Mel - I'm really sorry your DH said that to you. As if we as women don't already feel like everything is our fault or responsibility...

I did want to comment on the "your" infertility issue and some of the other things that people responded. I know that the best way to look at infertility is as a "team", but when you are the one who actually has the problem, it never feels like "our" infertility. I can fully attest to that. We may have to tackle the problem as a team, but the infertility still feels very personal. Because when you are the one with the problem, even if it happens to be undiagnosed/unexplained (which in my estimation can be worse!!), all you can think is that if he could find someone else, he could have kids and be happy. Even the fact that Betsy mentioned that she had guiltily considered an affair kind of supports what I'm saying here. I know the struggle is for both, but it's a different struggle when you feel like it's your fault. You can't help but feel you are robbing your spouse of a family.

Sorry to be such a downer. That topic is just always very hard for me because I truly feel like our inability to have a baby is because of MY infertility, and no matter how many times I hear it's a team sport, I will always feel that way. If DH ever threw that in my face, I think it would crush me.

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Mary - Progesterone production is supposed to be at its peak at 7dpo. Although you only had an 8 day lp, we already know that your progesterone probably isn't what it should be, I think you should stick with the 7dpo testing. See what your doctor has to say about it and YES call them for the other results!!

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Emily - I do understand what you're saying... because even though most of my testing and DH's has come back good, there's still a part of me that feels like its my "fault" too. I guess mainly because its our cycles that we have to revolve around, its hard to not feel responsible somehow. But I do know that if DH had a problem its not like I would want to have a baby with anyone else (and I'm sure thats the conclusion Betsy came to even after considering an affair however seriously)... I would hope that DH feels the same about me.

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Irene - Yeah, I know what you're saying. Maybe I'm just too negative, or burnt out to be positive about things anymore, or to say things that sound cheery or supportive (probably why I don't post much anymore). If my DH left me to find someone who could give him a family, I would be devastated beyond repair, but I would understand. Sad to come to that point.

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I want to respond to everyone, but I may only have time for Mel.

Mel, hunny, that type of comment is completely unnaceptable. I'm sorry, but Cap'n needs to pull his head out of his a**. As someone who struggles with weight, this kind of thing completely kills me.

1. Your doctor also needs to pull his head out and Capn needs to understand this. Your weight is not causing you to have a blocked tube and a constant AF. Sorry, nope huh uh. Something else is going on. It's not like you are so large you can't get out of bed. From the pics on your myspace, I'm surprised your doc even mentioned your weight at all.

2. Oh, poor freaking baby. He has to jack off in a cup. BIG DEAL! YOU went through the HSG! Get over it, dude. Men don't have to do HALF the crap we do.

3. To touch on what Emily/Betsy said: He's gonna feel like a real a** if he finds out there is something going on with him. BUT, if he thinks men feel useless when they can't get it up, they don't have a CLUE what it feels like to feel like you can't carry a baby. I mean, that is our most basic purpose, right?

Mel, I really think you and Capn need to have a heart-to-heart hash out over this one and get it all out and behind you. Don't ignore this one, I'm afraid it'll keep coming up. AAAUUGGG, what a jerk-This really made me mad. Tell him Xena is coming to whoop his butt.....gotta get a plane ticket now......

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Emily - I can't even begin to imagine how you feel after trying for several years and only having multiple losses to show for it... especially frustrating is the unexplained tag they've given to you. I know its hard to be optimistic at this point but the truth is that they didn't find anything wrong with you so "you're" not robbing Juan of anything. Its scary how once we start TTC its like our whole identity as a woman becomes tied to it... as Claire says its supposed to be the most basic thing so its easy to feel like a failure. But you have to remember that Juan married you for YOU... its YOU he loves and yeah I'm sure he wanted to start a family with you because of that love but the love doesn't just go away because you as a couple can't conceive - at least not if you don't let it. I know that is much easier for me to say than for you to believe and its probably something that you've heard a million times... I just hope someday you're able to come to that realization yourself.

Claire - amen!!!!

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Oh Irene, I don't think Juan will leave me, and I know that he loves me. He's never indicated that he would ever leave even if it ultimately ends up being just the two of us. It helps me some that he has a child from a previous relationship, so at least he gets to be a dad. Some of it is cultural. Infertility is not as well accepted in Mexico, and I worry that his family is going to think he threw away his life on a woman who couldn't even give him a baby, when there's a woman back there in Mexico who already has. Like he's going to have to defend me and his choice. Luckily they live thousands of miles away!!

I think I just wanted to post that so that some other women who might feel like I do, know they aren't alone. It may be unjustified to feel that way, but it's understandable. And for a husband to use that against you is just awful. What Mel's DH said was so hurtful. Hopefully he was just being thoughtless.

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Emily - I'm glad you and Juan have such a strong relationship. Our inner demons can be our own worst enemy... and you're right that it is especially hurtful if our DH's say something that feeds our own fears. Hopefully Mel will talk to DH and he will realize how incredibly stupid he was.

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Emily- I completely understand.....and I don't have to contend with the cultural aspect (which I also understand). Knowing that there is something wrong with you just plain sucks, especially if it means IF.

Heck, I have issues with the fact that I didn't give birth to DH's first born son.....Which is stupid, what am I in an Arthurian legend?

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Claire - I totally get the first born son thing!! It's sometimes really strange for me to think that my DH created a human life with another woman. It's not the idea that they had sex that bothers me, it's the idea of them making a baby together, and especially because he's so proud of his "tiger". I try not to think about it!

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OMG, me too! I mean, I know DH had sex with other women b4 me. But just thinking about him and satan and his bionic sperm and one night thing that created life. Yeah, it wigs me out. And like you, I try not to think about it......maybe I need to try harder

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Hey there ladies,

I did run last night, but then later I ate 10 peanut butter cups, pretty much defeated the whole purpose of running.

I just talked to the nurse, and no results yet. But I did talk to her about b/w cd 21 or 7dpo, she said she'll put in the request and I can go whenever I/we think would be good. She's worried like me that I won't have a 7th day past O. Which brings me to the bummer part, DH and I go out of town for the 4th of July usually down to Table Rock lake, my sister has a place down there, but my cd21 lands on the 1st of July, and who knows when I'll O. So I guess we will only be staying down there for a weekend, driving back, do the b/w, and then maybe go back down to our place for the 4th. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what this cycle does. And I'll go whenever you guys think I should.

Come on O I know you want to come early and concieve me a baby already! It's really hard for me not to go out and buy some progesterone cream, since I have self diagnosed myself. But I'll be patient and wait for dr orders.

Let's go BOSTON!!!! Paul Pierce, he used to play for KU, I have to root for him!

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[center]Mary

*edit* Mary, we x-posts. Mary- Yep, Call and bug em. I vote for 7DPO, they should be able to just give you a req form and you go in when you are at that point. No kidding, I can't believe it's the 17th and I havn't planted a single flower! Mainly b/c I am still hauling rocks and soil for the beds, but still......sorry bout your timeline issues and your little slip up diet wise. You're still a hottie anyhow, so don't worry too much bout those peanut buttercups. I, on the other hand, pissed away 1.8lbs yesterday. Yay! under the 250mark-whew!

Lindy-Thank you for checking in. Check in again soon, k?

Betsy- Glad to know I'm not the only one who has felt angry about DH's issues. Mainly I get angry that it doesn't seem to concern him at all. And I dunno, maybe there is no real reason for concern yet. But I get irritated with him that I have to remind him to take vit. and then I feel pretty guilty about it.

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Claire - Real quick how tall are you? I'm sure lifting rocks and hauling soil burnt a few calories.

The other night while trying to explain things to DH, he said, "I don't want to talk about this, that's why you have your pregnancy.com girls" "if you make it a job for me, then I won't be able to do it" Although I don't understand why he isn't more concerned, I figure it just goes with the he's a guy thing.

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[center]Mary

Mary - Some of it might be that he doesn't understand all of it. I mean....guys understand - have sex, get pregnant. They don't understand the physiology of the woman's body and what things need to be absolutely perfect in order for it to happen. He'll probably catch on eventually (my dh did), but maybe for now, he's more comfortable not knowing. If you need him to understand something or you just want to talk to him about something, certainly let him know that it's important to you that he listens.

Oh, btw - 10 days and counting!!!!

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[center]Mary

Mary/Rebecca - my DH is STILL pretty much in one ear out the other. He will "listen" when I need to him but I don't think it sinks in fully - for him its definitely a case of have sex make baby and everything else is mumbo jumbo. I really don't talk to him much about all the stuff I'm doing everyday (all the vitamins, baby aspirin, etc.)... luckily he's okay with the preseed and instead cups although he does think I'm nuts.

Rebecca - yay for 10 days!! Your vacation is going to be wonderful

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