Forget the PMs, this is where we always talk about our bodies and theories, mental health, and stuff like that. It's slow today. We're not in anyone's way. Oh, and totally an addiction, the food part I mean. Addictions of all kinds are so complicated...

Don't apologize at all. It was one of my several lifetimes all crammed into one. That one brought me great joy and life lessons, and a wonderful child who came into my life when I was 17 and changed me forever. Unfortunately, there was a lot of secondary misery that came along with her because of the people around her. It's frightening how many times in my mind I have compared her and Danny... Anyway, the breakdown of that almost nine years of life turned me into someone else too. Nothing small ever seems to happen in my life. I still miss her so badly. People usually used the concept of soulmate with a lover, but I know she was mine. And I was lucky enough to have her for almost nine entire years. I have tears even now, but they are no longer tears of grief as they were. Regrets, maybe, uncertanties, for sure. Mostly, I've just gotten to a point in the past six months where I can think and talk about her without all the pain and the wound in my heart gushing. It's okay.

OKAY, let me try to focus and re-read. Uuuh, Okay, I think I get it. I agree that it is unlikely for someone who had never smoked to use that as a tool to cope with a stressor. But every smoker started sometime, and tbey weren't one beforehand. I think there are multiple kinds of ex-smokers. Particularly, those like your dad (and probably Danny if he ever manages to quit and gets really serious about it) where all it would take was one and the habit was 'home' again. Or those like me -- I fully chose to smoke again. It wasn't a craving, and it's never in control of me. I had been over cravings for years by the time I started again. I was actually searching for an outlet for the stress of the situation and I knew it would be somewhat effective in a short-term way. In the past year+, I really haven't wanted to quit. I just kinda don't have much else to do. That sounds stupid, buuut...it's tru. I think that brings our two perspectives together...some people are one way, some are the other, but I think where the ideas meet is that you know that it will or wont be effective for whatever you might pick up back up for, BECAUSE you are an (ex)smoker. It's on the table. Yes?

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