Karyn ~ Dad is doing okay. His doc did many more biosy sites and rutned up nothing, so b/c prostate cancer (except for one form, but he doesn't have that) is SO slow growing, they're going to leave it alone for a while and check him out again in a handful of months. His doc literally said if it progressed fast he could die in ten or twelve years. And they caught it as early as early can get, since he had the same tests done last summer and turned up clean.

I'm nervous a/b ttc again. There is a lot of complicated stuff in my life, and old feelings I'm not able to access about ttc and babies, etc, but I know that right now, all I can think is that it's something that is needed to really start me healing on a personal level, and all the other feelings will come back through after that. On a certain level you can say 'that's not the right reason to ttc'. And on that level it's not. But I know in my gut that all the 'right' reasons are there in me buried, no doubt, I just can't feel them right now. I don't know that I will again until my own baby is thriving and growing and waiting to be born; then the real me will come through. And I can be again who that baby needs me to be. Did I mention I'm nervous?

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