It's been an eventful weekend. I am pretty much emotionally drained.

Yesterday I started the stims. I was super nervous about the Menopur, since I had never mixed meds before. DH & I had watched a video online about how to do it, but my dose was different. I think we did it right. The Gonal F was easier b/c I've done it before, but then I didn't remember seeing the plunger move, so I was afriad I did it wrong. It was 7AM, so the sleeppiness didn't help. Today went much more smoothly. The good news, no pain! The Menopur takes forever to go in & I can feel it, but it doesn't actually hurt.

I feel horrible about saying this, but yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life. My younger brother called & told me that he & my sister-in-law are preganant. They had just told both sets of parents & wanted to let us know. I was completely blind-sided. SHe is still in nursing school & I didn't even know they were trying. I so wanted to be happy for them, but I just went numb. I know its silly, but I wanted to give my parents the first grandchild. My brother & S-I-L are well aware of our situation & we have had numerous conversations about it. She is an RN & came over to give me shots when I started injectables. When he called, he just kept going on & on about the onesies they gave the parents & blah, blah, blah. Not one word of compassion. Maybe I expcted too much. I was with a girlfriend at the time and she said I faked it well while we were on the phone. I didn't let him know how devasting it was to hear it.

So, I called DH and lost it. Then I went & had too much queso & chips with my friend. Then I went home & spent the rest of the day in bed crying. My mom called & left me a vmail, like everything was completely normal. I couldn't bear to talk about it yet. My dad left me a message that was so sweet. He said he hopes I am ok & that my time will come. I am kind of shocked that he understood so well and my mom didn't. I still haven't talked to them.

So today is a new day, and although it still hurts, I have to change my mindset. IVF is going to work. And my S-I-L and I are going to be pg together. When I get pg this month, we will only be about a month apart. She is only 4 weeks, so they had to just find out this week. And, if I have twins, there is still a chance for the first grandchild (even thought I know its silly). So, our time will come and it it right around the corner. Ok, thats my pep talk for myself today. I have to keep repeating it to believe it.

UPDATE: I finally called my mom this afternoon. I was afraid she wouldn't understand how I was feeling, but she completely did. She said she was just as surprised to find out. She did ask them to give us a few weeks before telling us b/c of everything we have going on & they chose not to listen. I really appreciate her thinking of saying something, even if they ignored it. I feel so much better after talking to her. I think I can really focus on the positive now. I am going to sleep better tonight.

Thanks for all your support!

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