Irene- yeah I want to be careless too. I thought I saw a blinkie somewhere that said you need a 6pack of beer, a pipe full of crack and the backseat of a pinto to get PG....I feel that way alot.

For some reason, the past two days I've really been beating myself up about DH's child. I just keep thinking "why?" why could Satan have his child and not me? Why did everything align for that skinny little hussie and my DH and not for me and him? I just wonder what's wrong with me........and yet another example of why one shouldn't post while under the influence of PMS.

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You know, people really can just be bastards.

I've never really been able to talk to anyone either. People just do not get it, and that's okay, the thing that sucks to me is when people don't ACKNOWLEDGE that they don't get it, or think they CAN understand, and that they can just bull-in-china-shop say anything, even if you try to back them off and tell them flat out they are treading on territory they don't understand and doing damage. I had a few go-rounds with this with my mother and sister last year. I still don't talk to my sister...there was more to it than that, but it was a big part. I am guarded with my mother, and just really started talking to her again when Grandma started looking like she was going to go downhill fast earlier in the year. I do not feel safe with them. You're supposed to be able to keep your guard down with people like that...unfortunately, it doesn't work that way, all too frequently.

It's one of the reasons I think why meeting someone from CT is so overpowering. We are able to talk about so much. Even the ladies that haven't experienced IF in any form understand much more than anyone else possibly could I think.

When I met Lou, I was about to loose it. And with Kayla, it was like that a bit for me too...of course, I was so fascinated with Marika (cool kid), and Kayla and I were talking a blue streak immediately, so tears didn't stay on my mind. And I doubt she'd have let some non-CT stranger pick up her kid within 30 seconds and sit there with her for the next few hours. When Rebecca and I are around each other some day, five bucks says we are both in tears.

Maybe we should just have a big CT party at my house at the beach and have a big sob-fest and get it all out.

Anyway...venting my stuff too. *sigh* Anyone else feel disconnected?

Mare ~ (squeeze)

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Steph- As usual, you hit the nail on the head. I've never been able to articulate the part about people not being able to acknowledge that they don't get it. that is so true.

Hey, I'm up for a CT party.....ahhhh, beach.....sounds wonderful

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Yes..yes...I'm right there with you girls. It's been a downer day all around it sounds like. It seems like everywhere I go I see pregnant people. Ugh! And I too have the not so nice thoughts and then feel bad for thinking so negatively about people I don't even know. My optimism is fading fast!! This is such a great place to come to and know that there are others who know exactly what you're feeling and going through. Last night I was wondering if there's some kind of club for people who end up not being able to have children? Just in case I turn out to be one of those, I'd like to know if there's some kind of group out there.
I'd love to meet all of you girls....a big CT beach party sounds fun. Let's all meet at Steph's new place in Florida! I think we should plan it...stat!

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Mel - I'm sorry about your friend. I think I read that last night, but woke up the same way you did.

So I think I'm going to have to go with the same game plan, just don't talk to my Mom or anyone else who can't just listen and be comforting. My BFF has been much better lately, I think since one of our friends who had 4 yrs of IF and is finally now pg, she has heard a lot from her about how hurtful it really is. She has actually been calling to find out results and stuff, which has been nice. And this morning on the phone after I explained my blowout night she said she was sorry that she didn't understand how much it hurts, but she does know how important being a Mom is to me. And wishes she could understand more.

Also about DH, I talked to him earlier and we had a nice conversation, he's bothered to about IF, and his sister's fiance's Mom made a comment to me about how I knew what I was marrying into right? And I stupidly told DH that. He said he's just really tired of people telling him what losers his parents are. Geez, I felt bad. I have no clue why I even told him that, other than I was mad at his Mom for making such a big deal everytime DH's sister broke a bow, her drunk ass would say "O and another baby" Something I had never heard before, the ribbons you break equals how many kids you'll have? Whatever, she just has to be a b sometimes. The thought of them having a baby makes me sick, she doesn't even know how to bring food to a weekend lake outing. IMWTF!

Ok sorry for the vent.

Our boiler just broke down, so who knows about all this work were supposed to do!

Yes, Steph can we come, we'll even help you get moved in, I love to help unpack, move, organize. When, where?

I need to get out of this place!

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[center]Mary

Becky - I love your drink blinkie... I don't think I noticed that one before!!!

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Irene- thanks! And boy could I use a drink right now. I'm looking forward to getting my drink on this weekend! Oh...and I meant to tell you thanks for giving out that recipe for those cupcakes! Yummy! I think I'm gonna try and make them soon!

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Becky - tell me about it - DH's brother left some cans of Bud Light in our fridge last time he stayed over so last night we were desparate enough to drink them (sorry to any Bud Light fans I've offended but its just not a real beer LOL!) I could use something with an umbrella in it right about now!!

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Irene- What's wrong with bud light, huh? Think you're too good for bud light or what? LOL! But do tell what "real" beer is........

Becky- I hear ya! Oh, and about a group: I think that the Resolve organization that Betsy is involved in has groups like that. Maybe, Or I could be full of it. Let's just hope that you won't need a group like that.

Mary- Yeah, it's like you gotta tell the DH what losers his folks are at least once. I know I did. I mean, the people have a log with a picture of john wayne plastered on it in the corner of the living room. "Class" escaped these people DECADES ago.
I do think you should at least be allowed to defend yourself against the IL, though. That was a big issue for us. My dad would just push DH's buttons, and I'd try to keep the peace and it made things worse. Finally I just let em have at it....and they are much better now.

You have a boiler-in Kansas? You sure you don't mean your water heater?

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Claire - I'm really not a beer drinker - I was just talking smack about bud light to get someone going LOL! But I do know that anything with a light after it is not real beer!! Of course I used to drink Coors Light like it was water which DH still makes fun of me for.

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Sorry that you girls are having a rough day, *group hug*

Rebecca-I need to find a memory box or something to put my u/s picture in. I threw away the positive HPT though and now wish I had kept it.

Claire-when we were TTC for Avery, I remember Dh saying that we weren't getting PG because we weren't dysfunctional enough so he needed to do drugs and push me around some, lol (I know, I know, shouldn't joke about these things). At the time there was an extended family member getting numerous gf's PG!

my spotting is still very come-and-go so we'll see how long before AF shows. It will be nice to have that "1st AF after m/c" over with.

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MILLER LITE!!!!

Claire - Yes I know the difference between a boiler and a water heater, at work where we have an autoclave we need the boiler, it still works just has a small leak. Just ordered a new one for 11,900.

I've got to go home and sleep!!!!

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[center]Mary

Irene- I thought Coors light WAS water- LOL! I figured I'm the only one here hick enough to be offended over Bud. Actually, I haven't drank beer since highschool. Somewhere along the line I realized my hangover was much better on whiskey than beer. Wow, I used to be such an alchie.
I'm impressed they even have those beers in NYC. I'm surprised you don't have P Diddy beer or something rediculous.....LOL!

Bina- LOL at DH. Oh, I don't think there's anything wrong with joking about that. Although-as you may have guessed-there's nothing I can't or won't joke about! Is the first AF after m/c going to be really bad? Or not so much because of the D&C? Just curious. I'm not sure if I've told you that the pic of Avery in your siggie really makes me wanna ovulate. She is way too cute. I can't imagine how hard it's going to be for your DH in about 15yrs!

Mary- OIC, when you said "our" I thought you meant at your house......just checking Miller lite? Guess I'm not the biggest hick here!

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Mary - its still not real even if its spelled lite LOL!!

Claire - there are places you can go that have a beer list pages long... its nuts. I usually get all flustered and have to ask DH what I will like.

Bina - I have to agree with Claire... Avery is going to be a heartbreaker

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Irene-I got Dh a beer making kit (from a real beer store not one of those cheesy ones) for Christmas last year and his beer turned out really good!

Thanks for the compliments on Avery. Dh has been worried from even before conception about raising a teen daughter!! She is already such a daddy's girl. I'm chopped liver by comparison, hehe.

Claire-I've wondered whether I should hide my sig when posting here, since I know it must be hard for some girls to constantly see a smiling baby. I wouldn't be offended.

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Ditto, ditto, ditto...

Mare/Rebecca ~I hope third time is the charm!

Bina ~ Avery is one cutiepatootie!

I absolutely can't contribute to the beer conversation b/ I don't drink beer. I'm a wine and hard alcohol drinker.

Mary ~ Whatcha 'autoclaving' at work??? BTW, I wanna share a wedding shower story. So the bride/mother-to-be at her wedding shower was unwrapping gifts, and BFF sent me over to her to collect the bow and I walked up to her and stuck out my hand for the bow and she says, "Wait, I need to break it, I wanna have kids!" In my head, I was saying, "Shut up, B! You already have 2!" But kept my mouth shut.

So, instead of sad today, I've been angry. I called my insurance hotline today and asked if I could get a copy of Cap'ns s/a results. They refer me to a number in Sacramento. I call them. They want me to fax a letter of consent in addition to a copy of Cap'ns ID to them and they will send them but will charge 25 cents per paper! Are you freakin' kidding me? I call the main number back and they told me to call the lab where I gave the sample. I've called them 4 times and have been hung up on every time! GRRRRRRRRRRRR.

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