LOL! Some people do find that temping vaginally gives you flatter temps but most just temp orally so its not all that embarassing! You just have to be really consistent with taking your temperature at the same time in the morning before getting up and moving around. Most of us have accounts at fertilityfriend.com - there's a free trial period.
As for the OPKs check here:
FertilityPlus: Ovulation Predictor Kit FAQ There is a table and it tells you that with varying cycles use the length of your shortest cycle in the past six months. Unfortunately you might end up using quite a few.