I know there are a couple of older m/c threads out there but I thought we need to have one in this section.

Everyone on all areas of the board is so supportive when it comes to m/c but I thought it would be nice to have a dedicated thread where you can come and vent when you are having a bad day, share your story, concerns and fears about TTC and being PG again etc.

I can't speak for everyone, but I would prefer to keep the "I'm sorry" posts to a minimum.

Edit: I will share my updates in a new post

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Bina - I think this is a wonderful idea. I also edited your original post to make it a sticky. That way, we won't lose it.

I also agree completely with keeping the 'I'm sorries' to a minimum.

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It has been 4 weeks ago today that I had the m/c and D&C. It is amazing how the passing of time really does help heal. I am definitely at the point now of looking toward TTC and getting PG again, rather than looking back. It has also helped so much to talk to people, even though I am more of a listener than a talker. I was also shocked at the number of "miscarriage stories" I heard. I am not exaggerating when I say that pretty much everyone I talked to, including my own mother, had either suffered a m/c (some multiple) themselves or knew friends and family that had. All those women had gone on to have healthy babies. I feel a little guilty about it, but I felt better each time I heard about someone else's m/c, because it gave me hope that you can go on to have a healthy PG the next time and that they are so "common."

I had also always been sympathetic to those that had been through a m/c, but now I know I really had no idea the impact it has and how it changes who you are are as a person. Since I am a counselor I have also been looking at this from that perspective which has been interesting, because it is definitely a unique kind of grief that is not fully understood by society.

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Bina, yes unfortunately it is very common. I agree that you don't understand how great the loss is unless you have experienced it yourself. From the moment you first realize you are pregnant, you begin to dream about a boy or a girl, them growing up, going to school, getting married and then suddenly and without warning that dream gets shattered. It completely changes who you are and takes away the naivity that being pregnant does not always mean you take home a baby. I am glad you are healing and it will get easier as time passes. I look at Jack, who I am so completely in love with, and am almost thankful for my m/c because without it, I wouldn't have gotten Jack, and I cannot imagine my life without him.

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So do you ladies have bitter feelings towards other women who are pregnant or have babies, I mean more like a jealous bitter not a hateful bitter? I have had two m/c's I have been pregnant twice and I have nothing to show for it besides a very bruised heart. i just want babies I really didnt think that it was alot to ask for?? alright im done now.

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Allison~

I know EXACTLY what you mean. I have 4 miscarriages under my belt, 3 within the last year. My best friend is pregnant, and while I'm THRILLED for her, I can't help but feel like I'm going to lose my mind about it. She had her 1st sono the other day, and I just wanted to scream and cry.......and when I got home, I did. It didn't help much, but I had to get it out.

It's a hard thing to look around and see all these women who have the one thing you want most in the whole world......and I'm tired of people telling me it will happen when it's right, and to just relax and to not worry because I'm still young......NONE of that helps.

So, yes, to answer your question, I do have those feelings, so you are not alone.

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Oh, i'm not shy, I won't sugar coat it, sometimes it IS hateful bitterness. I actually spent a long time where I would be confronted with one in the grocery store or something like that and the words that would shoot through my head were immediately 'I hate you'. Literally. Only for strangers though. It's always been different with people I know (fortunately until recently there weren't many of those). That was my knee-jerk stranger reaction for really...maybe about a year.

I won't tell you that it will just 'get all better', and no, time alone does not heal all wounds, but it WILL shift at some point. Some people attain that shift early on, some people it takes a lot longer. I'm sure experiences have something to do with it -- opportunities to work through the different parts. Just know that your own pace is okay. It took me about two years from my first m/c to really grieve for both babies. It's still a hole in my soul, but it's not where I live anymore. It's not the dark place I retreat into when I feel any negative emotion in order to drown it all in sadness about the babies.

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Allison-I think those feelings of jealousy/bitterness are totally normal.

I am probably a little different because I didn't have any of my m/c until after my first child, so I always feel blessed in that way. But I admit that do feel envious of the friends I have who got their BFP the first month of trying (or not even trying), told everyone right away, and had a healthy PG. I guess I envy that naivete that I will never have again.

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I do agree that the naivety about being pregnant is stripped from you. I wasn't able to enjoy my pg that went full term until the 3rd trimester. It makes me frustrated when people take it for granted that they've only had great pg.

I know after my mc, I had to take a break from all things baby-related-kind of like into a turtle shell. Talking with dh who felt just as much pain as I did helped quite a bit, and we worked through it together which was way less lonely feeling.

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I am still quite angry and bitter at times. Yesterday was a very emotional day for me and I called my sister. Crying, of course, I told her how I wasn't a good sister to her because it's too hard for me most days. See, she is currently pg with her 6th baby. This is the second since I had my m/c. Luckily, she was very understanding and supportive and I do feel better having said everything, but it doesn't change things. Hopefully, I will get pg or at least be able to deal with things better. Lately, it's been really rough, though.

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I know that my due date will be a very very difficult day for us hopefully Im pg again before the day comes so there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. . . On another note did any of you ladies look into why you were m/c my Dr. gave me the option but we decided to try one more time.

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Allison-how far along were you when you had the m/c? I think that makes a difference in whether to get testing. I am not getting any further testing right now, because I have had a healthy PG and baby before so theoretically I should be able to do so again. I also know that I have implantation issues so take progesterone to help with that.

I am curious as to why you declined testing? I think some of them are simple blood tests so are not invasive.

I was 10 weeks along with the 2nd one and the first one were not sure how far along we were. we declined because we knew that we wanted to try again and I didnt want to be worried about what the testing would say. so now we are trying for our "third times a charm" and if it doesnt go smoothly then we will look into what happened.

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Allison-I was almost 10 weeks along too, but the baby stopped growing at 8w 5d. It sucks when you think you are close to being in the second trimester and think you are "safe"
From all the research I've been doing, the chances are really very high to have a healthy PG, even after several m/c. I've personally known women who have had many m/c and gone on to heave healthy babies.

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How do you know when the baby stopped growing?? I was wondering if I really was 10 weeks along but they waited so long to do the D&C that they wouldnt have been able to tell me.

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Allison-When I started spotting I went in for a sono and that is when they told me I would m/c because they could see no heartbeat and that the baby was only measuring 8w 5d, when it should be have been 9w 5d. What happened in your case, if you don't mind me asking?

Rac-I forgot to respond to your post earlier. That must be rough with your sister not just having one but SIX kids. I now think back to when I was PG with Avery and my sister was PG with my nephew (we were only 2 weeks apart) and am just so so thankful that both of those PG's resulted in healthy babies, because I can't even imagine how awful it would be if one of us had to watch a nephew/niece growing up and know that we ourselves should also have a child that age.

On superbowl sunday I spotted just once not a whole lot of blood but enough for me to notice we called the nurse line and they said that since there was no crammping or pain that it was probably nothing but if I started to spot again then I should go in we waited out the day I laid on the couch and tried my damndest not to move the next morning we went into the ER just to make sure that everything was ok. there wasnt any more blood or cramping or anything I felt fine. The ER doc made me feel fine he said that since there wasnt any other symptoms I should be fine so I felt so relieved I asked for an ultrasound just to make sure. . . the Ultra sound tec was doing her thing and I asked if we could please hear the heartbeat she said that her machine didnt do that oh I said well then can we see the baby and she asked how far along we were and if we were sure that we were pregnant. . . I knew that was bad news. so we waited for the doc to come in and tell us what was going on I had never had an u/s before so I really wasnt sure but I had a bad feeling. the doc said she couldnt find the baby and that I should start crammping and bleeding soon. well I would spot here and there but not I had my blood drawn once a week to see if the pg hormone was gone and it never was so in June they did another u/s (which I could hear my blood in my ovaries so the other u/s tec lied) but they saw leftover tissue so the did the D&C it was the longest 4 months of my life.
wow I think I just wrote a mini book...sorry.

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