It sounds like things should be getting better for you soon. I don't think we're given any more than we can handle - even though it doesn't seem fair sometimes. Even though my life and marriage are perfect now, I've been through hell the past few years (on top of the previous 31 years - just when you think it can't get any worse, it does, for some reason). I'm finally getting to the point where I can "rest easy" and know that everything will be okay, now. I don't know if I would have been able to make it if I didn't have my DH. I don't really have any advice for you (not sure you would want it anyway) but I really hope things start turning around for you. I think the main thing to make things better will be for you to finally be able to marry. That should take a lot of stress off of you. Then you can take it from there. Good luck to you! If you ever need to talk, let me know.