Yeah. Exactly. I needed him specifically to tell me it was okay -- he's the only one who understands how scary it is to me to be doing something that feels so out of control. I think Daniel has had trouble feeling like he doesn't measure up to my dad too. Unfortunately, he's right. But he could be. He has that good man in him.

I am and always have been a big time 'Daddy's Girl', and strong and capable (and burdened) like him all at the same time. Over the past year and a half, he's the one single person in my life who would just be around, or not. He'd pat me on the shoulder every now and then and tell me it was going to be okay, without asking me anything, fussing at me, or any of that. He's worked to keep the peace. He came and scraped me up off the floor (literally) last February when I was drunk as a skunk, cause I called the house and then hung up (I drunk-dialed my own parents ), but he called right back (this was a week after my run-in with too many ambien at work and my little ride in the nice ambulance), and he just came over to get me. He told me I had done what he said, and that if I was in trouble to just call, so it was okay, and that no matter what I wasn't alone, and WE were going to get through this. He'll do things like hand me a hundred dollars and say 'put that in your pocket'. Help when I need it always, of any kind. I have a really good daddy. We've not spent great amounts of time together, or talking or anything, but our relationship has shifted in this past year and a half. I feel like we're closer; like he sees me, and he's just trying to do the best he can to prop me up a little when I can't take another step, without asking me for anything, including even to talk about things.

I'm babbling. It's been one of those 'on the ledge' days, so I'm feeling a little sloppy I guess.

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