Betsy - Last night was my first Reiki class (not sure if you're familliar with Reiki). It's a form of energy healing. What I learned was that next week, I will receive my 'attunement', meaning I will open to practice Reiki on others. In a few weeks, I will receive my second attunement which will enable me to practice distance healing. I was thinking about this 'distance' stuff and all of my friends on CT..... I will be sending my positive energy vibes to all of you. For some reason, though, YOU were really heavy on my mind. I'm not sure why.

Here's a link to what Reiki is about....

What Is Reiki?

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Betsy- RR is restroom silly! More specifically, it is a #2 feeling, but you don't really have to go. At least that's been my O-pain recently.

One of my friends in Cali just sent me pictures of her wedding that took place December 23. They look so happy and content it just makes me tear up. I wish we could all stay so happy and hopeful. IF has a way of changing you and with those changes, your relationship matures into a solid, serious love. I know the "puppy-love" stage doesn't last long anyway, but I think IF definitely has a way of speeding that process by. Am I making sense???

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Kelly - its even funnier that I picture DH in a ditch since we live in Manhattan where there are no ditches!

Betsy - I've never heard of those kind of events. It sounds like you will get alot from it. As far as choosing which ones you will go to its really hard. You seem torn between the more scientific ones and the spiritual ones. I'm thinking that since you've done so much research, the spiritual ones might be more helpful with your state of mind. But then again, you never know if you'll learn something new in the scientific ones. I guess that wasn't really helpful. If Carlos does go with you, Coping As a Couple could be a good one to attend together.

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Rebecca - Thanks for the wine tips, I'll definitely try to find some today! Don't feel bad about being in bed early on NYE. Trust me if we didn't have company, Dh & I would of been asleep early too! Have fun with the Reiki course! The salon I went to for a massage, also has a Reiki treatment and a hot stone massage. Not sure which one I want to do next time! They are both 1 hour long, so I don't think I could go wrong with either one!

Emily - So sorry about your cat. I'm glad you did get to see her recently.
Glad to hear Juan is ok! I hate that feeling when you can't get a hold of them, you always think the worst! You will be with him in no time!

Kimberly - Get on that phone & see if they have the results!

Kelly - Thanks for the wine tips!

Steph - Good for you quitting smoking! I did & it wasn't that bad. I honestly didn't think I could do it, I hate to say it but I liked smoking! Someone told me when you finally are really ready & have it in your mind, you can quit. I did have a few when we would be out drinking, but then I said to heck with that to. It's weird how strong it smells to me now, when DH smokes. They just passed a law, no smoking in the bars in Illinois as of January 1.

Becky - I have your suggestion on my list to get today! You did get your blinkies figured out! Looks good!

Lauren - There are ALWAYS pregnant women in my doctor's waiting room. Not to mention, the 50 preggo magazines everywhere too! Great pics by the way! Good luck at the RE today, can't wait to hear!

Betsy - Cranberry & champagne sounds good! I would of tried that but I drank the entire bottle of cranberry with my vodka the night before! I don't know that I would of been able to stomach more cranberry anyway! LOL at our boyfriend! Did you mean notice the hand because he's not wearing a wedding ring? Well duh, that's because I'm dating him, geez I thought you knew I love that man, everytime I see a picture of him, I want to bite him. What was that movie of his? I forgot the title, now I have to rent it.
All of those classes sound good! It would be nice to do the couple one with DH, then maybe another one or two with some FF girls.

Deanna - That puppy pic is so darn cute!

Heidi - I hope your sleeping in today!

Jo - Yes, your making sense!

Irene - LOL at no ditches in Manhattan!

Hi Snowie!

HB - I bought the magazine the day you posted about the article!

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Karyn ~ I quit years ago for six years and started again about four and a half years ago, so I'm not too stressed a/b quitting. I had aaaaaalmost quit again a year ago (I was only smoking one cigarette every few days) but then my life exploded, with shrapnel that has continued to fly around and still does, so I started again, and heavily (for me - that means a/b a pack a day). It's fluctuated a lot over the past year, sometimes only a handful a day, sometimes more than a pack a day, depending on circumstances and what's going on at the time. I know I can quit; I'm pretty impressed with Daniel. He's doing very well. I told him about the altoids trick, which was told to me by our office supply rep guy when I was quitting all those years ago. So far, he's cut down to one pack that last him throughout one day and the majority of the evening. What else happens depends on how well he does or doesn't sleep that night. It's only been a few days, and I can see major differences in his physical habits, so that's really good. He's never tried to quit before, not since he was a teenager.

Betsy ~ Yes, I'd like a blinkie, or I might have Tammy or Cristina make me something about me and DH coutdown to quitting or working on quitting -- the 'end date' is supposed to be January 31st.

Hi everyone.

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Hi Girls~
I had my appt with the doctor this morning. It has been a very emotional day. Basically he said he doesnt think ivf is the answer for us. We talked to the embryologist too, and they have given me an estimated 5% chance of ivf working for me, because my eggs are so bad. His suggestion is to move to donor eggs. He said we do not have to decide now, but he pretty much said he will give us our money back from shared risk and not do another ivf cycle with my eggs. He thinks it is wasting our money. He said he would do a few cycles of clomid/iui (yes, we have done 3 prior to ivf) while we decide what to do. Then atleast we are trying something, but spending SIGNIFICANTLY less money and energy ttc. He said that with poor eggs (and mine suck) sometimes removing them from the body for ivf can be harder on them, therefore it is a possibility (although slim) that I can get pregnant with multiple eggs being released (Clomid+trigger) and the eggs remaining inside my body to be fertilized (iui).

It is all so heartbreaking and gives us SO MUCH to talk about. We did request copies of our medical records and I plan to call another RE in our area for a second opinion. If the second opinion pretty much says the same thing we will probably more seriously consider using donor eggs. The doctor gave us about a 60% chance of success with donor eggs, compared to my 5% chance with my own eggs.

He did give us the packet of info on donor eggs to fill out and turn in. He said there is no cost for that, and then atleast the ball is rolling if we decide to do that at some point. He said it can take a while to find a match for a donor, so if we turn it in, we are moving forward, even if we havent made a decision yet. I think we will probably do that.

Since we did the shared risk program ,we have 2 cycles still "owed" to us. He said we can get our money back, or hold in until we decide about DE. If we decide to use DE at some point, those 2 cycles we have left in shared risk can be used, so our only expense above that for DE is the $3000 donor fee.

I am just torn. This is so hard. At some point do you just feel like God (or some power higher, and more knowing than you) is trying to point you in another direction for your "own good?" Do we just have to trust that there is a reason I am not getting pregnant, and that maybe it is best for our baby to use DE? I DON'T KNOW. Does anyone have any insight?

Up to this point DH has not wanted to discuss DE. After our appt today when I asked him about it, he said he knew having a baby was the most imporant thing in the world to me, and if that meant using DE, that would be fine. He is so wonderful. I cannot imagine going through all of this with anyone else. I am so lucky.

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Lauren- Giant hugs to you for your stressful day. I will pray for concrete answers and peace with a decision. If you ever need to talk you know where I am.

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Lauren ~ (((hugs))) I'm so sorry this is all so difficult.

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Oh Lauren. I'm so sorry. I'm glad you're looking into all possibilities, from getting a second opinion to investigating DE. As for the question on a "higher power," I really don't know. I guess a part of me does believe that things happen for a reason though it's not always clear to me what it is at the time I'm going through it or even for some time after. I'm glad you and DH have each other too. *hugs*

And wanna know what I find so absolutely amazing about you and your strength and your character...even after such difficult news, you were able to end your post with the words "I am so lucky." You are an awesom woman, Lauren, and an example to us all.

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Lauren - (((((BIG HUGS))))) you are so strong. I wish I had an answer for you. I believe God has a plan for you, for everyone, but I can only imagine how much you wish He would unveil it to you right now. I will definately say some extra prayers for you, and I will help Hannah say some too. I don't really know anything a/b donor eggs - can you have someone you know donate their eggs? That is sort of an "in general" question - is that possible for anyone? Then, specifically, do YOU know anyone who can donate them? Do they have to be compatible in the same way a blood donor or kidney donor would have to be compatible? Maybe there needs to be a thread dedicated to Donor Eggs. I'm so glad you have such a wonderful DH and that you arent' looking at a lot more out-of-pocket expenses at this time. Hugs, prayers, and good luck!

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Rebecca can probably answer a lot of questions (RebeccaQ) -- she had her sister as a donor.

Lauren ~ *sigh* I wish there was a big book of answers. How to know what to do, and when? I have wished that many times in the past year for me, and it goes way beyond ttc (or lack thereof). I'm sure you are so confused right now. You sound like you are keeping your head on your shoulders, so I'm proud of you. {{{squeeze}}} I had no idea (seems logical, though) that IVF was damaging to the eggies. That sucks. I thought since you responded so well to the last protocol... did they do any testing on the eggs they retrieved that didn't fertilize?

I wish there was a way to make it easier. I often wonder what life would be like *different*, if some of the awful stuff hadn't happened for me.

My beloved favorite self-help-type writer, Iyanla Vanzant, has a phrase: 'You are always being prepared for something better or protected from something worse'. I've pondered that a lot off and on in the past year. I've thought about how much I want to believe in whatever I'm supposed to be believing in. And whether how much I want it, or what I think I want, really has any bearing on anything. I guess I'm realizing right this minute that I'm back to a struggle I throught I'd conquered YEARS ago, which making peace and understanding my concept of the balance between 'free-will' and 'predestination'. I don't want to have that struggle in my soul again...uh boy. I am well aware that I'm babbling at this point; it often happens when I try to verballize a big internal struggle. *shrug* Sorry.

Right this second, I wish I knew what to say to give you a little peace. And me too.

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And, I shall sum it all up with this:





Don't ask me, I have no idea.

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Steph~ Your trashcat blinkie cracks me up. I love kitties so I think it's really cute.

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Steph - I love LOLcats!!

Lauren - I'm at a loss for words. Snowie brings up a good point, though. With everything that you have had dealt to you, you're still considering yourself lucky.... that's pretty strong - and true! {{HUGS}}

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Ai haz chzbrgr? LOL!

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