Lauren~ I'm so sorry to hear that. What a stressful and emotional day you've had. Your strength and optimism is uplifting to us all. I think the second opinion is a great idea...you can really make a firm decision when you know more from that. Putting in the app. is a good idea too just in case that's the route you choose to go. I often wonder the same thing...is this a sign? should we be looking at something different like adoption? or should we just be happy being the Aunt and Uncle? It's so much to think about. I'm glad your DH is such a rock for you, I know that is a tremendous help during this difficult time. I will say a prayer for you that you will continue to be filled with strength during this stressful time.

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These are some of my favs:

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Hi All~
Thanks so much for all of your sweet words. I wish I could hug you all. It has been a difficult day. I get myself together and stop crying and then all of a sudden something sneaks into my mind and I cry again. Anyway, I am fine, and will be. I honestly recognize that I am so blessed to have so many amazing things in my life. I dont want to lose sight of all I have to be thankful for. I NEVER want to take my life or the people in it for granted.

I have talked to Rebecca. We have been pm'ing for a while now (probably the last month or so in my anticipation that this was the next step), and I have asked a lot of questions. She has been wonderful. It is so nice to hear about her experience and how it all worked out for her.

Christie & Kayla~ Thank you so much

Snowie~ You are very sweet. It just makes me start questioning that maybe the baby I am supposed to have is a baby that is not genetically mine.

My mom made me cry today talking to her about this... (not that that is hard to do today...) My mom had baby boy who died as a baby and then she had a miscarriage. By the time she had me, she decided to stop ttc, and just be thankful for having one healthy baby, me. She said she always felt like I was the baby she was supposed to have. There was no reasoning as to why she lost the other 2 babies, but by her losing those babies, she had me. She said MAYBE that is why... and maybe a DE baby is the one I am *supposed* to have.

Kelly~ You can either chose to use a known donor, or an anonymous donor. That is a big decision. There are some things that would be nice to know the donor, but there are also a lot of strings attached with that. I dont want to use someone as a donor who would ever look at my child as being "theirs." I dont even know if I would want my child to know if they were conceived via DE... So in that case it would be easier for it to be anonymous. As far as the matching, we would submit pics of both dh and I, and fill out A LOT of paperwork about our physical traits and info about what we want in a donor. They can also match bloodtype, which would be REALLY important if you didnt plan to tell the child, so it matched the parents. There is SO MUCH to think about! I thought about starting a thread for DE, but I dont really know enough to know what to post at this point...

Steph~ No, no additional testing was done on my eggs. The main problem they found was the thickness of the shells on my eggs. It was really thick, and hard for sperm to penetrate. Thanks so much... all of your kind words give me a bit more peace. *hugs*

Bec~ I wish we could get together again!! It was nice talking to someone in person about all of this IF cr@p.

Cristina~ Thank you! I love my siggy btw!

Bets~ They didnt give me any percentages for icsi or ah with the last cycle. They told me from the beginning that my eggs didnt look good, but I assumed when they fertilized that it would be ok. I knew they did ah to increase my chances. He said even with all that, my chances were slim. I dont really know, and I will be glad to get a second opinion, but I feel like the dr is being straight with me, and trying to be honest. I think my chances are slim going back to clomid/iui, but it would be a way to us to keep "trying" while we're deciding where to go next.

Becky~ Thanks for the prayers!

Girls, someone posted something on ff one time that really stuck with me, and i have thought about it a lot lately...

She said that you should have to have a plan when dealing with infertility... Your plan can include ideas "a", "b", and "c"... You can put a lot of energy and money into plan "a", but you shouldnt put ALL of your money and energy into that first plan, because then if "a" doesnt work, you have nothing left to move forward with plan "b." I guess I am thinking, I can continue to do ivf with my eggs and move from dr to dr and travel the country to find doctors that work with "poor responders" but that would use all of our money that we have to work with, and probably exhaust us with the entire ttc process... and in the long run may still not have a baby and have no more money or energy to even consider plan "b." Does this make sense????

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Lauren ~ It does make sense. I have no plans, which is one of the things that has pissed me off. Once the clomid thing flopped, and not having health insurance now to even go get b/w done to see if my prog. cream is 'working', and not having been ttc most of the year with all the marital strife, and not even knowing if I had this 'marriage' to work with in the future...blah, blah, blah...what was I saying? Oh yeah, I have no plan. No health ins, so there's no REs in my near future. Not that I think I need that, but...you never know; if I'd have had another m/c this year... I get really mad, cause DH has asked, or brought up IVF and stuff like that (he even talked a/b it last week) and I get SO mad, cause all I can ever really get out about it is that we're not even CLOSE to that level, and that the old fashioned way might work just fine, and I may have fixed my problem...(and I don't even feel that strongly a/b ttc and him at this point, but I don't say that...we don't talk a/b it yet...we don't talk much a/b anything much). Anyway, I wouldn't have insurance or money available for any further medical procedures, even if they were needed. And then he'll pop out something stupid like how I can 'get training as a volunteer in a hospital NICU' and then I mentally blow a gasket, think something like 'spoken like someone who doesn't understand me at all' or 'spoken like someone who's had children since they were 19'. I think it's at the root of some of my long-term anger with him, is he thinks he gets it, and I know there's no way for him to. He ends up saying things like 'I lost them too' etc, and a/b having to watch me be destroyed by it all. Sometimes, I think I'm more "over" the m/cs than he is, or like he doesn't understand that I put it to bed a year ago, and my feelings are about me, the woman, the mother, my future, what I was promised, what I'm supposed to have -- from here. And he misunerstands and thinks I'm mourning the ones that never got a chance to be. I think I've screamed a few times about 'it's not about the ones that are gone, it's about the ones that are waiting to have a chance...it's about the future' and 'you don't know what it's like to be ME and be childless and be 31 and...'

Wow, I'm really babbling. Apparently, some thought opened up a big hole in the dam for me...

I don't even know what I'm talking about.

Lauren ~ I don't know how, but it you got something good out of my babbling, I'm happy about that. I never feel like I make any sense. Like now.

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Oh yeah, and I didn't know that many people knew about LOLcats! I was cracking up at the toner one...

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Oh yeah, oh yeah, and thanks, you like-ey my quitting blinkie, Betsy? It's purple! I didn't find many, but I like this one.

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LOL Betsy!

I've only seen him at Raw's a couple times too and both those times I kept thinking "Gimme, Gimme, Gimme!"

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Lauren ~ I'm so sorry *hugs* & like the other gals have said I'm so proud of your positivity and will to go on. I think your mom hit the nail on the head with her story.

Betsy ~ I wish I would have known about the RESOLVE seminar sooner, I could have flown down for it.

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Lauren-First of all great big hugs to you. As always you amaze me with your strength and willingness to continue on this journey. I know I've said it before but it's you and the other women here that always make me and help me continue moving forward. Don't give up. As for having plan a, b and c......I can't remember which TTC book I read it in but she mentioned how important it is to make plans, have back up plans and constantly talk about it with your spouse. And to change plans when necessary. I know we've gone a lot farther than we ever thought we would and I have too changed from the possibility of adoption to IVF if things don't work out for us. Keep moving, talking and making plans. I think you still have some good options out there. And if you use DE, so what? You will still carry that child for nine months and raise that child. It will still be a part of you no matter what and how you got there.

Em-I'm really sorry about the cat. Not fun when animals get sick because they are such a huge part of the family.

I've been out of the loop and its hard trying to catch up when there's a couple of pages. So I'm not going to try. Hi to everyone!

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Lauren - We will. I'll be visiting MB again. I will definitely let you know when I plan to go back down.

Betsy - I knew that Reiki was part of the curriculum, but I didn't realize that I would receive attunement. I'm pretty excited about it. Once I get the second attunement, I'll be sending some positive energy to CA.

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http://rchiprean.abmp.com/index.html

Lauren~(((HUGS))) I'm sorry you had such a hard day. As far as using DE, I think it's great that your DH is behind that if that is the decision that you both decide is the best for you. Like everyone else has said you are an awesome person for staying positive & being thankful for what you have in your life. Just know that we will all be here to support you in whatever you decide.

Betsy~I say let Carlos go with you if he is interested in the Resolve seminars. It might be good to go together. I know exactly where Gaylord Palms is. We pass it on our way to Disney. It is supposed to be really nice. Call me whenever it's good for you.

Lauren - I am so sorry to hear about your appointment. I do admire how positive you have been and continue to be. I believe going in for a 2nd opinion is the wisest thing you can do. Meanwhile, keeping open the communication on how you feel and how your husband feels about the de and any other options you might consider....I will continue to pray and wish for the best for you.

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[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]

Morning girls

We were in bed having coffee and it's raining which of course most of southern california calls a storm...it's ridiculous...anyway.

melissa - You should go on the website and sign on for information with REsolve. I've gone to quite a few events. I didn't click with the local support groups unfortunately because I already have a child. Which really pissed me off cause I feel I have alot of knowledge I can offer up to those groups. I was floored with how little knowledge these women had on some of the basics and just rushed into medical stuff without even knowing if they ovulated or not and just blindly trust their doctors. But the big events so far have been good.

Rebecca - Would we do that over the phone? Cause I don't want you sending any positive jujus over here and the teeny bopper that lives behind me with her 2 welfare children gets them instead. Oh wait that was negtive wasn't it?

Lauren - Em wanted me to send you her love. She landed in Mexico after a delay late yesterday. Carlos & I have spent alot of time talking about you this morning. It's funny cause he's all pro donor egg in your situation and then I'm like.......how is that different from donor sperm?

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Lauren - I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this yet again. I'm still pretty pissed the first few IVFs didn't work. It is very hard to figure out what is "supposed" to be for each of us. I don't know that we actually know until we look back and see how a certain situation changed us, helped us, hurt us. I do believe there is a plan for each of us and you should live your life the best you can. I know right now your heart is broken but you are such a strong person you will find just the right thing to mend it. My mother always told me "Life is not always fair but it is what you make of it that really matters." Hang in there! Biggest (((Hugs))) to you!!

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Dana

Lauren, I don't have any answers for you and I don't understand why this is so hard for some people and so easy for others. I wish I knew the answers and could help you. I had a couple last month that was having twins from DE. She had tried for years to get pregnant, multiple IUI's, drugs, IVF 5 times with her own eggs and then finally DE. It worked the first cycle and she was pregnant with twin boys. She didn't tell any of her friends but had told his and her parents. She wasn't sure what she was going to tell the boys when they got older or if she would ever tell them. She had a picture of the woman and her entire history including what she did for a living so she said if she did tell the boys and they wanted to meet her it wouldn't be that hard to find her. She had an amazing connection with her pregnancy and with her boys when they were born because even though they hadn't come from her egg, she was the one that had grown them, felt them move, prepared for them and bonded with them. Maybe your RE has someone that has used DE that you could talk with and they could answer all the questions you have. {{{Hugs}}}

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