Rebecca-that is a lot of information to process, but it all sounds hopeful

Rebecca - At my last appt with the new RE, I got told the same story, everything I had done was pretty much a waste, anything else I wanted to do was also. IVF was the only logical option. And she sent me home with a folder and a schedule and I thought I was going to vomit on the way home. What held us back was the money issue and Carlos' opposition to all the drugs. If I didn't have Jonathan, I wouldn't let money be an issue and I would sell my kidney for the experience of carrying a child. If your MIL is completely on board that is a gift in itself. You need to decide emotionally if you can handle another IUI or if you want to put that energy into a IVF (where it's probably more needed) Don't feel pressured to make a decision right now, but really take it in. We are all here. =)

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Bina and Christie - Thank you so much for your support.

Sarah - Thanks. Yes, it does help a little bit and everything you said made perfect sense.

Betsy - Yea, isn't that a slap in the face. As if we need another. It's not bad enough that we're 'unexplained' and they have absolutely no idea why I'm not getting pg but to top it off by telling me that doing more of what we did is a waste. Ouch. Slap me again. Dh and I talked a bit more about it last night. He has a better understanding of how it works - though I didn't tell him about the IM injections that he'd have to do. MIL asked Dr Albert about the retrieval process and dh seemed okay with that too. I'm not crazy about the protocol - supressing your system and making your body think you're in menopause.... Like Sarah said - a lot of science is involved there. Bottom line is, if we want it badly enough, why should those things stop us? We've agreed that, while still on the fence, we're leaning toward going for it.

I will see Sydnie at school tonight and talk to her about acupuncture. Obviously, we won't be doing anything this month (I'm not wasting my time, money and emotional state for clomid/iui), so I think I will schedule with Sydnie to get my Yin built back up. I'm also vowing to do my yoga, meditation and finally "kick butt". If we're going to spend MIL's $10k, I don't want that to be a waste, too.

I'm pretty foul today. Just feeling broken all over again.

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Rebecca- {hugs}

Rebecca- Each step is difficult and allow your self the time to feel disillusioned with everything. However you have a direction, and it allows you to have hope. And that is a beautiful thing. I think getting the battleground ready is a great plan for this month. You will love love love yourself for it. I know it's hard, everytime I think I'm ready to take down my bitter infertile blinkies, something happens to remind me that I'm not quite "over it".

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You know, I was just thinking, I know how much you hate putting things into your body and messing with your system. So I'm sure the idea of the injections is really against your thinking.
But, you are doing a really good job of caring for your body overall. A few weeks of injections can probably be counteracted by other ways you care for yourself.
I'll be honest, the stuff is nasty. You hated Clomid, so I'm guessing your body will really be uncomfortable w/ all the synthetic stuff you have to put in. But if it's only for a few weeks, you can probably find a way to "flush" it from your system (or whatever) once you are done.

It is a big decision, so just remember to go with whatever your heart feels is right.

Rebecca - on the one hand, that really sucks... on the other at least your MIL is willing to help out and it sounds like you are opening your mind to the possibility of IVF. I am so hopeful that you will have your baby when all is said and done.

It really bothers me to hear things like this because when I go in to the doctor they're like whats the big deal you're young... then here you are less than 2 yrs older than me and they tell you you've been wasting your time!!

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Betsy - 'Preparing the battleground'.... interesting way of putting it. But yes, I do have somewhat of a direction and yes, still *some* hope.

Sarah - Yes, I've thought about that, too. It doesn't take much to do a cleanse and what ever might be left in there blocking my liver, I can get out. I won't be any worse off than I was three years ago before I realized all of the damage that those things can do. There's a price to pay for everything, right?

Irene - I wouldn't consider the clomid cycles a complete waste, though. I did learn from them - that I do in fact respond well to the stimulation (which is a battle in itself for some) and that there's something more in my body that isn't allowing it to happen for me. That doesn't mean that it won't happen for you. All in all, I'm glad we did the clomid. I just won't waste my emotions on it again.

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Rebecca – Plus you make the best decision you have with the information you have at the time. With me everyone said MFI was an easy fix with IUI. So even though 3 drs told me with his count it wouldn’t work, when dr# 4 said that he’s seen it work with lower counts, (Plus I knew of people who that was true) I decided it was a gamble I was willing to take. Now to look back and know the first few drs were right is a hard pill to swallow. Looking back at my TTC career I believe if I had to do it all over again, the only thing I would do different is I would do double IUI’s each time and I would have started Carlos on the acupuncture earlier. But I still would have chose to do the IUI’s.

As far as the meds, I think once you quit smoking it will counterbalance any of the bad effects of the meds.

As far as the age thing, it irks me when drs use the age thing of determining what your fertility is. I know women in their’s 20’s who have hardboiled eggs and women in their 40’s who have gotten pregnant with no assistance. Each individual’s reproductive organs are different.

Wasn’t it Jo who used to use the battleground analogy? Someone used to talk about the ammunition and getting the soldiers in line? Was it Steph? I can’t remember now.

Rebecca I think once this initial shock is over I think it’s very very exciting…BTW you should do a ticker for your graduation! Isn’t that coming up in the next few weeks?

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Rac -

I remember hearing those words from my RE. I remember one part of me being really happy because he was saying that he thought ivf was the answer, but on the other hand ivf was the only answer. Difficult words to hear.

Take time to think about it, and process everything. But the answer will come to you!!

You are in my thoughts and prayers!!!

kristen

Rebecca - Since I haven't been through IUI or IVF, I really don't have advice for you, but I am here and behind you 200% whatever you decide! I'm glad you are being more open to it and love the idea of you taking this month off to get your Yin back up, etc. I think you would do fine and you have a great support system here! Especially with Lauren, Sarah and some of the other girls who have done IVF. I think when you are holding your little one and look back to this thread, you will be glad you went for it.

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I called my nurse and asked her about the saline ultrasound. It could be coded as a diagnostic test and covered by my insurance. If there is a polyp or something in there, that could possibly be the reason that things aren't working. I want to make sure that IVF is the absolute last possibility. Dee told me that the saline u/s is part of the protocol for an ivf cycle (they do it in conjunction with the mock transfer). I didn't think it would be covered by insurance that way since it would be part of a treatment cycle. She is going to talk to Dr. Albert and check into things and get back to me. She said as long as I don't mind doing it twice, she doesn't see any reason why I can't do it. Plus, if there is something in there, I could get that taken care of and try clomid again. Then, if nothing, move on to ivf. I just want to make sure that all of my bases are covered - for my own peace of mind.

Betsy - I think the initial shock is gone. I really wasn't surprised that this may be our only chance. I just didn't want it to have to come to this, you know?? I mean, with my family's history - most of my cousins and my sister all have several kids. Just never thought it would be me.

Kristen and Karyn.... thanks!

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Rebecca~I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you. I was reading a lot of the conversation on here, and it's very familiar with what I've been feeling and going through lately. I agree 100% about covering all of your bases, for your own piece of mind. {{{hugs}}}

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Rebecca-As you know I'm a big advocate of the saline u/s. I agree it is a good start to ensure there isn't anything prohibiting. I too had normal u/s and HSG but with the saline they detected the polyp. Definitely worth it because it was so simple to get the u/s done.

Secondly, I know how you struggle with these things. DH and I were all over the map at times. A year ago we met with the RE and also an adoption agency. As I moved onto other things with the RE and had set backs I too began contemplating IVF and never thought we'd even consider it. Hell I said no way was I doing any surgeries to get pg and obviously I changed my mind. I think struggling with "unexplained" leads us in many different directions and the ultimate question is how far are you willing to go and when can you be satisfied you did enough.

It really sounds like you are in good hands. Take the time needed and I think you and DH will make the decision that's best for you.

Rebecca- I have everything crossed for you and know that whatever you and DH decide to move forward with is the right thing for you both. *hugs*

Rebecca, hugs