This was in Redbook...
REALLY funny!

The Infertile's Desk Reference - Redbook

The Infertile's Desk Reference

An incomplete list of fertility drugs, their uses, and potential pitfalls:

Clomiphene citrate (Clomid): This is generally the first line of treatment for patients with anovulation or unexplained infertility. Taken in pill form for several days during a cycle to stimulate follicle development in anovulatory women, or to promote the development of multiple follicles. Used in conjunction with intercourse, timed intercourse, or IUI to optimize chance of conception. Side effects may include hot flashes, nausea, irritability, headaches, thick cervical mucus, and unusually vivid fantasies of barricading your spouse, whose innocent chewing sounds at dinner suddenly inspire you to mayhem, behind a thick wall of bricks, muttering something under your breath about a cask of Amontillado.

Leuprolide acetate (Lupron): Injectable drug used in treatment of endometriosis, prostate cancer, and infertility. In ART cycles, Lupron is used to suppress the patient's ovaries, shutting down the body's natural hormone production. The injections begin before ovarian stimulation and continue until just before egg retrieval. Side effects include hot flashes, nausea, irritability, headaches, mood swings, changes in sexual desire, and a vaginal dryness so pronounced you make little sandpapery sounds when you walk. (Helpful tip: Wear corduroy pants to mask the noise. And squeaky shoes. And perhaps a string of sleigh bells.)

Ganirelix acetate (Antagon) and cetrorelix acetate (Cetrotide): Injectable drug given after the start of stimulation to prevent ovulation and continued until just before egg retrieval. Side effects include hot flashes, nausea, irritability, headaches, mood swings, changes in sexual desire, and the consuming urge to cruise around town looking for some pleasant little old ladies to run over…acting like they own the crosswalk like that…that "Yield to Pedestrians" sign isn't the boss of me…oh, you think you need that cane now?

Gonadotropins (Menopur, Repronex, Bravelle, Follisim, Gonal-F): Injectable drugs used to stimulate the recruitment and growth of multiple follicles during an ART cycle. These drugs are either pure FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) or a mixture of FSH and LH (luteinizing hormone) and are given for 7-13 days before an hCG trigger. Side effects may include abdominal tenderness, bloating, fluid retention, weight gain, mood swings, ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS), and, if you are unfortunate enough to be cycling near the end of November, being mistaken for one of the giant clumsy balloons used in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. (You haven't truly lived until parade officials have run away from you as you lumber carefully down Broadway, waving their arms and screaming into the crowd, "That one's broken its tether! Run for cover! Saaaave yoursellllves!")

hCG (human chorionic gonadotropin, Novarel, Ovidrel, Pregnyl): A drug given as an intramuscular injection during an ART cycle to cause maturation of eggs and rupture of follicles. Because ovulation occurs at a predictable interval after the administration of hCG, precise timing of the injection is crucial. Side effects may include headache, irritability, restlessness, depression, fatigue, fluid retention, pain at the injection site, breast tenderness or swelling, OHSS, and divorce when you learn your partner has a) failed to draw up every last atom of medication into the syringe; b) inserted the needle a single angstrom off the center of your upper outer quadrant; or c) stabbed you in the sciatic nerve on purpose, just 'cause you've been such a miserable bitch lately.

Progesterone: Given orally, as an oil-based intramuscular injection, or as a vaginal, gel, capsules or suppositories. This supplementation is necessary in an IVF cycle because suppression and egg retrieval rob the body of its natural ability to produce progesterone, which prepares the endometrium for implantation. Side effects may include nausea, vomiting, bloating, breast tenderness, fatigue, irritability, frequent urination, vaginal discharge, and the giddy certainty that you are pregnant, pregnant at last! And then — be sure to read the fine print on the package insert, ladies — a calamitous descent into blackest depression when you learn that, nope, it was just the progesterone.

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Whoever wrote that has DEFINITELY been through the ringer! That's pretty funny.

Juan told me last night that his boss's wife also had four miscarriages and then they took her to see a doctor here in Richmond and she now has three beautiful little ones. If I'm unhappy with my RE, he's going to find out who they went to. Does anyone remember when my appointment is? I was so angry that day that I can't even remember if it was the 30th or the 31st.

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Super funny!

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