Well ladies... This is going to be short bc DH is home and well... you know what that means I just wanted you girlies to know that I am thinking of you's... Hope everyone has a great Friday. I'm working a dbl, so i'll be able to catch up and post more!!! Have a great night!!!

Lindy ~ I have actually have all my stats on my FF website. Since I don't get O pain there is no way for me to know which side I O on, but if I had a more proactive doctor they could monitor me for that with an u/s.

Mary ~ RE is reproductive endocrinologist and KWIM is know what I mean?

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I told all of you that I would be honest and hold myself accountable. DH and I got into the biggest fight tonight. I am not so sure what to do . I was doing so good on my diet. I haven't cheated at all until now. I feel like a failure. I knew my horrible luck comes in 3 and tonight was #3! I haven't told anyone what is going on and I don't know what to do. I hope all of you aren't upset. I am an emotional eater. I know it, but freakin crap I can't take much more or I feel like I will explode. I can't sleep bc of all of this. If any of you pray, please pray for me, and DH to work through this! Thanks!

I know I can tell you guys anything, I am just so sad. I feel like a failure as a wife. I don't know what else to do. Now I am questioning if TTC is a good idea. I wonder if our marriage is strong enough or if we should have even gotten married. I haven't been married long and it is my only marriage any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you all for everything.

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Lindy
"Let's kick some fat butt!"

Don't worry about cheating a little, we all do! And I know speaking for me and my DH, that we get into fights sometimes, where I asked myself the same question, will we make it? And here we are trying to have a child! But then once you sit back and think about the stress that is on you, and it has to be kind of frusterating for them right?

I too am an emotional eater, and when I cheat, I binge. We all go through those times and it's nice to hear that we aren't the only ones!

I only work half a day on Friday, so I'll be chatting later.

Hang in there, and think positive!

I tell all my friends the same thing, when your DH does something nice, or does something without me having to ask, blow job night. For some reason my DH responsed very well to this, and although we've only been married for 10 months. It has been working great! I hope that's not TMI, or affends anyone it's just my honest marriage advice.

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[center]Mary

Melissa - My IL's went on an Alaskan cruise then on that train trip across Canada (we certainly can't afford that) and the pictures were incredible. It would be really cool to see.

Mary - Thanks. I've been around for a while and have taken in a lot of information. Lucky for me, I've been able to reatain much of it!!

And oh my! BJ night!! LOL - you haven't been married long have you?

Lindy - I'm not sure what all is going on in your relationship with dh, but know that a relationship is not a 50/50 deal. It is 100/100 - each side needs to put in 100% and you MUST have communication. Without that, you have nothing. It sounds like the two of you need a good night out on a date and talk. I've been living with dh for 6 years and married for almost 4. Let me tell you, things are NOT the way they used to be. We all change and we're not who we used to be, so I think it's a matter of accepting who we are, who our spouses have become and what that means in regards to marriage. I'm under the impression that you and your dh are on different pages. It may be as simple as having a good heart to heart talk to understand better where you're both coming from and where you both want to be. If you love him and he loves you (which I'm pretty sure you both do), then you can get through this.

Ashley - Hope you had a good night

Claire - That's ridiculous! Only one person in the entire office has access to the SA results?? Um, what happened to a patient file that should be there?? That's stupid.

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Lindy-don't feel like a failure *hugs* we all have our moments, I too am an emotional eater. As for you and Dh, if it was just a regular argument over something minor it is normal to feel like "why I am with him" in the heat of the moment, but then once the argument is over so are those feelings and you realize what a great relationship you have. If it something deeper, then communication is the key. The biggest thing is that you have to tell them what you want/need from them because they don't always "get it". Everything Rac said about relationships changing is so true, we've been together almost 12 years (married almost 9) and we are definitely not the same people were back then. You can always pm me if you want to "talk"

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Well judging by this morning's temp its just a matter of time before AF rears her ugly head. I had a mini meltdown this morning I'm a little concerned because my LP seems to be all over the place and I know thats its not supposed to vary all that much. I'm going to make an appt for CD3 b/w on Monday I guess and also for the HSG maybe next Friday so I can recover over the weekend.

Lindy - Not knowing what your exact situation is I can't really offer too much advice but I'll tell you the same thing I told Claire... when times are stressful its very easy to take things out on the person you love the most. You've been going through alot lately with your health and with TTC. I agree with Rebecca that maybe you need to take some time with DH and just talk about you both want and need. I hope that you find the strength in your relationship to know that even when you argue you'll still make it through together.

Mary - BJ whats a BJ? I thought you only had to do that before you got the ring LOL!

Mel - I've said all along that your NP sucks. How can she oversimplify your issues with spotting/TTC by saying losing weight and relax?!?!

Ashley - hope you and DH had fun

Deanna - I'm glad you're making some progress in getting your results sent to you - its good not to have any abnormals! Hopefully you'll get the full scoop when you go in on the 22nd. KUP!

Claire - ridiculous!!!! I hope they're able to get the results to you somehow.

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Hello everyone. I've had a sucky week, followed by a sucky RE appointment today. I was supposed to be testing twice a day for my lh surge, and got nothing. (We were going to do iui once I got the surge.) My o-pain went away and I've had very little ewcm. The line on the opk was getting lighter too (even though I use digital and the lines aren't supposed to mean anything, but last month they got darker as I got closer to the surge, so I think they do mean something). So last night I had this disaster. I play in a community band in the town I grew up in. So I go to my parents first for supper, then go to rehearsal every week. I brought my opks with and went to test at the appointed time. Well...I put the stick in the reader and I got an error sign. I was like WTH. So I go to the drugstore. Now this is a small town and the drugstore DOESN'T EVEN SELL digital opks. So I decided to go to Walmart in the next town over (10 minutes away) because surely Walmart would have them. NOPE. I was on a deadline here too, because if the opk was +, I would have had to call before 6 pm, otherwise they couldn't do the iui. So I ended up buying a regular opk and I poas'd in the bathroom there. It was negative, so all this was for nothing.
So today I went to the RE to see what's going on. I had two follicles, measuring around 7. I think they need to be over 20 to o, don't they? She didn't think I missed my o because there was no fluid or corpus luteum, but she sent me for a blood test just to see. So, I think my diagnosis of ovarian failure is proving to be true and she had a nurse come and talk to us about donor eggs again. I can't even believe this is happening. I got pregnant a year ago on my own, and now my ovaries are failing? I'm doing surprisingly ok with this, probably because I've let it all out earlier this week. Everyone thought I was crazy and jumping the gun, but I know my body. Thankfully, dh went with me today so he could hear the dr. say it for himself. I don't know what we're going to do. I think we're going to try another medicated cycle, since I did respond last month, and do iui if I respond. Didn't someone say once that little follies one month become the big follies the next? Or was that just speculation or even on another board I read? I think I'm going to start researching adoption and donor eggs so that we're ready to make that decision if/when the time comes. Lauren, I don't know if you read over here, but if you do, I am so thankful that you have that DE thread started. I've been reading it and getting my head wrapped around the stuff you posted. It will help us to make a decision.
So anyway, I'm sorry this is so long and probably doesn't make much sense, and I don't know if anyone is still reading, but it helps me sort things through in my mind to write it all down. I have to decide now if I am going to go back to work or call in sick for the rest of the day as well. I doubt that I will be "mentally" there if I go in, but the distraction might be nice.

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JJ - I don't think you're out of the running yet! There's still a chance that you will O soon. You're right, follies need to be around 18mm to be mature. If you've responded with clomid in the past, why would you not now? That doesn't make sense.

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JJ - I wish I knew more about this, I wish I could understand it more, good news we have rac to help us. But I'm with you, call in, relax, and try to stay positive. But bummer about no digtial opk, do they work better? Sounds like you had a mess of a day.

So I tested again at 8:30pm there's a line there, but not really a surge, but then again I'm a newbie. And I'm slightly going crazy right now, not wanting to miss the O. And I think it was Deanna who was going to take a break because of a wedding in August. Well my story to the T. Since nothing had happened since I quit taking the pill, I thought forget about it for a while, you have two weddings this summer, and you will probably want to drink and have a good time, but that didn't last but one month, I want to be pregnagnt! So after the dr. appt. and she made it sound like all I need to do is do it at the right time. I don't want to miss it! So on to my story. So last night at 8:45 we did the little BD, and after 30 minutes, DH wanted me to come watch the rest of the Royals game, I told him I couldn't and I want to just remain laying down for the rest of the night, to try to keep it all in, (which ofcourse I had already told him) But I got up anyway after about 45 minutes, hung out on the couch for about 10, and then madness, DH "What is this?, you leaked all over me" URRRRR, I told you I didn't want to get up. Makes me so mad. This morning I tested again, faint line def no surge. My temp back to 97.3. Do O happen differnt CD each month? That's probably a stupid question. But then after I tested and after my temp, DH asked me back to bed to BD again, so the freak that I am, used one tube of the seed last night and one this morning! So I guess I should order more.

I have three tubes left, hopefully one Saturday and hopefully Monday too!

Going home now, chat with you all later. Any suggestions comments much appriecated.

And yes BJ's all around! Men are such simple creatures. All I want is some appriecation, wow nice job, your such a great packer, I love this meal you make. DH all he needs is BJ. Whatever works!

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Hello Ladies, Well I posted yet another temp... and again we're on the rise?? I'm def no chart reader, but I thought they were suppose to be going down??? Confused!
Anyway, Mel, I don't get O pains either... and I'm really going to try hard next cycle to chart all info in FF, not just temps. I think i'll start stalking charts for ideas on exactly what to chart. (not as if I could read anything else on them yet ).

Lindy, hang in there. I think that we all binge eat for confort and even bordom. It's no biggie. You'll get thru it. Also, keep positive with DH, you've put too much into now to back out... You'll do fine! You're a stong woman!

Mary... well um... yeah! What Rac and Irene said!

Rac and Irene, we did, I just love him being home with me. Unfortunally i'm at work all day today so won't get to see him but then off the weekend, so that'll be nice. I kinda wish Mom's Day wasn't thing weekend so that we could go do somehting like maybe and overnighter at the Casino or something, but it'll still be nice to have him home!

JJ, I'm def adding you to my prayer list. Hopefully things will work out for you.

Ok, so after checking all my boards this am, I've decided Murcury must be in retrograde or something like that. Everyone is having a rough time!

JJ- {{{hugs}}} I'm glad you are doing ok for now and giving it at least one more cycle. I, too wish I knew more. Me as stubborn as I am would refuse to believe that diagnosis unless they could explain to me the HOW and WHY.....It just seems so sucky to say, "well we don't really know, so we'll say ovarian failure". Unless, of course, they have told you the how and why. Sorry.

Lindy- Hunny, I really wish I could give you some advice, but I need a bit more info on your situation. Rac gave you a fantastic all-purpose answer, though. I second her! Keep us posted.

Mary-Yep, I dole out "BJ points" like when DH did a bunch of my honey-do's w/o being asked. I was like "wow, hunny, you have like a years worth of bj points!" LOL. No worries about the leaking 45 mins later. Nothing was wasted. Whatever is gonna get there is already there by 45min later. Just keep w/ the opks. I think it's too soon to think you missed it. It's probably too soon to tell. You may not know until AF shows again (hopefully she won't, right?)

Irene- oh, {{{hugs}}} I'm so sorry. Blah for minimeltdowns! I'm glad you are making appt's and such. Well, we knew this cycle was going to be a rough one, right? I have no ideas about your LP's.

Mel-So, it kinda sounds like you only have half answers? Like you know what is wrong, but not how to proceed? Hmmm, That sucks.

So, I have a little good news! I was right. DH is just fine-meaning any issues we have TTC are all ME! Bugging the snot out of the RE's office paid off finally and I talked to the tech who did the s/a. Everything is good. Count-82mil, 83% motility, color, clumping, volume all ok. He said the morphology was a little low, but not to worry b/c "everyone in NM is" hmmm, interesting. He says he sees only about 2 "normal" morph a yearWeird, huh?

Totally blown the diet this am. poooo! Screw it. try again tomorrow, right? At least I havn't cheated on the smokes!

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Ashley-Nope, nothing wrong with the temps. Think fever=good! LOL. no, but really, we'd rather see them continue up after O than go down at all. And I'm only calling it O b/c of the +opk. As of now, temps alone aren't very strong for O (no worries, though. You had things really screwing those early temps up) Oh, and BTW I forgot to comment on your last post: I'm so flattered that you think of us when DH comes home and you are about to BD!!!!LOL!!!ROFL!

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Ok, so here is the story. Well I am not going to give the exact details on this portion bc of the nature of the thing that happend. He isn't cheating, thank the Lord for that. I caught him doing something that I thought he wasn't doing. I don't know if it is his age or what but I....................I don't know. I love him but it doesn't feel the same after last night. I know that trust was lost. I told him he needed to call his brother last night and ask him for advice bc his brother has been married 7 years. Long story short he says he is going to quit, but he has said that before. I tell you what I really had a long talk with God last night. Last night DH listened from 9-12:45 without saying much. So anyway, I think if he doesn't change and show improvement we are seeking a counsler bc I don't want a Divorce. I took my vows seriously, and I knew the first year would be the hardest. I am trying to be a better wife and mother. I think the mother part has worked out better than the wife part. Maybe I am just too judgemental. All I have been doing is . I don't cry. I am not a crying person anymore. I really appreciate everyone helping me through this. Ok enough about me I will respond to everyone else now!

Claire- Yay for great sperm! Bummer for leaving the burden on you. I hope this cycle is your sticky cycle!

Ashley- I am going to start stalking your chart. I have been having really high temps this cycle. I am not sure what that means.

Mary- Crap if it is a BJ that DH needs maybe he wouldn't do what he's been doing. I hate BJ's though. I never do that. I guess when I am over being so furious at him I will do that!

JJ- I second having a crappy week. Sorry about the OPK's and the RE appointment. I hope that everything works out for you. Can you not have IVF with your own eggs? Just wondering.

Irene- Oh, I was praying so hard for you to have a french baby! I am so sorry. I hope this next cycle is for you.

Rebecca- You give really great advice. You are so knowledgable. I hope that is a word. I just feel un appreciated by DH. I don't know what will happen. I am trying to deal with everything.

Bina- Well I didn't eat too much, but I did give in to a small bottle of Dr. Pepper.

Ok this turned out to be really long. If anyone wants to chat I would really love the company! I will be on all day.

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Lindy
"Let's kick some fat butt!"

Ashley - One more temp and you'll have a nice strong O on Wednesday. Yes, you want the temps to stay high..... low before O, high after O.

Mary - The digital opks are nice. When you surge, it shows a smiley face, no surge is just an open circle. I actually bought the digitals this month - but they're NOT cheap! However, it is easier than having to determine whether or not the test line is as dark as the result line!

Lindy - It's good that you don't want a divorce and I hope that your dh realizes that what he's doing is not good for your marriage. One day at a time, okay?? and it's okay to cry. Actually, it's very healthy to cry. Oh and for the record, there are times when I go through the unappreciated phase, too.

You girls and the BJ's crack me up. I bought dh a BJ Coupon Book for Christmas several years ago. I don't think he's redeemed one coupon (lucky for me because, yep, that's something that stopped after the ring came!).

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