Jen~ Are you doing all your injects in your arm? Did your RE suggest that?

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Hi Lauren - No, I've been doing them in my stomach, but they said arm, stomach, thigh & hip are fine.
I am saving the hips for gonal F.

AM- Thanks for the blinkies! I'll add them tonight!

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ok- Its been a weird day. Good news is that all blood tests for DH & I came back great. Weird news - pap came back with abnormal cells. I spent most of the day researching online & kind of freaking out since all my previous tests have been normal. I finally decided to call my nurse to discuss it. She was so great! She said this is not uncommon & nothing I need to worry about. We just check again in 4 months & in most cases it will be back to normal. And most importantly, nothing that will affect this IVF cycle. She gave me all the "honeys" and "sweeties" a mom would and made me feel so much better. Whew! I feel alot better & am even more confident in the clinic I am working with. OK, back to work!

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Jen - When I first got pg, my pap came back as abnormal. But just like your nurse said, they repeated it, and it came back fine. I think that's pretty common.

Thanks Meredith. That makes me feel even better. I am so trying not to stress about things, but I just want everything to work out perfectly (its the control-freak in me).

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2/12 - I did my shot this AM! It was still mentally difficult, but I made myself do it.

I woke up really crampy and bloated. & then AF came. I didn't know that was going to happen, the nurse didn't mention it to me. Does this mean today is Day 1? I guess that would make sense - I would start stims on Day 5 (Sat) and the retrieval is day 14-20? I am guessing here, but that seems logical. I'm sure they will tell me when they need to.

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Jen~ I always found that the shots in the lower part of my belly were the easiest to do. I hardly ever felt them there. The arm was one of the most painful for me, although it wasnt too bad. I guess you just get used to it.

Yes, af means cd 1. You can look back at my charts from my July, September, and November IVF cycles to see how I was scheduled. Hopefully you will respond well to stims, and wont need all the push that I did.

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Jen-Sending you lots of baby dust and hope things continue to go well. A friend of mine several years ago had the same thing on a pap. She did the repeat and everything was fine for her too. Seems to be common and nothing to stress yourself over.

As for the shots I did the Gonal-F and trigger shot. I did them in my thighs as it seemed an easy place if I was giving them to myself. I had the mental block a couple of times you're talking about, and ended up giving my self a huge bruise because I didn't pinch the skin right and freaked. Weird how that hapens after already doing it for a few days. Hopefully you'll get past it!

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I give you girls tons of credit for being able to give yourself shots. I don't have a problem wiht needles, but I just don't know that I'd be able to stick one in myself.

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http://rchiprean.abmp.com/index.html

Lauren - I am sticking with the belly for now. That will change this weekend!

Heidi - Thanks! I am feeling better about the pap & not going to let it worry me.

2/13 - Day 9 of Lupron. Had blood test & sono today. Uneventful. The Dr. called this afternoon & everything looks good so far. I start stims on Saturday.
Sat, Sun, Mon -
Lupron - decrease to 5 units (1x/day)
Gonal-F - 187.5 units (1x/day)
Metapur - 75 units (1x/day)

I go back for another blood test & sono on Tues.

I had another accupunture treatment today. It wasn't as relaxing as last week because my mind wouldn't stop racing, but I do think it helped. I made 2 appts for next week.

DH finally gets to join in the fun on Sat too when he starts doxycyclene.

Things are progressing!

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Jen - I wish you loads of luck! Thanks for sharing your experience with us!

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Loads of babydust to you!! I agree with Lauren on shots in the stomach-- you feel it a lot more in your arm. And Gonal-F is a breeze. Do that about an inch from your belly button (side or below), and you seriously won't even feel it.. the needle is the skinniest thing ever. (I hated Lupron b/c it always burned when I injected, but Gonal-F was no big deal at all.)

Yay for a new cycle... now things will really seem to move quickly!

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Karyn - Thanks!!

Sarah - They are getting easier. I just have to do it real quick & not think at all. I am hoping I end up as lucky as you!

The Dr's office called today. Is it weird I get nervous everytime they call? They decided they will do ICSI after the retrieval on half my eggs. I didn't think they would decide that this early, but they said since we have never had a fertilization, they would prefer to do it. I guess its not a huge deal. I am going to continue to focus on growing lots of follies so it is possible.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!!

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It's been an eventful weekend. I am pretty much emotionally drained.

Yesterday I started the stims. I was super nervous about the Menopur, since I had never mixed meds before. DH & I had watched a video online about how to do it, but my dose was different. I think we did it right. The Gonal F was easier b/c I've done it before, but then I didn't remember seeing the plunger move, so I was afriad I did it wrong. It was 7AM, so the sleeppiness didn't help. Today went much more smoothly. The good news, no pain! The Menopur takes forever to go in & I can feel it, but it doesn't actually hurt.

I feel horrible about saying this, but yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life. My younger brother called & told me that he & my sister-in-law are preganant. They had just told both sets of parents & wanted to let us know. I was completely blind-sided. SHe is still in nursing school & I didn't even know they were trying. I so wanted to be happy for them, but I just went numb. I know its silly, but I wanted to give my parents the first grandchild. My brother & S-I-L are well aware of our situation & we have had numerous conversations about it. She is an RN & came over to give me shots when I started injectables. When he called, he just kept going on & on about the onesies they gave the parents & blah, blah, blah. Not one word of compassion. Maybe I expcted too much. I was with a girlfriend at the time and she said I faked it well while we were on the phone. I didn't let him know how devasting it was to hear it.

So, I called DH and lost it. Then I went & had too much queso & chips with my friend. Then I went home & spent the rest of the day in bed crying. My mom called & left me a vmail, like everything was completely normal. I couldn't bear to talk about it yet. My dad left me a message that was so sweet. He said he hopes I am ok & that my time will come. I am kind of shocked that he understood so well and my mom didn't. I still haven't talked to them.

So today is a new day, and although it still hurts, I have to change my mindset. IVF is going to work. And my S-I-L and I are going to be pg together. When I get pg this month, we will only be about a month apart. She is only 4 weeks, so they had to just find out this week. And, if I have twins, there is still a chance for the first grandchild (even thought I know its silly). So, our time will come and it it right around the corner. Ok, thats my pep talk for myself today. I have to keep repeating it to believe it.

UPDATE: I finally called my mom this afternoon. I was afraid she wouldn't understand how I was feeling, but she completely did. She said she was just as surprised to find out. She did ask them to give us a few weeks before telling us b/c of everything we have going on & they chose not to listen. I really appreciate her thinking of saying something, even if they ignored it. I feel so much better after talking to her. I think I can really focus on the positive now. I am going to sleep better tonight.

Thanks for all your support!

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Oh Jen, I'm so sorry! I wish your brother would have been more sensitive to you and your feelings. Don't feel silly about wanting to have the first grandchild. It is understandable. Even being preganant now I sometimes feel like I am "behind" in a strange sense when I talk to other preg. women due before me. I have to tell myself that I can't change it so relax. I'm glad you talked to your mother and you sound very positive for this IVF cycle. You know that all of us here on CT are praying for you!! Super BIG (((HUGS)))!!! Focus on taking care of yourself!! This will work!

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Dana

Dana - Thanks so much for the support. I am totally blocking it out & I won't let myself think about it. & your right - this IVF cycle will work!!

I just found links to share about being a good IVF patient and how to make the most of your relationship with your IVF Dr:
IVF Clinic, In Vitro Fertilisation, IVF Treatment
IVF Doctor Patient Relationship : Having the best IVF Treatment

I have been slacking at work all AM, googling IVF cycle #1 success stories. Keep with the positive vibes!

Shots went OK this AM - I let DH sleep in this AM & I was ok on my own. The Menopur kind of burned this AM. I think I might need to try the left side tomorrow. Looking forward to my sono tomorrow AM - hoping for lots of little guys on both sides!

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Jen-Sorry for the insensative brother. That was very nice of your mother to try and talk to him though. Unfoturnately people will do what they want. Sounds like you handled it great. And like you said you'll be pg with her and hopefully your little one will come first. HA HA. G/L with the continuing of stims. Hope it goes well. I should be starting my Gonal F tonight so we can be shot buddies!

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