Thanks ladies for clearing up why their might be a stigma, I just didnt get it. I guess I am a little arrogent in my thinking that if I thought it was okay everyone else should too.

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There are some AMAZING posts in this ff thread that explain some of the feelings, etc associated with DE http://www.fertilityfriend.com/Circl....php?t=1454897

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I've had times of dealing with some of these thoughts in the past 6-8 months (DS), albeit for different reasons. My own first reaction when I first thought the thought for myself last year was one of almost disgust. Granted, I'm such a mess emotionally, and the proud owner of an oatmeal-mush-brain at this point, but everytime someone tells me about how 'young' I am and how I could move on, etc (oh, yeah, like that's just the main goal and so easy and desirable at this point), but this thought has circled around multiple times. At this point, I don't know what's going to happen in my life, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to trust (uh, nothing?), and what I am/would be willing to accept or how much groveling it would require from my not-so-D-H, for life to somehow, someway get back on track. BUT, I had the first moment of what felt like clarity about it a few days ago. And I thought, screw it, if I don't feel like things are in a progressive pattern, if I don't feel more hope by such-and-such date, I'm going to do IUIs w/DS. NOW, that brings up another thought for me. My preference at this point, trying to think through the emotions of the future in that situation, would be for HIM to be the donor. But there's no telling if we got that far that he'd be willing. He is my H. And the only one I ever intend to have. At least there would be something pure and wonderful to have come out of it, not matter how he/she/they arrived. A lot of thoughts about the blending of the genetics, dreams like that, the DNA, even without the whole 'family'. But he might not be willing, then that's a whole other train to get on, the real DS thing. I haven't thought about it too much; not there yet in my head or heart. I did have a few minutes of clear-headedness the other night; many, many kids end up in single parent households anyway, and my Disney 'happily-ever-after' is already broken. No matter what. But if there's anyone in the world prepared and capable of being a fantastic single mother, it's me. And it's just not a dream, or a RIGHT really, to participate in the circle of life, that I am willing to give up. I may have to give up happily-ever-after with a mommy-daddy-and-kids family, but I still have a right to a family of my own. And if he's not part of it, I can't control that. Don't even know if I want it at this point (okay, I know deep in my heart of hearts, I do, though I don't know HOW in GODS NAME we could recover at this point, but I'm a fight-to-the-death kinda girl, and I've never known perfect happiness, so why start now?).

Anyway, I don't have any realy clarity about any of it, but it's in my head. And may very well be my reality before too long. I decided that Januray 1st next year, if things haven't done some serious recovering, this IUI train leaves the station. One way or the other.

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Lauren~ Any new news on the DE situation? I've been thinking of you. I personally think DE is a miracle. I don't know how anyone can look at it any other way. I'm here for you, and I'm thinking of you. (((hugs)))

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Lauren,

I agree with what Betsy said. People who don't know your situation may find it easy to judge but we have all walked right beside you through your journey so we understand everything you have been through and how you have reached this particular spot. When you say you won't tell people irl does that include everyone? I only ask because it only takes one person to let it slip one day that you got pregnant with a donor egg and the child would think his/her entire life was based on a lie. Just a thought.

Did you go for a second opinion? Do you know anyone that would be a donor for you? {{{Hugs}}} I can't even imagine how hard this has been for you.

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Jenna~ No new news now. Thanks for asking!

Kristy~ To be honest, it makes me a bit nervous talking about this so much on this site, because you are the only ones who know anything about this. I sometimes wonder if I need to stop posting about it, because you girls know so much! My mom is the ONLY person we plan to tell. She has helped us so much financially, and we felt like we could not get around not telling her. She understands how important it is to us that no one know, and she agrees that is best. NONE of my friends, or the rest of my family, know that we are considering this as an option.

I have had a couple of people offer to be a donor for us. Just in conversation after the last failed ivf, I had a friend of mine had offerred, but at the time I said that we were not going to do DE. We know that if we used her other people would have to know the situation. I also think there could be complications with a friend being the donor and seeing the child on a regular basis. I have had someone else offer, and DH and I are considering it... It isnt someone we see, and is someone who is very generous just to offer such a gift to us... Kind of complicated to explain... I'll just leave it at that.

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Lauren- I can see how the gift would be hard to accept, but yet tempting bc you know the person and would feel safe. Good luck making your decision.

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Lauren, always know this is a safe place for you to vent

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Lauren~ I agree, I believe this is a safe place to vent and share. But I can see your point about not wanting anyone else irl to know. I'm just glad that you have this option available to you. (((hugs)))

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Thanks so much girls!

DH and I have decided that we definitely won't tell anyone (including a child) that we're doing this. Maybe down the road, if we feel it is necessary, we will, but we are going into this without a plan to tell. Therefore, after talking with the nurse today at our iui, she said we need a donor with a bloodtype that matches ours... which means we need a donor with bloodtype O. It can be negative or positive, but needs to be O. Whew... there is so much to think about.

I mentioned this in the IF thread already, but the nurse also told us today that if we choose to use an anonymous donor, they have someone who they think is a good match for us! SHOCK. It's just happening so fast. There is so much to think about. Apparently, she is undergoing genetic testing right now, and if all comes out good, they will send us her profile. We can choose to take her, or keep looking...

Oh my... Is this really my life?

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Lauren - Wow this is happening fast. I hope you both can find something that works for you.

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Lauren - that's awesome news!!! I think you are making a wonderful choice!

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OMG I cannot believe how fast this is happening...

The RE's office just called. The girl passed all of her screening. They gave me basic info, but said they would send me more in writing. When we get it in writing we get to decide if we want to go with her, or not.

First let me say this is really wierd. I feel like I am on a datings ervice, choosing a date...

This is what I know about her:
~ 5'8"- I am 5'6"
~ 140 lbs- I am NOT 140lbs, but I guess it would be nice to have a child with skinny genes
~blonde hair, blue eyes (We requested this because I have always had blonde hair, until a few years ago, and everyone in our families have light colored eyes, blue or green)
~ College degree and works as a social worker (I am a counselor)
~ Married with 2 kids of her own. She has had family members unable to get pregnant, and feels blessed to have her 2 kids, so she wants to help someone else make their family complete
~ Polish decent
~ No health issues for her, her parents, or grandparents- Great grandfather had prostate cancer
~ Enjoys music, dancing, singing, tennis, & baseball
~ She is 33 with low fsh- Never donated before, but had no trouble getting pregnant with her kids.

Goodness. So strange. I guess I will wait to see what else I can learn about her in the profile.

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Wow Lauren, it is happening fast! Sounds like she has many great qualities!

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Wow. My head is spinning. Are you ready for all this, kiddo? Can that question even be answered?

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WOW, things are happening so fast! It sounds like there are a number of similarities! I can't wait to find out what you decide to do!

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