Hey Girlies... Yeah So I know that I really have alot of catching up to do. This past week has just been such an emotional roller coaster for me. DH was home on Monday for the first time since we've been married, so it was great to go out to dinner and just spend that needed extra time together. Then on Tues, I went to the hosp bc Crystal had her baby, and that was such an amazing experience. Needless to say, and contrary to popular belief... it made me want a baby even more that I ever had. I was so overwhelmed with joy and happiness for her and the baby and just everything. I thought for sure that things would be diff for me this cycle. Well that they are... I guess you can say! DH came home from work on Thurs and we went out to dinner, I was telling him all about my experience w/ Crystal... blah blah blah... then we went shopping. While out and about, he started thinking of things we need to get to take to the beach this summer. So we were looking at thei oversized mug things and he's like oh we should get two of these... I was like yeah maybe only 1 bc I'm really hoping to be pg b4 then. His comment was umm yeah... I don't think that'll happen. I'm not sure i'm ready! I just flipped. Cried for like 3 hrs... How can he go from tkaing me shopping for opks and meds and bring home gifts and mat clothes and everything else to... i'm not ready! I'm so confused and I just hate life right now. It def doesn't help that AF is here bc I know thats just making my emotions worse, not to mention that its the start of a new cycle and all I want is for everything to be perfect so that this wouldn't be a waste...
UGH! Sry for rambling, I'm just so upset and confused. I fell very lost. I just don't understand how the man I loved so much would hurt me in such ways that I cannot control. I told him that I wished I would have known of this b4 I married him bc that would have prob made me change my mind. I don't want to be much older when I have my 1st (and only according to him also, we're only having 1 bc thats all he wants all of a sudden-forgot to mention that) and I'm already afraid of him being older and with his hx..... I'm just so scared!