makes me sad. I always wanted a baby to look like me, or have some of my traits. It is so hard to give up that dream.

How are you feeling? When is your surgery scheduled? I am so out of the loop... I cannot keep it all in my head!

Honey~ Thank you!

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Lauren-It's crazy to think where we all started, what we've done and where we are headed. Some times I find it hard to wrap my mind around it all too. I think I've done a bit of soul searching and trying to come to terms with our situation as well. I hope you and DH have a good conversation about DE. I know you'll make the right decision.

My surgery is scheduled for the 23rd. I'm officially in the 2ww again but not putting a lot of stock into a natural cycle. But I'm ok withat that since we have a plan and next step. I'll be happy to get the surgery out of the way......I hate having those types of things looming ahead.

Betsy-Yeah to lots of naked time!

Sparky-Glad to see you back. Sorry that things are still not resulting in a BFP. I hope this IUI is different than the others!

Hi Steph, Kimberly, Karyn, Em (hope you're enjoying Juan), Rebecca, Deanna and Jen.

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Random question - Does anyone belong to Resolve? I was wondering if anyone has found it helpful.

RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association: homepage

Jen

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Hi girls! I've been on this weekend, but haven't had much time to post. I had to clean my house all day yesterday while DH worked in the basement. Our Buckeyes play on Monday, so the house had to be clean for everyone! We are also finishing our basment so everything upstairs keeps getting dusty...its frustrating!

Lauren~I sure wish we had some sun shining here! Its gloomy and crappy....the kind of weather that is just plain depressing! We're going to Myrtle Beach in April....so I hope its nice there then!

Crap, DH is ready to head to town. So I'll finish later! BTW...AF has still not shown. If AF was a person....i'd strangle her!!! The one time her visit is very much welcome....she is behind!! ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Uh-Oh, Deanna - I didn't realize there was anyone on here who was going to try to beat my Tigers. I'll just apologize in advance for your Buckeyes losing.

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Kelly we shall see tomorrow I guess! DH is a huge Buckeye's fan....I don't want to see him cry again this year!

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Bets~ At home naked sounds great!! I love laying beside my honey naked, nothing else feels like that.
As for the SA, they gave me instructions but it didn't say no lube. I went back and read it and it said not to use a condom with lube to catch the sample, so I should've known better but I wasn't thinking. What did y'all use for the SA? PreSeed?
During our fertile patch last month is when we tried the eggwhite. I have used PreSeed before and may order it again. Before I knew any better we were using KY. But anyway, I"ll call tomorrow morning and get the results and let you know.

Oh I was gonna say, I haven't taken any Ibuprofen in like 3 or 4 weeks and my AF this time was probably 3x heavier, so I know it was doing something to me.

Hi everybody!! Em, I hope your having fun!


GO TITANS!!!

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Sparky~ Betsy goes to some RESOLVE meetings and events.

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Kimberley ~ I was unable to be available when my DH did the SA....he does manual labor (rough hands = ouch) and I told him NO LUBE.....poor guy was red "down there" for a week and was so sensitive if you get my drift. I felt bad, but our sample was pure, lol. So, I don't know what you're "supposed" to use but I made DH "rough it." He really is great.

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Kayla,
Oh my gosh!! Poor guy............DH said no way to a dry ummm whatchmacallit! So, I guess I need to order some PreSeed. What did everybody else use?

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Kimberly - When we did dh's sample, I actually did it for him with no lube. You just have to get a little creative. I think I might have blown on it a few times or something....

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Kimberly - Are you sure you need to do it again? What were the counts? My Dh never uses lube or anything for selfloving. He just uses the pre ejaculation. Also for all the s/a's (except the last one) and the IUI's we did all the "forplay" kind of stuff. Then once the "pre-juice" come up it was all systems go. I would strongly advice for the s/a not to use anything.

Lauren - Seeing the decorations go down was really emotional for me. Since Carlos put everything up the first day of the lost and I was in bed. The tree was also still fresh and it was just sad to see something so beautiful be discarded........ I wanted to comment on what you said to Heidi about your child having your traits. Those are one of the expectations you have about having children. But it's not a guarantee it will happen. I look nothing like my parents or my sister. Your child with Steve will most likely look like him. He has strong genes cause both the kids look a lot like him. Also I'm not sure if you notice this with your step kids but Jonathan has picked up alot of Carlos' habits. Small things...the way he cuts his food, the way he laughs, they way they make funny faces. small expressions, the way the fold towels and t-shirts. I've never commented on it...just enjoy it internally. Jonathan was already grown when Carlos came into our lives, so these observations surprise me.

Jen - I am involved with Resolve. I go to big events as well as local smaller events. I'll send you a PM a little later on tonight about my feelings towards it. If you read earlier in this same thread I'm going to an all day symposium this Saturday.

Oh!!!!!! I almost forgot - Lauren - did you know that it is "suspected" that Elizabeth Edwards used donor eggs for her 2 smaller children? She was 48 & 50 when she had them. (I think I'm doing the ages from memory)

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Bets~ I know those are things I put on myself... but it still makes