Becky ~ Welcome back!

Irene ~ I get the neon pee too from the B complex!

Bina ~ I'm trying to figure out my next cycle too...I'm going to So Cal for the first 2 weeks of August to teach summer school and although Cap'n is coming down for one weekend in the middle (to attend the wedding I'm a bridesmaid in) I'm concerned about missing O.

Well, I had one hell of a crappy day. Just as I was opening the shop to go in and start my opening duties, my cell phone rings and it is my friend who is the bride. This weekend we are going to Vegas for her Bachelorette party. She says to me, "There are some changes with the bachelorette party this weekend." and I'm thinking, OMG do I have to change my plane ticket? What's wrong? So I ask. Well, guess what, ladies? She's preggo. I could barely muster a congratulations. So the change to the bachelorette party was no drinking for her. She thinks she is about 4 weeks along and only took the HPT to see if she could drink in Vegas or not. She told me that she is telling all her gf but to not tell her fiance's sister b/ they want to save the news of telling the family for the rehearsal dinner. This is the same friend who first of all, doesn't know I'm TTC, secondly, told me not to get pg b/ of her wedding (the whole dress issue) and thirdly, already has 2 kids by 2 different fathers. I was crying or was trying not to cry during my shift and just exploded when I got into my car after my shift. I called my BF and bawled. It must be so nice to sneeze and get pg. She never has had to temp. She has never had to do an OPK. You know the saying that things come in threes? Well, they're right...my 20 year old second cousin's 'wife' is pg, Cap'ns cousin is pg and now my friend. Yipee.

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Well last night went fine other than I ended up having not enough food and too many Coors Lights, so when DH came to pick me up, he was hungry and drunk and so was I. Needless to say we got in a fight about his stupid family, and then I started crying about IF.

Then I made a HUGE mistake by calling my Mom and crying to her. She thinks I should get rid of this blog, stop taking my temp, and just let God take care of the rest. And my Mom is not the religous type. She kept saying because she has had a m/c that she understands. I just didn't want to get into it with her that it only took her 6 mo. to get pg the first time, and she wasn't even temping. I tried the not worry about it just do it alot for 12 mo.

All I could do is cry last night, and then was awoken by horrible cramps from 2am to about 4am, slept until 6 and now I'm at work ready for a production run. All I want to do is go home go back to sleep and cry some more.

Why why do I talk to people who don't understand?

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[center]Mary

Mary - Dh just said last night that if he had a dollar for every time someone told him to just relax and bd, he'd be a millionaire. People don't understand how painful, emotional, frustrating, etc this is. Over a year with no pg is medically considered IF and people don't understand what that label does to the mind/body/mental state..... I don't even talk about ttc with my mom. I never told her that we did iui, either. I just figured I was safest that way. Call it self preservation?? I had NO desire to listen to what ever kind of 'support' she would have offered (and usually it comes out all wrong and ends up being painful). There is only a very small handful of people in our lives that know about the clomid/IUI other than you girls - and unfortunately, that does NOT include those who are supposed to be my closest friends. That's why I have all of you girls.

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We're certainly back down in the dumps here

Mary - Ditto what Rebecca said. It makes me feel awful sometimes that I can't talk to my mom about this stuff. I was actually complaining to DH this weekend about it because until this weekend at my Aunt's I haven't heard boo from my mom and the last time I spoke to her was when I told her about the chemical. And the worst part is that I don't even want to talk to her about it because I know that whatever she'll say will most likely rub me the wrong way. Luckily I have a couple of friends that I can talk to here and they're very supportive - they at least try to understand and are careful with what they say. Both of them have some experience with IF because one has a cousin who has gone through IVF several times unsuccessfully and the other has a good friend who was trying for 2.5 years for her first (ironically she conceived her 2nd the first month of trying so that gives me some hope).

Mel - sorry about your friend... I remember how you were even going to take a TTC break for her sake since you were in the wedding so that just really sucks. I don't have any good words because I'm actually trying to come to terms with stuff like this myself. I'm so tired of not being happy for other people and wanting to cry when I see babies. I actually managed to have a really good time at my Aunt's even though all my cousin's kids were there... I felt a little tug of course but for the most part I just tried to enjoy being with them. Its so hard because I love kids and I don't want seeing them to just be a reminder of what I don't have myself, kwim?

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Mel-sorry you are having to deal with another PG person in your life. Geez, couldn't she have waited until she was at least married?? I admit that I have some resentment to the 3 friends at work who all got PG the first month trying (actually 1 wasn't even TTC and had just got married a month earlier!).

Mary-sorry for your rough night too. I also don't tell too many people the details of my TTC. I have 2 friends that I can talk to.

I started spotting last night and feel crampy this morning so I think AF is on her way. It is a good thing, but it means my LP was really short which is probably from my body being used to being on the progesterone and now not being on it.

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Oh Mary, I am sorry your mom was not more supportive. HUGS We are here to listen anytime.

Mel- Gosh, what a kick in the teeth. She doesn't want you to be pg in her wedding, but it is okay for her to be? Grr.. And announcing it at the rehearsal dinner? Isn't that a little soon? Whatever.. Sorry your weekend will suck.

Rac- I wish the world was better informed about IF. I am sorry you can't talk to your mom about it. I know that must make you feel sort of isolated sometimes. We are here ANYTIME.

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Wow Bina, that was fast! One cycle down, one to go!!!

Irene- HUGS to you too my friend.

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Hello Ladies.

Well, AF is here with a vengence. darn b*tch. 18 day LP... better than 20 I guess. It has to be the clomid, because usually they are exactly 14 days.

Mary - I don't have anyone to talk about this to, which is why I consider this board a blessing. I know I can say anything on here and there is someone who can relate to me. Hang in there...

Well, AF is here with a vengence. 18 day LP... better than 20 I guess. It has to be the clomid, because usually they are exactly 14 days.

EDIT: I wasn't done typing and it posted! Oops!

Mel - So sorry you are stressed out. I had visitors this past weekend... one was about to burst - due in two weeks, and she kept complaining about being pregnant. It really bothered me, and I just wanted to shout to her, "I would do anything to feel those symptoms!!"

Well, better go... I'll check in later.

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Melissa - I forgot to reply to you too.... I agree that is a slap in the face. Understanding that she doesn't know you're ttc and having issues, but still - to make a big deal about you NOT getting pg for her wedding is awfully selfish. I just hope that once you get the report from Cap'n's SA everything will fall into place for you.

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So there is DEFINATELY something in the stars today...

Mel- OMG, I'm so sorry. I really just want to smack your friend. I can't believe it would even be a subject of conversation for you to not get PG just for her wedding.....and then she gets PG? AGAIN? Ahhh, hun I'm sorry. So, when ya'll go to Vegas I want you to get rip-roaring-sloppy-drunk.......and make a point to tell her: "thank god I'm not PG, or else I'd be having SUCH a boring time". Yeah, I know, I'm evil. That just sucks. I have nothing better to offer than to tell you I understand. And I'm hoping you can swiftly get through this party and wedding.

Mary- Oh, hun. Sorry about your fight with DH. And the call to your mom. Don't you just hate it when all you want is for your parents to tell you it's allright and make you feel better and all you get is the same old crap about stressing yourself out. My mother says nothing useful about TTC either, and it's usually painful. So, I say the same to you-I have nothing better to offer you than to say I understand.

OK, so now I'm getting all weepy.........AF'll be here any minute-or I really AM losing my marbles.

So I got a story, too!!!! Yesterday, some very dear friends of the family stopped by our office. And of course, one asked: "so, WHEN will you be having babies?" I started fighting back tears right there. And I told her "whenever my body decides to work right and let me get pg, I guess". My dad says: "oh, c'mon now. You haven't even been trying long enough to start talking like that." grrrrrr.

I really think there was just something in the stars today.

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Oh, shoot. I was feeling so sorry for myself I forgot to relpy to Mare:
I guess 18 is better than 20. But still-wow. I had this hope that somehow you were still PG, so sorry AF is here. (and with a vengence-yuck) Is that normal for clomid to extend the LP that much?

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Mare - Sorry about AF especially since she's here with a vengeance. I would think this cycle's LP was a little longer because of the chemical so I can't help thinking something was going on last cycle too for that 20 day LP. I don't think clomid would extend it that much.

Claire - ugh to your family friends being nosy but kudos to you for saying what you did to shut them up! I'm sorry your dad ruined your great comeback by not being supportive... I'm sure dads are even worse than moms with having no clue about TTC (since they're really just overgrown DHs and we know how clueless they are)

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Mare - I have to agree with Irene. I really thought something was going on last cycle, too. Now, with this cycle, maybe it is just the clomid, but that's still an awful long extension!! Clomid only extended my lp by a day, two at the most. It could just be how your chemical make up is reacting with the chemicals of the clomid.

Claire - I know this isnt' the same, but dads have a weird way about them. When I was pg, my dad was out walking on the trail and found a pear. It was a small, somewhat misshapen pear. He thought it looked like a little embryo/fetus - which it did. When I was in the very beginning stages of miscarrying (which at the time we weren't sure that's what was happening), my mom and dad came over to see me. Well, dad brought the pear. If it wasn't a piece of fruit that would rot, I would have kept it in my baby box with my journal and positive hpt's (which yes, I still have in my closet). Anyway, I guess my point is, dads have their own way about things.

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Hi Girls....Well this morning I woke up to swollen eyelids. Yesterday was really tough.

Mary ~ I sympathize with you completely. I can't talk to my mom. I can't talk to Cap'n. And now, I'm realizing, I can't talk to my friends. I talked to 3 of my closest friends yesterday. BFF was really sympathetic but she truly doesn't understand, she has an 11 month old. The next friend I talked to basically said I was jealous which hurt, but it's true. I'm jealous that I can't get pg that quickly. My third friend gave me the "relax" and "you're still young" speech. In group therapy last night I just kept thinking that I don't fit in here, no one has the problems I do. So, last night before falling asleep I made the resolution that I will talk about this only to you girls and I'm going to make an appointment with the therapist who specializes in IF.

Mare ~ 18 day LP! I didn't check your chart, but did your temp drop before the 18 days? I should check your chart.

Claire ~ You always make me feel better. I will get sloppy drunk this weekend. Don't think I will say that to her, but I will get crunked.

Irene ~ You too, I know that you (& all the girls) understand me best. I was texting Betsy yesterday morning about it and she was being so helpful by telling me to ditch the rehearsal dinner and go out with her. She was being so awesome. In the end, it came down to the fact that I have to honor my committments no matter how hard they seem. I'm making Cap'n go with me to the rehearsal dinner though for support, as little as that may be.

Bina ~ Those were my thoughts exactly. Couldn't you wait? Apparently, they weren't trying, they were just being careless, but she did tell one of my friends that they were going to start trying right after the wedding anyways. Whatever. My mom is going to flip a lid when I tell her. She never approved of her after she had her first kid a year out of HS.

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Christie ~ Thank you.

Rebecca ~That was kind of a sweet and sad story. Thanks for the support.

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Rac- I know. You are so right. Dad's are different. And somehow, even though he doesn't say the right thing, I don't expect him to totally understand like I do my mom. When he insisted I get Sadie the day I told him about my chemical pretty muc